Monday, June 7, 2010

There's No "X" in F-R-I-E-N-D-S.

I've had Bambu's "The Queen is Dead," on repeat for approximately 13 hours now, and one of the first things I noticed about it was the beat. It got one of those "I just had a stressful day at work so lemme sit on the couch, puff on an L right quick, close my eyes, and bob my head" vibes to it. So that's exactly what I did when I listened ... well minus the couch (it was my bed) and minus the weed (I stuck with a glass of Moscato) lol.

Had it been a few years ago, I would've called one of my best friends and let him listen to it. 'Cuz I don't know too many people that appreciate music like he does. But since the time is NOW, I shared it on Facebook and my blog instead. Because, this "best friend" just so happened to be my boyfriend at one point in time, and now we took off the "boy" took off the "best" and well, took off the "friend" part as well. No reason. Just 'cuz. And while it makes me *smh* in a "Darn, that's too bad," kinda way, it is what it is and I've accepted it.

It reminded me of a conversation I had with my homie the other day. We went back and forth about staying friends with exes. He thought, "What for?" and I figured, "Why not?"

Personally, I believe there are only 2 reasons why exes shouldn't be friends: 1) When one or both blatantly, and intentionally fucked the other one over, and 2) When one of them is still in love with the other and the feelings aren't mutual. Otherwise, as long as there's still some sort of mutual respect amongst the two - again, Why not?

And when I say "friends," notice the words "with benefits" are nowhere to be found. Naw, it ain't even that kinda party. But I also don't mean we gotta hang out, be God parents to each others children, or exchange Christmas gifts 'cuz it ain't that kinda party either. It would just be nice if we could be well, you know - cool.

If I could give you a homie hug when we randomly bump into each other at the grocery store without your girlfriends internal crazy-clock going off ('cuz sweety, I'm his past and YOU'RE his future), and ask you if you're still pursuing that passion of yours, and if not what you're up to now ('cuz I genuinely care). Instead of walking by each other with that "I used to know him/her" face down pat as if we didn't used to tell each other everything, even the unnecessary like "Hey, I just took the best shit of my life." I correct myself, always the unnecessary.

But alas that's just wishful thinking and me being not only naive, but apparently unrealistic. Even with the above clarification, I've come to realize that maybe yall are right. Remaining friends with an ex is useless. Additionally, I could be talking out my ass since I've never been the new girl. Always THE ex-girl. So I guess I'd never know how I'd feel about my today ... reuniting with yesterday ... regardless of the fact that I'm his tomorrow, until I'm actually in that position. So in that sense, fine. Yall win. Happy now?

I concluded with my boy that it goes back to an even earlier conversation we had about how females can have a gang of male friends, but unless a dude is tryna holler at the chick, he really ain't tryna have too many (if any) "homegirls." Again he said, "What for?" and again I said "Why not?" But that's an entirely new blog.

So for now, I'll stick with him jokingly calling me, "The only homegirl he'll ever need."And instead of wondering, "Why not?" I'll just lay here. Take a sip of my wine. Close me eyes. And bob my head ... "boom bye bye I head the was Queen is dead, I heard the Queen was dead ..."


linh said...

i have to agree with you on being friends with exes. if they didn't do you dirty, why not be civil to each other since you once were best friends, and in some cases, friends before you became bf/gf?

i was the new girl and it took me years to realize that my ex could be friends with his ex before me and there's nothing i have to worry about.

there is one ex that i would not acknowledge even if he were standing 5 feet away. =P

Mouf.Peace said...

yah i mean, it can definitely go both ways. i suppose it all depends on the circumstance. and to ur last line, girrrrrrrl lol.

Anonymous said...

Dude that too funny I actually talk to my GF about this the other day. She ask me why I never become friends with my ex's.. and i told her because i just don't. I don't know to me its just the why my brain process i guess or maybe because I am just an asshole?.. but honestly it does kinda suck when your gf/bf best friends is their ex.... naw mean? shoot it feels like there was something special between them than me and her.

Anonymous said...

I really don't know why, but that second paragraph really broke my heart. I stopped breathing and just kept reading.

Scratch that. This whole post broke my heart.

Mouf.Peace said...

@vman yah i totally see both sides of it now. i guess it all depends on the circumstance. but like i said staying "friends" doesn't by any means translate to "bffs" in my book. there was actually this saying someone sent me, sumthn about how if 2 exes can't be friends its either because they're still in love with each other or they never were. don't know if i agree with it or not but its interesting nonetheless.

@connie oh noooo. see, this is why i want to be remembered for being FUNNY? lol.

Yesi Jukebox said...

But you know what? I'm also one of these "why can't we stay friends?" types.. I mean I haven't had too many boyfriends to begin with but if things ended just because we weren't vibing anymore, then we can be cool.

The problem does come when one of you is seeing someone new, I KNOW it can be a little uncomfortable from the "new" girls pov. But that's just 'cause I know homegirl was still feeling him and I know her personally (I found out about them when he and I were dating). But that all comes down to trust, if you have a good man who trusts you and you trust back then no ex can get in between that whether they really are your friend or not.