Friday, April 30, 2010

I Spy With My Little Eye ...

Say What?! - TGIF/Music Makes Me High Edition

One of my favorite things to do in the world is gig in the car. Windows down, music up, gears permanently in 5th. One hand in the air while hitting them high notes, and looking like some poppy white girl from the OC going on a road trip. Luh that shit. 'Bout to do it all weekend since it's gonna be beautiful and got a lot of things planned. Here's a few of the songs on rotation today.

  • "Hey Mr. DJ" - Zhane
    "It's Friday night and the weekends here, I need to unwind ..."

  • "Down and Out" - Killa Cam feat. Kanye
    "You don't know 'bout the cases I get. Court case, briefcase, suitcase, cases of Cris."
  • "Slow it Down" - Lil' Brother
    The entire last verse which begins at 2:27 and can be read here.
  • Thanks Phonte for being so honest and thnx D for puttin me on.
  • And last but most definitely not least check out Esta flipping the Justin Bieber track right here. I wanna hear someone spit a verse over it ... and no, not Justin Bieber lol.

Inspiration

A question I get emailed a lot is, "Where do you find your inspiration to write?" And the answer is quite simple: EVERYWHERE.

A conversation I overheard on the train. A movie I just watched. A song I just heard. A picture I saw. A text message I received. Or even something I ate. The back of an Odwalla bottle. They're from years ago, yesterday, today, and sometimes even tomorrow. My posts stem from my experiences, my friends experiences, my friends, friends experiences, Sandra Bullocks and Jesse James' experiences - even YOUR experiences.

They're stories about love. About pain. About education. About sex. About life. About death. About anger. About happiness. About tragedy. About yoga. About baseball. About gorgeous men and beautiful women. About food. And sometimes, about absolutely nothing at all.

With all the shit that goes on in the world on a day to day basis, I wonder how I ever get writers block. 'Cuz you see, even not having something to write about is a story on its own.

Inspiration is EVERYWHERE. At times it's complex and other times it's as simple as receiving an email and replying to it.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Catching Up With Life

You guys are so cute.I didn't realize I haven't blogged since Monday. I get annoyed when I go down my bookmarked sites and don't see any updates from my favorite bloggers, yet I have 13 unfinished drafts so trust I'm just as frustrated! I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been busy but I've been busier. kjsdfjsdlfjsdf. Blaaaaaaaah. I wanna go outside and play already. A few boring updates though: Yoga trial expired so I'm back at the gym. Got my hair did and I hate it. Someone thought I was Vietnamese. I'm going to see Wicked!!! And I'm back on Twitter @d00waditty . I'm boring but every now and then I find something remotely funny to say lol.

You Steal my Bottle Bitch?

God I love this kid so much it kinda hurts lol.

Good Guy, Bad Guy

I find it funny how people always wanna play the victim, when in reality no one ever wants to be an actual victim. These people want the accolades that go along with being the injured party, but really? Nobody sits there and says, "It's a mighty fine morning to get robbed!" or "Man, I hope I get my heartbroken today!" WHO DOES THAT??!!

I'll tell you who. People that refuse to acknowledge the role they played in the situation. People that fail to take responsibility for their actions. These are the same people who may be able to move on from an experience - but never GROW from it.

My girl once wrote that "there are 2 types of people in the world. there are the ones who just don’t know any better. and then there are the ones who do, but do the fucked up thing anyway."

I think about the mistakes I've made in life. *sigh* I wouldn't say that I didn't know any better, but I definitely didn't do the "fucked up thing anyway." I believe I did what was best at the time. Now that I look back, I see where I could've done better. Been more kinder. More considerate. Less stubborn and more appreciative. But the only reason I'm able to recognize this now, is because I more than willingly owned up to my mistakes.

Real victims don't sensationalize situations to gain a team, they simply reiterate facts. And real victims don't fabricate stories just to lighten the guilt in their own heart. Because real victims DON'T WANT TO BE FUCKING VICTIMS! And when it really comes down to it, it doesn't matter who's the good guy or the bad guy anyway. 'Cuz nobody wants to be the "bad guy" either.

But if doing what was best for the both of us at the time made me the bad guy? Then so be it. At least I know I was fighting the good fight.

Monday, April 26, 2010

4 Weeks

On March 30th, I wrote a blog called 6 months. Today I found out those 6 months turned into 4 weeks. Celeste, the woman and inspiration behind that post passed away on Saturday, April 24th. DAMN.

LIFE'S TOO SHORT PEOPLE.

Laugh often. Smile always. Do good. Regret nothing. Work smart. Play hard. Be happy. And love like you've never been hurt.
Out of all the guys in the world, we chose YOU. Please don't ever forget that.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Friday, April 23, 2010

I just wanna F.I.L.A.

I DIE

Goal for the summer: Get this bikini ... and the bod (minus the tits) to go along with it.

Life After Death

Sometimes I have absolutely NOTHING to say. I hear crickets in my brain, and see tumbleweed floating around. Sometimes I have TOO MUCH to say, and I can't organize my thoughts in an engaging manner. And then SOMETIMES, I just want to rhyme lol. Because it's easier, and I'm a cheater. Maybe when I'm less brain dead I'll write a real "Life After Death" post. I saved this one for today so yall can marinate on it during the weekend. Happy Friday everyone :)

"There is life after death,
For those of you who ask
For those of you still haunted,
By the ghost of ex's past

It will be long and treacherous,
The road that lies ahead
But in order to feel alive,
One must first feel dead

It's ok to shake your head,
And think I don't know what's going on
But I promise you, I was just like you,
And felt no reason to go on

There's days where you feel hopeful,
Then days you're just "OK"
Then those days you go to sleep at night,
And pray God takes you away

And then one morning you'll wake up,
And for no reason at all
You'll feel like today, is the big day,
To no longer feel so small

You look around to see whose left,
And see the faces of all your friends
You smile, They smile, You think, They think:
"To hell and back again"

I'm not saying you'll forget the pain,
For that would be a lie
Because you'll always remember your lowest days,
During those times you touch the sky

Nothing will ever be the same,
Once you've had a broken heart
But know now nothing will ever be as bad,
So be thankful for that part

Just remember you're stronger than you think,
And there will eventually be someone new
To love you better, to love you harder,
To breathe life back into you

So when you feel like hope is gone,
And there's nothing else left
Remember I am still alive,
To prove there is life after death"

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Love, Bites

As you get older, you start to realize you've outgrown certain things. For me, they were Jose Cuervo, grillz, freak lines, fist fights just because someone stepped on your shoe, the "N-word," twin beds, and most of all - hickeys. Thinking about it now, I wonder why on Earth I even condoned that type of behavior. Hickeys are ugly, pointless, and have the ability to get you in a lot of trouble if you're still living under your parents roof.

I remember getting my first hickey and thinking I was sooo cool just because I had this big, purple bruise on my neck that had me wearing a turtleneck in 70 degree weather because I had short hair at the time and a mother who'd send my ass back to the Philippines if she even knew I knew what a hickey was! Yet, I continued to give and receive hickeys like they were some sort of right of passage.

During my junior year of high school, I vividly remember giving the guy I was seeing at the time a hickey on his stomach in the shape of an "A" (OMG, I'm almost too embarrassed to type). But tell me why I was so proud of myself? I'll tell you why. Because "A" stands for adolescence, asshole, and A bitch didn't know no better! You see, all a hickey is asides from an obnoxious way to tell the world "I'm taken," is a BRUISE. Not a "love bite," a BRUISE. Like the kind you get after being kicked in the shin so if you don't want to get kicked in the shin, why would you want someone sucking on your neck for no apparent reason? (Twi-hards, you are not allowed to answer that question.)

I'm probably sounding real ancient right now by declaring my distaste for hickeys, but really? It's not worth it. I promise. All the scarves in the summertime, the borrowing your older sisters foundation for cover up, the hassle of having to stick a spoon in the freezer in an attempt to get rid of something you just spent almost 5 minutes creating? Not that serious. Besides, there's only so many times you can recycle that "I burned myself with the curling iron," excuse before the parentals start to catch on. And by the time you get as "ancient" as me - you'll soon realize there are so many better parts of the body to suck on (or be sucked on).

Yeah I said it lol.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

"If he was stupid enough to walk away, Be smart enough to let him go."
~Unknown

Love is Love

And i gots nothing BUT love for the following brands, causes, events, and most of all friends. So check 'em out and make sure to say Abi sent 'ya!
  • Hellz Spring 2010 Video Short! Get KTFO by their '10 Spring delivery II here.

  • Adapt's Sp. 2010 womens lookbook which can be seen here and purchased here.

  • For all my SoCal heads, MAV's charity fashion show Saturday, April 24th is a MUST. This event is featuring some of my favorite people: ComposurE, Hellz Bellz, MADE Jewelry, and of course Melissa Anne Vitug.
Please click on flier to enlarge.
  • Afterwards, attend the only official afterparty I know of at Confidential and see DJ Digga spin and Boogie Events pop bottles.
  • And last, but definitely not least: RIPower/Paradise/Peace GURU. Fave Gangstarr song of all time? FULL CLIP do you wanna mess with this?

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Mo' Betta


Lying in my deathbed today; sweaty yet cold as shit, smelling like "sick," with a body ache so crucial I could barely put my pants back on after taking a piss, I received 3 text messages, one from my mom, one from a cute guy, and one from my homey. All 3 were asking if I was OK and needed anything. Soup? Medicine? OJ? All of the above please.

I changed into a new shirt since the one I was wearing was drenched with sweat as if I had just got out of Bikram, and thought about it for a second. My initial reaction was to hit back moms, 'cuz you know, that's what mothers do. But then I remembered the last, "Abigail you need to take better care of yourself and stop going out and start taking your vitamins. Do you wear a jacket when you go out? Are you eating apples everyday? You know you have a history of bronchitis right? Stop sleeping so late. When's the last time you had a check-up? Sige, lagot ka!" lecture I got when she dropped me off some arroz caldo, and quickly replied back to the homey instead.

Whatever the deal was, I knew that there was no way in hell I was gonna let the cute guy drop me off some C-Monster and chicken noodle soup. And NOT because I liked him enough to care about what I looked like in front of him, but because I didn't like him at all.

Which is kinda weird 'cuz usually, the more I like a person, the more I DO care so the concept above didn't make sense to me. Until I talked to my boy Scott and he said, "You usually want to be with the one you like when you aren't feeling well." BINGO. Because no matter how shitty you look or feel, next to some Theraflu, nothing makes you feel mo' betta than possibly infecting the person you care about while they're over baby-sitting your sick ass lol.

I thought about the last 3 guys who took care of me while I was sick and braved boredom by laying next to me in bed watching basic television (my room has no cable) while I did absolutely nothing but frown, and whine. They all ended up being my boyfriend (thnx for still loving me after seeing me look like death btw).

'Cuz when we like someone enough to let them in, and see underneath the concealer and the eyeliner and the perfume and all the fake - it couldn't be anymore REAL.

Stoner Snacks

Because I feel like shit and have not a single ounce of creative energy in my body, I'm reposting this from last September for all my potheads, happy 420 yall!

There comes a time in everyone's young adult life where they become curious. They want to experience new things and see the world with "different" eyes. They want to experiment. They want - to smoke weed.

I am not a stoner. And in no way am I encouraging the youth to lather on that herbal essence, but if God made dirt and dirt don't hurt ... then a nice bowl of weedies ain't too far behind! Drugs are bad! Bad I say! Buuut, if ur going to do them anyway I figured I'd help u out by suggesting some of the finest stoner snacks the world has to offer (if I'm missing ur favorite please do add it!).

Granted, when ur high as a kite almost everything tastes good. But I have gathered the following information with the help of only the most elite of my hydroponic connoiseur friends, so u know it's guaranteed to stimulate the mind and enhance those tastebuds (once u get rid of the cotton mouth of course). Now without further adieu ...

Trolli Peach-os and Apple-os as suggested by Digga
Because peaches and apples are supposed to grow on trees and be healthy for u, this combination of gummy goodness is almost blasphemous. And when ur high, u can try to figure out how they "grew" apples and peaches into those perfect little "o's".



Rice Krispy Treats as inspired by Amir
OK. Whoever invented this concoction must've been doneson.com. 'Cuz only someone headlining the Up in Smoke tour would take the advice of 3 little elves and mix cereal with marshmallows to create this sweet simplicity. Home made is best, but I wouldn't want ur high ass handling the oven.


Kettle Corn as suggested by Bad Aby and Kool-Aid
If I were a man, I'd say all things sweet and salty are good for u. But I'm not. So instead, I'll say not all things sweet and salty are are gross! Kettle corn by itself is already sheer awesomeness but pair it with some Kool-Aid (red flavor OF COURSE) and it's kinda like the blessed sacrament.



Cereal (preferbly CoaCoa Pebbles) as suggested by Gran-daddy Purp himself - Bomb Beezy
Cereal is kind of like the ultimate food. U can have it breakfast, lunch, OR dinner 'cuz Lord knows that's what I ate when I was either too broke to buy food in college or too lazy to cook period. So it's only right to have this on the list, there's just something about the sweet, unhealthy cereals that go so well with THC crystals. Just please remember to buy milk.


Ice-Cream as suggested by D
Does the dairy wonder even need an explanation, as if it didn't already solve all of the universes problems? And u may not think u can, but trust me, u'll finish a gallon in NO TIME so don't even think about grabbin one of those dinky little pints.


And lastly, my personal favorite Flaming Hot Cheetos w/ Cream Cheese
Ebony and Ivory. Yin and Yang. Sonny and Cher. There's just some things that aren't quite the same without the other. I can honestly say that I've never tasted Flamin Hots until I tasted them with cream cheese. I don't know a single product of public school system who did not feast on this beanery line classic during lunch in middle school or high school.


And just for kicks, my all time favorite YouTubes under the influence:

Death? That's don't even sound attracted!


I think ... I think I'm Dead


Ketchup Chils (OMG THIS ONE IS HILARIOUS)


P.S. Forget about "Dude Where's My Car," or even, Smoky and Craig. The biggest stoners of all time are obviously Scooby and Shaggy. Hellooooo. They never know what's going on, smokes always coming outta their magical hippie van, they're always paranoid, and DUHHH they always hungry!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Mayhem Inside the Octagon

No, like for real. Hah, the irony. Am I the only one that thinks it's funny they got into a fight inside the ring and weren't paid for it?

EXHAUSTED.

And now I'm sick. Once the body aches and chills go away, I should be be able to post more than just music videos, and pictures. In the mean time, just another regular conversation between me and one of my girls ...

[14:08] her: So I was bout to get frustrated with *** today
[14:08] me: for why?
[14:08] her: He sleeps over so much but we'll only have sex like once a week.
[14:10] me: really?
[14:10] me: does he even try?
[14:10] me: do u try?
[14:10] her: Iono if he tries. If he does he's not aggressive enough!
[14:17] me: but yah that's weird. 1 week of sleeping over and only sex once? i'd be gettin it in AT LEAST once a day
[14:18] her: I'mma tell *** it's mandatory if he sleeps over.
[14:19] me: I agree, make him sign a contract
[14:19] me: or charge him dick at the door

And No One Ever Will.

Remember, love is not complicated. People are.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Grown Little Man

"Flip that, press that. Ah ah ah ah ah. Bird game."


Shit had me dying. Watch the full show here. Good lookin Scott!

75%

It's been a while since I put on a pretty dress and heels.

Put a ring on it.
Me and the maid of honor, Cheryl
Kat, I know you're reading this: "HI" LOL!
I love the smell of sparklers (weirdo).
Get it Dee!
Me and the bachelorette, my bff throughout h.s.
Cheers! (Ugh, champagne headaches are the worst)
'95 'till Infinity
Dee, Kat, and Me
Got my white girl on
I just had to add this picture because normally, I suck hard at makeup. But I was pretty fucking proud of myself last night.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Say What?! - TGIF Edition

  • My hair at the moment is ridiculously long, it's kinda disgusting - not to mention washed out, damaged, and boring. Thank God I'm finally getting my hair did this weekend.
    Time to go light again for the summer, I kinda miss my hair like this.
    And please excuse the hands. Ditzy habit from my go-go/"modeling" days lol.
  • FYI to my wonderful readers, I am very aware of the people who take my work and don't credit me but I try to give folks the benefit of the doubt. Being a journalism major, I am familiar with the rules/laws of plagiarism, and being a self-proclaimed writer, I respect other people's work. However, not everyone shares the same enthusiasm. And some people just don't know any better.

    But for those who blatantly take my shit and try to pass it off as their own? For lack of better words - YALL FUCKING SUCK. The last thing I'm gonna do though, is put you guys on blast and give yall hits you don't deserve. Just know, that I KNOW. "L-l-look how they stare just to copy her. R-r-roger that. Did you copy that? C-c-copy-cat?!

  • P.S. This song is called Saxon and is a Nicki M. Rihanna reference track, and in my opinion it knocks.
  • I just realized that I've become one of those annoying aunty's who break out pics of their nieces and nephews every change they get. But how can I not when the little fucker has a face that makes womens ovaries do somersaults? UGH. I miss my wittle white boy, I can't wait to see him again! (p.s. Rach I'm gonna keep showing you pics until you and Michael have me a baby-girl to play with)
  • By the way - it's bikini shopping and tattoo time again.
  • I'm really sad that the last day of my Fluid Yoga trial is the 19th. It's given me so much discipline, clarity, strength, and motherfucking flexibility that I may just do the damn thang and drop unnecessary bread on a monthly membership. *Le sigh* The price you pay for peace of mind ... and the ability to do the standing splits.
  • Why don't I UStream? Because I'm extremely awkward in front of a webcam ... especially when there's nobody else watching me lol.
  • So I unwrapped my Polish at the game the other day and all I could think was, "Come on girl. Just the tip, just the tip." Don't lie men, yall know you've used that line before. And ladies, yall know you fell for it LMAO.
  • "Men are stupid and women are crazy. And the reason women are so crazy is because men are so stupid."~George Carlin
That's all folks, as usual, have a good weekend everyone!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Happy Birthday Cat & Junio!

For more info email BNVelasquez@gmail.com

A Letter to Stephen Curry

Dear Stephen Curry,

You're kinda beautiful. And do I even need to acknowledge the fact that along with Monta you carry the entire team on your back? I was there when you made that triple double. But instead of wanting to straddle you like I normally want to do when a sexy athlete dominates his game ... I wanted to give you a cookie and pat you on the head like a proud mom.

This makes me very upset.

And it pains me to say this but. It's just that. Well. Even I have my limits. And when I look at your face, I don't want to shove it under my skirt - I want to pinch your cheeks. When I watched you score your 42nd point against Portland today, I told my roommate how adorable you looked. ADORABLE? I can't lust over someone I call adorable?! (Can I?) And to be real honest with you, whenever you play with your mouthguard, I want to slap your hands and send you to your room with no supper.

So I think it's safe to say, you are one 'lil cub that is safe from my den. *SIGH* Please tell the ladies of CFAC (Cougars for a Cause) that I will graciously step down from my throne. Thanks 'lil buddy.

Love,
Me

He STILL looks like this baby picture.
UGH. I wanna call the cops on my ass for even thinking about it lol.


In other non-cougar news (and yes I realize I'm still too young to be a cougar but I'M JUST SAYIN!) I just wanted to say that it was a good day in Bay Area sports today. Giants won 6-0 with an in the park homerun by Huff and amazing pitching from Sanchez. Then, I ate dinner while watching the Warriors win against Portland 122-116 with Curry and Ellis scoring more than half of those points.

I < 3 SF

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

I Git it From My Mama?

Ask and you shall receive. Here's a pic of me and moms. Sorry for the poor quality, she just got a bunch of new computer equipment and went scanner cray-cray. Anyway, I STILL don't think we look alike lol.

K, that's all for today I'm off to the game! P.S. I love how my work gave me Giants tickets for a game at 12:45 when I have work 'till 5:30 lol. Yesssssss!

Miss Understood. Again.

A wise woman once told me, "Being too independent can cause loneliness."

And although what she said is absolutely true and these words still haunt me 'till this very day ... I've always felt missunderstood. I've never felt that I was too good to be in love, and I've never pushed someone away just to make a point. So just to reiterate and clear up a common misconception about me, I'm recycling an excerpt from an old post I wrote entitled Miss Understood.

"Thanks to Ne-Yo and Webbie, Miss Independent's are seen as women who can handle their own, like to front the bill, and don't need help from men. They push Benz's, have $10k+ credit card limits, and got a mortgage to pay. Unfortunately, that's not me. Nice goal to work towards though. But in my case, I'm sinply - Miss Understood.

So let me break it down one last time:I am a hopeless romantic. I am utterly inspired by the thought of being being in love with someone ala Bella and Edward, I'm just sayin love urself too. I believe in catering to ur man because they deserve it. And treating him like a King because u are his Queen. I don't want to wear the pants in the relationship. I want to be able to wear a mini-skirt without my man threatening to break up with me because of it.

SO DON'T GET IT TWISTED.

I may ask for alone time, but that doesn't mean I don't want u in my life.
I may want to have girl days, but u'd be the only man I spend my nights with.
I may deny ur help sometimes, but I am still more than grateful that u offered.
I may not be afraid to speak my mind, but I won't be afraid to tell you I love you either.
And I may not need u in my life, but what matters is I want u to be."

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Why I Love Girls

Not sure if he wrote this himself but if he did? Then dude, this kid is gonna get some major Tumblr ass for this one lol. It made me smile (#21 and #22 made me laugh 'cuz it's SO TRUE) so I just thought I'd share it with yall :)

1. The way they always smell good even if it’s just shampoo
2. The way they always find the right spot on our shoulder
3. How cute they look when they sleep
4. The ease in which they fit into our arms
5. The way they kiss you and make everything alright in the world
6. How cute they are when they eat
7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end its all worth while
8. The way they are always warm even if its minus 30 degrees
9. The way they look good no matter what they wear
10. The way she fishes for compliments even though you both know shes the most beautiful thing on this earth
11. How cute they are when they argue
12. How their hand always seems to find ours
13. The way they smile
14. The way you feel when you see her name on the caller id after you’ve had a big fight
15. The way she says “lets not fight anymore” even though you know an hour later……
16. The way they kiss you when you’ve done something nice for her
17. The way they kiss you when you say “i love you”
18. Actually.. just the way they kiss you
19. The way they fall into your arms when they cry
20. Then apologizing for crying over something that silly
21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt
22. Then the way they apologize when it really does hurt (even though we dont admit it!)
23. The way they say “I miss you”
24. The way you miss them
25. The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesnt hurt her anymore…Yet regardless whether you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them… it matters not. Because once in your life whatever they were to the world they become the world to you ... We love them for a million reasons, no paper would do it justice.

He Said, She Said

[09:58] him: hey i got a random ass question
[09:58] him: kinda shy to ask cuz its definitely tmi
[09:58] him: dare i ask?
[15:11] me: ask away
[15:48] him: what feels better
[15:48] him: clitorial or g spot stimulation
[15:48] me: gspot
[15:48] me: theyre so different
[15:49] me: clitoral is easier to obtain though
[15:49] me: but its short lived
[15:49] me: but if u can get both at the SAME TIME
[15:49] me: the clouds will part, the sun will shine, and rainbows will appear
[15:52] him: HAHA
[15:52] him: ur a nut
[15:52] me: i'm just sayin ...

Ladies, do you agree?

Boys are the New Girls Pt. 2

Women may be from Venus and men might be from Mars but I promise u there's a little planet somewhere in between where they meet up, have drinks, and procreate. Because believe it or not - we are a lot more similar than we think, or at least would like to admit.

It's been a common misconception that just because men are men, that they are immune to getting their feelings hurt. That just because they get scruffy, they don't want you to grab their face and kiss them like they're about to get deployed to Afghanistan for a year. That just because a white tee, jeans, and kicks are everyday staples to them, they don't want you to tell them how handsome they look those 2 times outta the entire year they're in a suit. That inheriting their fathers receding hairline or the fact that their 6-pack looks more like a kegger doesn't bother them.

But that couldn't be farther from the truth. Men may not parade their insecurities around like most women do by staring at their ass in front of the mirror while in their Levi's asking you, "Does this make my donk look big?" But trust me, they feel something when some hottie with a GSP body is on TV and u ask one of ur girls if they make sham-wow panties.

Sure, men have different ways of expressing and dealing with their insecurities but a man is still only a man. Nothing less, nothing more.

Perhaps the biggest way to bruise a mans ego, is to deny them sex. And I'm not talking about those days when ur feeling icky 'cuz ur on ur rag and u don't wanna take it there. Or those nights after the club when you drank way more than you should've and are scared to yack during reverse cowgirl. I'm talking those times when the man who wants nothing more than to make you feel sexy, and beautiful, and loved is genuinely attempting to get intimate with you and you just blow him off. Shit happens, and things get complicated, but regardless of how justified the reason is - you better have an even better way to make up for it. Otherwise, that shit will chip away at their very core, as if they found out you cheated on them or something. Think of the last time you got rejected, hurt didn't it? Now imagine getting rejected by the one person you want and love the most. OUCH.

So for everytime you get a new haircut and your man doesn't notice, before you start complaining - think about the last time you complimented him on his. The next time you put on a dress that hugs you in all the right places and your man can't keep his hands off you - give him a reason to have to take another shower when he comes outta there looking sexy as hell with just a towel wrapped around him rawrrr! 'Cuz if he matches your fly (and I know you fly!), then you should already know for everytime you don't make the effort there's someone out there who will.

Monday, April 12, 2010

SEX

I love choreo to slow jams.

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

Walls may not talk, but people do. Be careful of the dirt you do, you're only digging yourself a deeper grave at the end.
~Me motherfucker


I don't understand why people do unnecessary, yet blatantly hurtful things *smh*.

Textually Active

For some reason, I still seem to think I'm coordinated enough to text and walk at the same time.

The other day at Target, I was texting while making my way towards the registers. I was using both hands, and had my purse over my left shoulder and 3 dvd's under my right arm. Just as I was about to hit "send," I nearly died not realizing I had reached the top of the escalator and almost rolled my ass down to the first floor. Luckily, I caught my footing and only dropped one of the dvd's, which was embarrassing enough 'cuz that shit was hella loud and landed 5-6 steps in front of me. But you know that "HOLY FUCKING SHIT DID THAT JUST HAPPEN RIGHT NOW?!" feeling you get when a car almost hits you while driving 'cuz it was such a close call? That's what I felt.

And wtf was just sooo important that I had to text it and nearly lost all my teeth while doing so?

This: "It's fucking armageddon outside."

I mean seriously? As if whoever I was texting couldn't look outside the window and see for himself? As if I'm Evelyn fucking Taft and I get paid to tell people when it's raining. I could've broken my face and those would've been my last words ever. But it gets WORSE! I don't know how many times I've drifted into the next lane trying to double click the "alt" button while texting on the freeway, FOR SHAME! I act like whatever I got to say is so important that I can't wait another 11 minutes before I get to where I'm at to say it. And most likely, the person I'm texting is the person I'm about to see. I'm very aware I have a little problem, as I'm sure most people with a qwerty or touch screen phone do.

It just reminds me of how out of touch some of us are. Some of my most beloved friends are just instant messenger boxes on my computer screen. And although I'm a big advocate of telling people you love them on the regular as long as you mean it - I think my mom is the only person I say it to in person. While reading an "I love you," is better than nothing at all, it's so different when you say it or hear it in person, or even on the phone. OMG you mean a real life phone call? YES. The kinds we used to make with phones that were still attached to a cord that ran into the wall, before Crackberrys and Skype existed.

So I think the next time I want to tell someone "Thank you for blah blah blah," "I love you," or even something as simple as, "What you 'bout to get into today?" I'll just pick up the phone. I mean, I have unlimited minutes, I might as well take advantage of it. I can't promise I'll cease on the texting though. Old habits die hard ... or if you're me, on the escalator at Target.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Oh Bondage

My girl Lawn and her dream team over at Hellz STAY on their grizzy.
I'm about to be Hellza broke this year.
If this is bondage, then tie me up baby. Fuck a "safe" word.
Check out the rest of Hellz's Spring 2010 II delivery here.

Happy Birthday Kiara & Matao!

Me and moms trekked all the way to Rio Vista for my little cousins Kiara and Matao's birthdays, and lemme tell you their party shitted on any Vegas trip or club event I ever had. Thanks to my cuzzo at Games 2 U, I now know what I'm doing this year lol. He works for a rental service that's basically a portable party. They got video games, a giant hamster ball, booger wars, laser tag, and much, much more (I feel like an infomercial, I swear they didn't pay me to blog this lol). Check out their website or email me for more info!

Part of the reason I had so much fun was because I got to see my baby-cuzzo Zae. Look at those baby-blues. He's getting so big so fast and looking like his daddy more and more everyday!
The was the interior of the party-van they had. The exterior is set up for wii games and Rockband! Add a stripper pole in the middle and a bar in the back and we're good to go! (I swear, I'll find any way to corrupt something so innocent lol)
The Giant Hamster Ball. Need I say more?
MY TURN!!! OMG SO MUCH FUN!!! Watch the video so you can hear my mom making fun of me, and see my two cousins TRY and fuck me up lol. P.S. It echos in that bitch.
video
And I just had to sneak this last pic in 'cuz I already miss this 'lil guy. Look at his shifty ass face lol! Already protective over his fave aunty :) I DIED when I saw this cuz it totally reminds me of another face in another pic ...
Anyway, hope everyone had as good of a weekend as I did! Off to Bikram!

Friday, April 9, 2010

One for the Road

"Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
-Unknown
6. Change the story in your head.
Sometimes when you’re in a bad mood, it’s tempting to cling to a story that justifies it–and then retell it over and over like a picture book you’ve heard a million times. And then he said this…And then I did this…And then I messed up…

Visualize yourself closing a book and taking a new one off the shelf. Then start telling yourself a different story. One where you’re not a victim. One where you’re not powerless. One where you’re accepting what happened, and moving on so you don’t lose anymore time to that other book.

I FUCKING DIE!

Ladies do I have a treat for you.

"How do you swallow all of those?"
"Have we met?"


BEST LINES EVER LMAO.



And fellas (and if you're like me, ladies too) yall know I can't forget about you. Just for being good sports, here you go.

Olivia Munn, officially my newest girl crush. I want to hate her for being so fucking gorgeous but I can't because she's so fucking cool which makes me want to hate her even more. Except for the fact that she totally reminds me of ME (minus the fact she's HOT, tall, tanned, toned, has shiny hair, cute freckles, and nice boobs and a flat stomach, and straight teeth) and I totally want to be her bff. I'm such a sucker lol. (Thnx John)

As usual, have a good weekend everyone!

Family Ties

The other day I was talking to my homegirl about the relationships we have with our exes parents and she said, "I don't want to have boys. I don't want to have to deal with the broken hearts they leave behind."

It was one of the most profound statements I've heard in a while.

I then imagined being a mother to a handsome young man, and all the relationships with his girlfriends that I'd make and then have to painfully sever due to my dumb-ass son being ... well, a dumb-ass. All the times I'd have to reassure myself that I raised him better and know he's better, but that ultimately, boys will be boys until one day they turn into men.

The only thing worse than looking at my son who I of course love more than myself, and shaking my head over how he did such a right girl wrong, is having to be the mother of the girl that he did wrong. Having to hear her sob in her room at night, feeling like a failure as a parent when I have to wipe away her tears and tell her, "Nothing is wrong with you. It is not your fault." As excited as I am to have children in the future, I am twice as scared. It's a big responsibility knowing that your every move and word has the potential to impact someone else's life.

It's kind of how I feel about this blog. 'Cuz this blog in a sense IS my baby. And as much as I want to "keep it real," I still have to watch what I say. And as much as I want to help people out and answer all your questions, I know I can't solve them. I get so many emails from girls who are still in high school and while I'm honored that you trust me with your problems and value my opinion, I'm also shitting bricks searching deep for a response that at the very least won't make you feel WORSE.

When I wrote my first "Dear Abi" post, which was actually a question asked by one of my good friends, I didn't think complete strangers would write in. I'm over here thinking "Holy shit, wtf have I done?" lol. I didn't sign up for this, but I'll gladly fill the position. The thing is, I am not the best mentour. I've fucked up. I STILL fuck up. But if someone can learn a thing or two from my mistakes so that they don't have to make them - then that's the best advice I could ever not give.

Ever since me and my friend had that conversation it forced me to look at things in a new perspective. If you're the one doing the hurting, think before you act, Can you honestly say that what you're doing to this girl right now is OK? Would you approve if your daughters boyfriend did it to her? Ladies, What would you do if some chick talked to your little brother the way you talk to, disrespect, and belittle your man? If you're hurting and you write me and I unfortunately don't respond right away, you gotta ask yourself, What would I tell my best friend if they asked me the same question?

It doesn't matter if you have girls, boys, girlsarethenewboys, or no kids at all. Treat people with the same reverence you'd treat your son, your daughter, your brother, your sister, your parents, or your best friend, if not the way you'd treat yourself. 'Cuz you never know, the hearts that you break now may come back to you one day in the form of your daughter/sons tears.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

It's 1:37 After the Club, Do You Know What Time it is?

It's time to call your "boo-thang."

Lemme paint you a picture. You and your boys just got out the club, and the designated drunk driver is asking you if you wanna eat, go home, or get dropped off at "fill in the blanks" house. Your feeling nice and toasty, horny to be honest, and yah you got some dance floor play at Lot 46 but none of them breezys hold a candle to the girl you've been thinking about all night so you think of your options:
  1. Go home where you'll be hungry and horny but in bed.
  2. Go eat with your boys where you'll be full but still horny.
  3. Go see your fly-girl and take care of both #1 and #2 at the same time.

That 3rd scenario is what this joint off Ursher's new album reminds me of. That fucking euphoric stage after you meet someone, and you're right in between knowing yall feelin each other but haven't really said anything 'cuz you don't wanna scare the other person off but it's pretty apparent. It's the stage after getting to know each other and right before you 'bout to wife her or .. I guess girlfriend her lol. Those days where you see something that reminds you of her so you send her a pic text of it or you hear something so funny you call her up to tell her just so you can hear her laugh. Those nights where you're out with your boys and she's having a girls night out, but yall always end up with each other by the time the sun comes up.

Oohwee. Can't wait for the weekend lol.


So THAT'S What He Says!

"BUZZ so big, I could probably sell a blank disk"
~Drizzy

For the longest time I thought he said "Butt" so big. It makes so much more sense now lol. There u have it folks, I'm officially a square.

That's Gangster

If only I liked condoms lol.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

My Bad!

So that's why they say to never judge a book by it's cover.

Life-Recruiter

Today should've been a typical Wednesday. I mean, it started out like any other humpday.

Alarm. Snooze. Alarm. Wah. Snooze. Alarm. aklsjdflkjsdlf. Shower. Lather, rinse, repeat. But then - instead of dawning my usual Vans, jeans, Hellz tee, and putting my hair in a messy bun, I reached in the back, back, I'm talking The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe BACK of my closet for the only pair of slacks I own, threw on a blazer, put on some heels, and brushed my mufuckin hair (happy Christian?) because I had a meeting with a job recruiter during lunch.

At exactly 12:10, I left work, then hopped on the train to Montgomery. Got off and walked 2 blocks in the wrong direction, to walk back and find out it was the right direction. I'm telling you, this is all very typical of me lol. So I'm finally in the recruiters office, a hot mess, face all red, armpits sweating (typical, typical) but with 13 minutes to spare, whew.

I then met Jamie, a typical looking white girl with blonde hair and blue eyes, wearing cute shoes, whose outfit oozed Banana Republic, and overall look screamed "Hi, I'm from the Marina District." But what happened next was not so typical.

If our meeting was an actual interview, I definitely would've bombed it. And I probably would've left the building crying. She tore my resume apart, said I didn't get paid shit (ok, so not in those exact words, but whatever, tell me something i don't know), and then ... AND THENNNN she said, "YOU NEED TO STOP BEING SO HUMBLE."

I'm sorry, huh?

Me and my girls joke around all the time, trying to out-conceit each other. In hindsight, I thought the key to life was to remain humble so as to stop my ego from being my +1 at clubs and weddings. Have I been lied to all this time? Have I been had??!!! No, not at all. I've just been comfortable. Stagnant. Unmotivated. Scared. And call it being "humble" all you want, but I've just been downright MEAN to myself. More than being my worst critic, I've been my worst enemy. I've been typical Abigail, not giving myself enough credit, always doubting myself, and dumbing myself down so as to not create high expectations from other people.

Jaime looked at me and said, "Snaz up your resume, and then we can go forth from there. Sell yourself with confidence so you can make the money you want, the money you deserve." And then the sun shined, the clouds parted, and doves flew in the air like a John Wu movie. And just like that, my typical Wednesday became not so typical. I left feeling empowered, because I knew I had so much more to offer than just those administrative skills on my resume. Not just in the work field but in LIFE. For my friends, for my family, for my boyfriend, and most of all for myself.

So moral of the story is, NEVER SELL YOURSELF SHORT. Never be the loudest one in the room, but make some damn noise for crying out loud! And never settle for less because you're scared of the possible greatness that can come from aiming for and achieving the absolute BEST. Otherwise, you'll end up with that second rate broad just because she was "safe." Or you'll end up married to a man you're not in love with just because you're scared to be alone. Or you'll end up unhappy, and un-inspired in a typical administrative job for 5 years of your life just because it pays the bills - when the world knows and you know, you are far from TYPICAL.

Good Morning

My phone kept going off at 7:45 this morning (come on now, yall know I don't wake up before 8!!!) and just as I was about to throw that shit across the room, I noticed these picture texts. My fave!!! Thanks for remembering, u are excused lol. Nice way to start the day, now if only I can find my fucking parking ticket so I don't have to pay for a full day ...


Tuesday, April 6, 2010

kajsdklfjaslkdjfcfkljsdf

OMAHGAH OMAGAH OMAGAH. I just thought of an idea that's got me as excited as OJ Simpson on his 8th birthday. But lemme not jinx myself just yet. I'll keep yall updated ;) lskjfklsjdfljsdflsdf.
"Before you point fingers, make sure your hands are clean"
~Bob Marley

Say What?! - Weekend Recap

  • My weekend was filled with with a lot of extracurricular activities that still have me sore today. I wish I was able to take pics from Fridays JumpSkyHigh festivities (OMG SO MUCH FUN) but I didn't wanna lose my phone and knowing my luck, I would've. Next up? Skydiving!
  • I was up 'til almost 6am listening to drunk people stories, and even though I didn't get up 'til 12pm I was still sooo tired. Thankfully I was able to summon up enough energy to "get up, get out, and do somethin" 'cuz it was a gorgeous day at the lake! You'd never guess it rained cats and fucking dogs the next day. No, seriously I think I saw a Doberman drop from the sky and land on the car in front of me it was pouring so hard.
  • Was supposed to go bar hopping Sat. night but I didn't want to drink so that would've been pointless. Plus, after eating this at Rach's, along with a plate of Kim Chee beef friedr ice, followed by 2 glasses of Moscato, it was pretty much a done deal.
  • P.S. I think it's so adorable Adonis does this when he's ready to sleep. Kids always have their sleeping habits, I still do mine.
  • Last night I had a dream that I was walking around and everything I waved my hand over turned into chocolate. I specifically remember passing by this stroller, waving my hand over it, and it turning into M&Ms. The funniest part is the last text message I received before I fell asleep said "Sweet Dreams." Sweet dreams indeed. What a fat ass *smh*
  • cow-ard -noun 1. a person who lacks courage in facing danger, difficulty, opposition, pain, etc.

Single to None

Upon posting this blog, I've gotten a few messages from readers who were surprised that I was single. I sometimes get the same reaction from people in person too. They always ask me "Why?" or "How?" as if I'm supposed to be in a relationship. I think this is funny, and a little strange especially when just a year ago people were shocked as shit to find out I had a boyfriend lol.

My girls think I'm single because I'm scared. My boys think I'm single because I'm picky. My mom thinks I'm single because she swears no one will ever be good enough for her "little girl." And for the longest time I thought I was single because I was crazy. Because I was unworthy, because I didn't deserve to be loved. Because I was dysfunctional and stupid.

And then one day I woke up and realized I'm single ... because I choose to be. DUH.

Because I don't need to get under someone just to get over someone else.

Because I can handle being alone.

Because sometimes, dudes can't handle having a beautiful, intelligent, funny, caring, outgoing, and talented girlfriend that gets along with everyone because other people notice she's all of these things too.

Because I don't settle. And this has absolutely nothing to do with looks or money.

Because I don't need to be put on a pedestal by someone else just to validate everything I should've already known.

Because quite honestly, I wouldn't know how the fuck to act in a relationship right now.

And most of all, because when it comes to having a boyfriend - I DON'T PLAY. I make sure it feels right. I make sure it IS right. I make sure I'm not in a relationship, just to BE in a relationship. I make sure I'm not just filling a void my past boyfriends have left behind. I make sure I'm ready. That he's ready. That WE'RE ready. I make sure it's not just some rebound. Not just for "fun." Not just "there." Not just someone to fill the other side of the bed. Not just someone to help me get over the last guy.

Because when it comes to having a boyfriend, I will do everything I possibly can to make the relationship work and make him happy so I want to make sure he's worth it. And sure my judgement may be off sometimes, but you also have to take risk. Because you never know unless you try. So if me being single gets mistaken for me being scared, or picky, or snobby - well then I guess I rather be all that. 'Cuz the last thing I want to be, is in a relationship just because I don't want to be single.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Suffocate

Have you actually ever experienced the feelings behind these lyrics? You should try it out one day. It's scary and amazing all at the same time.

"'Cuz I can't breathe when you talk to me,
Can't breathe when you touch me,
I suffocate when you're away from me,
So much love you take from me, I'm going outta my mind ..."

Happy Easter!

I know so many people who after 40 days of lent are finally going to get to drink alcohol/soda, eat rice, smoke cigarettes, and go shopping. I hope everyone has a blessed Easter Sunday.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Zae

How I keep from hanging myself with my mouse cord at work. Have an awesome weekend everyone, in about 2 minutes I know I will!