A Letter to Stephen Curry

Dear Stephen Curry,

You're kinda beautiful. And do I even need to acknowledge the fact that along with Monta you carry the entire team on your back? I was there when you made that triple double. But instead of wanting to straddle you like I normally want to do when a sexy athlete dominates his game ... I wanted to give you a cookie and pat you on the head like a proud mom.

This makes me very upset.

And it pains me to say this but. It's just that. Well. Even I have my limits. And when I look at your face, I don't want to shove it under my skirt - I want to pinch your cheeks. When I watched you score your 42nd point against Portland today, I told my roommate how adorable you looked. ADORABLE? I can't lust over someone I call adorable?! (Can I?) And to be real honest with you, whenever you play with your mouthguard, I want to slap your hands and send you to your room with no supper.

So I think it's safe to say, you are one 'lil cub that is safe from my den. *SIGH* Please tell the ladies of CFAC (Cougars for a Cause) that I will graciously step down from my throne. Thanks 'lil buddy.

Love,
Me

He STILL looks like this baby picture.
UGH. I wanna call the cops on my ass for even thinking about it lol.

In other non-cougar news (and yes I realize I'm still too young to be a cougar but I'M JUST SAYIN!) I just wanted to say that it was a good day in Bay Area sports today. Giants won 6-0 with an in the park homerun by Huff and amazing pitching from Sanchez. Then, I ate dinner while watching the Warriors win against Portland 122-116 with Curry and Ellis scoring more than half of those points.

I < 3 SF

So THAT'S What He Says!

"BUZZ so big, I could probably sell a blank disk"

~Drizzy

For the longest time I thought he said "Butt" so big. It makes so much more sense now lol. There u have it folks, I'm officially a square.

If Men Lactaided

Him: So if white people produced "white milk" and black people produced chocolate milk would that mean Asians produced ...
Me: Soy milk?!
Him: Yah right? So then Mexicans would make ...
Me: Horchata?!
Him: Exactly.
Me: Does that mean gay people make strawberry milk?
Him: Or maybe an assorted fruit flavored milk.
Me: Like fruit salad milk? OK. That's just gross. What about us? What about Hawaiians?
Him: I dunno, coconut milk?
Me: Condensed milk?
Me: Are we really having this conversation right now?

Ma-i-nn-ku-ma-na

OK. Seriousy, WTF is in the fucking Happy Meals these kids be eating these days that makes them freakishly advanced? First it's the 18 year olds with bodies of video vixens (*ahem* LYANNE lol), and now it's 4/5 year olds (I'm guessing) that play the ukulele like they were born with one in their hands. It's already bad enough Rach's (almost) 2 year-old son works her Iphone better than me and kindergartners fly down the mountain past me when I'm boarding. But check out 'lil homey right here. He's adorable and talented! Sure u can barely understand wtf he's saying but shit, wtf were u doing at his age?

P.S. You def wanna check out his cover of "I'm Yours" too!

BITCH, Please.

I love men, oh yes I do. But men of the world, I'm sick and tired of u believing that all it takes to be a good boyfriend is to not beat or cheat on ur women. Um. Did it ever occur to u that UR NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT SHIT ANYWAY? Are u fucking serious? Get the fuck outta here! Next thing u know we're gonna start giving away awards to parents who bathe and feed their children.

TGIF - Things I Will NEVER Understand Edition

• Colored contacts on Asian and Filipina women (esp. purple, blue, green, and grey. and only because yall look so much more beautiful WITHOUT that shit)
• LARPers
• 
  
• Moreover:

• Skinny bitches who insist on calling themselves fat and fat bitches that insist on calling themselves thick. IT IS WHAT IT IS. Own that shit or do sumthn about it!
• 30+ year old dudes that go to the club and front like they 25 knowing damn well they got a receding hairline under that Kangol
• The phenomenon known as Ed Hardy
• Why Clay Aiken felt the need to come outta the closet. Honey-child, we knew before u did but good lookin out
• Hair in ur ass crack, WHY GOD WHY? I mean, it serves absolutely NO purpose!
• If this is true, freaks of the world now u can grab a pack of stoges AND ur used school girl panties all at the same time woot woot!

• 2 Girls, 1 Cup
• The pen tool in Illustrator and Photoshop
• Lipstick lesbians who only date butch ass dykes or gay men who only date trannies - umm hellooo??!!
• People who order a non-fat, sugar free, soy latte with whipped cream on top

Please feel free to share your own list!!

WILD THANG

2009 USPDF Highlights

Have ur opinions and say what you want about pole dancers but you CANNOT deny the athleticism these bitches have. As for the winner? She definitely deserved it.

The QUIETEST 8-Year Old!

If u know me, then u know of my mom. And if u know of my mom, then u'll know that she wasn't exactly the best mother to me growing up. Needless to say I still love her and she makes me crack the fuck up sometimes even if it's at my own expense.

The other day me and the bf were comparing notes on our childhood. We both started walking before we turned 1. Both were potty-trained around 2. So then for kicks I decided to call my mom and ask when I started talking.

Why did she say in the surest voice ever: 8!

Dude.

For real?

8?

As in 3rd grade 8? As in I would've been riding the short bus and in a "special" class 8?

I vividly remember being the first in my kindergarten class to read a book OUTLOUD during show and tell. So I tell my mom, "MOM it couldn't have been 8 'cuz I was already talking in kinder," so she goes, "Oh yah ur right not 8, 6-8 months."

OK, so now I'm baby genius?

I shake my head and secretly apologize to God on behalf of my mom for being a bad liar and neglectful parent and just tell her, "Never mind!" aka in my head, "Just say it mom, u don't know."

Then she replies, "Ask Mommy-Nina."

Yes, I should asked my grandma to begin with.

Moral of the story? Moms, please be there for ur kids especially when they're growing up 'cuz u don't want them to be the only 8-year old that doesn't know how to talk and u def don't want them putting u on blast when they're old enough to blog.

Wait 'till u see my ... !

OMFG this You Chube clip had me dying just now. I don't know what could be funnier than a little, white, chub, red-headed kid bustin moves to the Yin-Yang twins. I LURVE him! I want to put him in my pocket and save him for a rainy day. I don't know how the camera man held in his laughter.



OK so as I was posting that last clip I found this one. It's hella funny when he cracks up over himself and lets out that little giggle.

MAJOR FAIL.

Dear Cassie,

You are still beautiful but what in wannabe Kelis on crack is this hot mess right here? What happened? Did Amber Rose take ur original idea or something? 'Cuz u were better off just shaving all that shit off and being bald! I understand ur tryna get out of that "Quit your singing career and just be a model," niche but this is NOT the way to do it. U are way too fabulous for this shit.

Yes Cassie, now u are unique ... just like everybody else.

UGH.

I currently have the mother of all pimples growing right below the inner part of my right nostril. It's forming it's own colony as we speak and is threatening to hold me for ransom if I don't meet their demands. Dude. I have 3 white heads in 1 pimple. How in the fuck?

I swear the only reason God created pimples is to check us when we start to feel ourselves a lil' too much.

Dammit, and they just HAD to be Filipino!

OK. First things first, trick luh the kids but DAYAM. I don't know if I'm more mad at them tiny ass orange shorts, or the fact they can do the routine better than me. *SMH* I know there are some embarassed ass dads in the audience wishin they had daughters instead right now LOL.