Monday, March 28, 2011

Waiting for Saturn

Today is March 28th and I am approximately six months away from turning 30. FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE.

By now I should've been a successful fashion designer living in the San Mateo hills, married for 3 years with one child, and pregnant with my second. Instead, I'm a single, aspiring writer renting an in-law.

Surprisingly enough, I am having the time of my life.

The rumors I once thought were blasphemous are true: "30s the new 20, I'm so hot still." I know I sound like some old fart trying to make myself feel better for being ancient, but I can honestly say that the older I get, the more fun I have.

When I turned 25 I experienced my first of many quarter life crisis. I seriously thought my life was over. Now four years later, I feel as if it's just beginning. I know exactly what I want in life, in a partner, in a career, and in myself. And honey let me tell you, I've been having sex since I was 16 but I don't think I've ever had SEX until this past year so just to let you know - it only gets better. But I digress.

I used to look at 21-23 year olds and wish I could take it there once again. But then I remember what an even hotter mess I was back then. I embarked on a world of credit card debt, struggled with reporting classes, hated my customer service job, had bad skin, didn't talk to my mom for a year, and did dumb shit like get into screaming matches in the parking lot of Denny's with my non-boyfriend. I had less responsibilities but I was too young and naive to take advantage of it. I spent so much time planning the future and relying on things that weren't guaranteed, that I never got to enjoy the present and appreciate what was right in front of me.

I'm not gonna lie. I still have a tendency to count my chickens before they hatch and feel ungrateful. Sometimes I still have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. But now I know this is OK. How boring would life be if we weren't constantly learning? If today was as good as it gets? The biggest difference between me at 23 and me at 29 asides from a faster metabolism and flatter stomach, is I'm actually excited about what the future has in store for me.

So beautiful, young people of the world with your toned bodies, and high alcohol tolerances - I no longer hate or envy you (well, maybe just a little). I am ecstatic for you. You think you're having fun now? You just wait and see.

'Cuz even if you don't end up where you thought you'd be, trust that you'll end up exactly where you should be.


Team Emily said...

30 was my absolute favorite birthday of all time. SERIOUSLY.

Mouf.Peace said...

yessss, and u still fly. i feel even better now lol

Anonymous said...

Your words move me.

Anonymous said...

I love this. My future plans haven't come to fruition yet, and I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty effin' bummed about it. But the funny thing is that I'm not as devastated as I think I should be. And maybe, the right here and the right now is exactly where I should be, so that I can get to the place that I need to be in the future.

Lurve. For reals.

-Eun Ji