Speak No Evil

Written 4/7 and I have no idea why it's been sitting in my drafts box ever since lol.

Hi. If you didn't know by now, I'm a writer.

I write, write, write my little heart away everytime I feel even the slightest tinge of motivation because it keeps me sane, it keeps me happy, it's one of the few things I can do effortlessly, and on a really, really good day, I'd like to think I'm pretty damn awesome at it.

However, the problem with this is as much shit as I have to write, I have that much shit to say. And sometimes, ok, most of the time, it's just unecessary for me to say it. But I'm a female, and females tend to react on emotion. Not that dudes don't do the same - hello Chris Brown, but women especially, and especially women named Abigail have a hard time calming the fuck down and rationalizing shit before sending that angry text message or writing that dramatic email or punching someone in the face.

The funniest part, which is also the worst part is after the fact - I almost always realize I didn't mean to say half the shit I said the way I said it. That I could've said it differently, MORE EFFECTIVELY. That sometimes I didn't even mean it. That most of the time I yelled or said something hurtful, it wasn't because I was in fact angry but because I felt hurt myself. But by that time, it's too late, the damage has been done.

See? This is why I'm a writer lol. 'Cuz it gives me time to think about shit. But as a rehabilitated irrationalist (is that even a word? probably not), this is also why I've come to realize that sometimes? No matter how juicy the gossip we hear is, no matter how much we wanna put a fucker on blast, no matter how much a bitch needs to be put in her place, no matter how bad we feel the need to get something off of our chest - usually, the best thing to say is nothing at all.

It sounds like a croc of shit but trust me, it's a lot easier to say something later when you know you really mean it, than to take something back that you didn't mean at all.