Tuesday, November 30, 2010

(Bitter)Sweet November










The Great Pretender

Let's play pretend.

Let's pretend me and you like each other. So much that when no one's looking I lay my head on your shoulder and let you kiss me on my forehead and when someone catches us? I don't even tell you to stop. So much, that I actually let you hold my hand.

Then after that let's pretend we really, really like each other. So much that I fall asleep next to you at night and make breakfast for you in the morning. So much that I put my guard down long enough for you to deliver a right hook to my heart. So much that, get this - we fall in love. And we do all the tender shit that couples in love do like go on tropical vacations together or stay in bed all day being fat, watching tv, talking about everything in the world but doing absolutely nothing at all.

Let's pretend shall we, that we can see into the future. And all you can see is you, being happy with me. I know it sounds crazy, but remember we're just playing pretend. So then let's pretend we chase dreams together - and catch them. And you wake up in the morning to breakfast in bed, with a side of head, and as you shower for work I walk to work ... in our living room. And then we have the same dream one night where we both wake up with the same last name. (I'm sorry but I'm hyphenating mine.)

Then let's pretend it's not a dream. And I look fly as hell in my custom Monique Lhuillier gown and you are the most handsome groom I've ever seen. Let's pretend I can't wait for the priest to hurry the fuck up so I can kiss my new husband already. Let's pretend we have the most crackin wedding ever with food so good guests wanna slap us, and all the groomsmen get Roly's and all the bridesmaids get Louboutins.

Let's pretend Boracay and Santorini are absolutely GORGEOUS. And we can't remember which country we conceived our first child in. But it doesn't matter anyway because we have three more ;) It's fun to play pretend huh?

So how about for now, we just pretend. That. I don't have commitment issues. And you don't have a past. Let's pretend mine isn't so recent. And I'm not scared and confused and lost and bi-polar and FUCKING LOCA. Let's pretend that once I let you in, you're not going to be kicking and screaming to get the fuck out. Let's pretend I know what I want and the fact that most of your friends are married with children has nothing to do with anything. Let's pretend that everytime my phone rings and its you - I don't hesitate to answer. Let's pretend I'm not going to push you away and you're not going to let me.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Tupacalypse Now

Pac is definitely on my Top 3 list of people alive or dead that I would've loved to interview. Where? Either Malibu or Great America. Why? Because gangsters don't play miniature golf. And 'cuz I'd wanna see if he screams on rollercoasters. Pac partly because there's so many unanswered questions, and partly 'cuz he's fine as FECK. But mostly because I'm convinced there's so much more to him than we see.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Can't Stop, Won't Stop.

I never thought you could change a man. I wasn't that naive now. But I did use to think there was a way you can make him be faithful.

That if you did certain things like cook for him, buy him things, and fuck him good - that he wouldn't stray. And that if you didn't do certain things like nag, smother, or complain - that he wouldn't cheat.

But the thing is ... you can't make anyone, what more a man, do anything.

Because if a man wants to cheat? No 5-course meal will keep him satisfied. No shiny, new toy will keep him interested. And like I once heard before, no sex is better than new sex. Because if a man wants to cheat? HE WILL CHEAT. No matter how long yall been together, no matter what you two have been through. No matter how fly you are, and no matter how hard you stay holding him down.

"Because a man is only a man, nothing less. Nothing more."

So. If you want to ask him why he hasn't texted you all day when he normally does but wanna act like it doesn't bother you? If you want to question why there's something "odd" on his coffee table that wasn't there the last time you stayed over but don't wanna seem like it's sweatin you? If you want to tell him you miss him but don't because you're trying to act like you don't care? If you want to act a little irrational, but hold it all in for fear of being accused of "trippin"? You might as well just do it. Then at least, even if he was lying to you, you wouldn't be lying to yourself.

Or you could just not let it stress you either way. Because if he's going to cheat? He's going to cheat anyway.

::P.S. I am WELL aware that women cheat too. There's nowhere in this post I say they don't. Not only do I know they cheat, but I know they do it better. If there is such a thing as "good cheating," lol. Don't worry, I'll save that for another post.::

Friday, November 26, 2010

Isaiah.

One of the many things I'm thankful for this year.
I swear, he makes my ovaries scream!
This pic makes me sad because I know he'll eventually get too big and cool to fall asleep on my shoulder. Good thing he's having a *ahem* sister soon!
I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and has an even more amazing weekend!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Good Guy Gone Bad

It's official, I'm a fan of the nice guy.

Not that I've ever applauded the "asshole." And not to say good guys don't do bad things. I'm just sayin. And you know what? That's just fine. Because while we want you to be honest, faithful, and treat us with respect, there is one exception to the rule and one time we want you to be bad (not bad meaning bad, but bad meaning good) - and that's when you're hittin it from the back while pulling our hair.

You know how men want a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets? Well, bitches like me want our nice guys to be assholes ... in bed. Yah I said it.

I don't mean cheat, lie, and manipulate us under the covers. I don't even mean punch, kick, or slap us while we're doing the deed. Actually, I take that last part back lol. I just mean a lil' man handling ain't never hurt nobody.

You can kiss me hello, open doors for me, pull out my chair, and hold my hand in public. But behind closed doors? I want you to bite my shoulder, hold my wrist down, push me up against the wall, and put your hands around my neck and apply just the slightest bit of pressure. Yes, I want you to choke me. Tell me you love me when we say good-bye, tell me how beautiful I look in the morning, and say thank-you when I pack you lunch. So that on a really good night? I'll let you get away with saying, "You like that bitch?"

Ooh no she didn't.

Ooh yes I did. Because while real women appreciate nice guys, real women don't want pushovers ... especially in bed. Because strong women still want to be put in their place once in while. And one of these whiles is during sex. Because if I really wanted to fuck a bitch, I'd fuck one of my hot ass girlfriends.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Just Sayin

There you go again.
Lookin all fly and shit.
Got my girls all flustered and shit.
Even got the dudes all yes homo and shit.
I'd hit?
Shiiit, I'm just sayin.

'Cuz it should really be illegal for you to have that shade of stare.
That hue of baby-blue, can't fucking look directly at you,
'Cuz I'm not ready to have babies.
We just datin, and I ain't playin ... I'm just sayin.

And I ain't even gonna lie, there's other guys ...
But right here? Right now? There's no way, no how
You ain't my main visual. Them? They just peripheral.
And I don't need no prescription to see that you could possibly be the one.
Dont trip - I'm just sayin,

But I'm also sayin,
I just got out of sumthn
And to be honest, I kinda wanna have fun?
Correction - I AM having fun.
Not doing him or doing him, but doing ME.
So please R-E-S-P-E-C-T and - B-E-Z
Is all I'm sayin.


'Cuz once it's you and me - IT'S YOU AND ME
I ain't hittin and just quittin ...
It's just that. Well.
I'm a little scared of the commitment.
But maybe things could be different?
I'm just sayin though.

So.
Would you be mad if I wanted to save the best for last?
Not that I'm asking you to wait.
Not that I'd make you wait to begin with.
I'm. just. sayin.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Music Monday

This past week was filled with live music and some of my favorite people on Earf. So in honor of that (and the fact that I'm still half asleep and can't write a blog of substance), here's what's currently on repeat today.

Never Gonna Give You Up - Raphael Saadiq, CJ Hilton, and Stevie Wonder
Lurrrve the old school feelin on this track.


Right Here - Goapele
Asides from Bruno Mars, I was lucky enough to catch the beautiful Goapele at Yoshi's in Oakland last night. This is my favorite track so far off her new album.


Heavy - CJ Hilton feat. Tyga and Fat Joe
And my favorite of them all, which I am playing the fuck out as I type.

"I wanna get you outta your clothes, and into my bed
Baby that's only if you're ready, Ooh it's getting heavy
Slammin the doors, so bring your body right here
And I'll make you love it if you let me
Ooh it's getting heavy, Girl it's so hard ..."

Saturday, November 20, 2010

5-9

"...I swear nothing worse than a bad bitch that lost it
Brains off the chain, smart mouth with a dumb ass,
God damn your ex man is a dumb ass
When you was leaving did he put up a fight?"


Friday, November 19, 2010

Feliz CUMpeleanos Yonathan Sanchez!

See you tonight mi amor lol.

And just because, totally unrelated (i swear! lol) a 'lil Tony Toni Tone to end your Friday and start your weekend off right. I've had this song on repeat for the past week. TGIF yall!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Head vs. Heart

I can't remember the last time somebody told me to listen to my head instead of my heart. Oh wait, that's because NOBODY has ever told me to do that. Quite honestly, I wish someone did. Or at least, put the idea out there. Or at the very least, didn't speak of it as if it were the Antichrist.

'Cuz I really don't think it's as bad as it sounds.

Sure, we'll never know what could happen if we don't take the risk. But if that's the case, we won't know what we're missing either. It's like being born deadly allergic to chocolate. Long as you never try it, then you'll never know how delicious it is. Sounds like a jaded rant doesn't it? Naw, simply logic perception. Which is probably why it never works. Because when emotions are involved, all logic gets thrown out the window ... along with picture frames, clothes, Js, and video game consoles lol.

They say "Love conquers all." Does it really? 'Cuz I beg to differ. As long as there's love you've got a chance, but I said it before and I'll say it again: Love is never enough. Otherwise there would be less divorces, more happy families, infidelity would be synonymous with unicorns, and I'd be married with one kid and another one on the way by now.

Don't get me wrong, following your heart is not only encouraged - but courageous as well. I've got my stripes to prove it. But there comes a point in everyone's lives where after doing the same thing over and over and over again, and coming up with the same negative results over, and over and over again - YOU GOTTA STOP THAT SHIT. And if it means following your head instead of your heart, well then ...

Everyone reaches this epiphany at different times in their lives, and I guess my time is now. I'm not bitter - I'm better. This is NOT because I don't make mistakes anymore (Jesus Christ, I just made a huge one not too long ago). It's just that it's easier for me to pick and choose my battles, distinguish who and what's worth fighting for, and most importantly - learn from my mistakes. And one thing I've learned, is that it doesn't hurt to listen to your head every now and then.

I won't tell you to do the same but I will tell you to at least consider it. I just did, and guess what? I'm a happy fucking camper. The mind is 1-0 right now and I ain't even mad. Because another thing I've learned, is when you listen to your mind at the right time - it leads you to love anyway.

Merry Mary!

I fucking love this girl right here, and that's really all I have to say. Happy birthday biznatch, can't wait to finally party with you on my home turf. Get that liver ready, 'cuz it's 'bout to be all buss! lol.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Doo Wops, Hooligans, and Horny Girls

Bruno Mars is ill, this much I already knew. But I wasn't that big of a fan until I saw him perform live at Slim's last night. His voice was impeccable and sounded exactly the same if not better than on the radio. And as an added bonus? He was funny. Yall know how I feel about funny dudes. Safe to say a lot of females TUI'd last night. Fellas, you can thank Bruno Mars for that. Smooth little fucker lol.

Lots of clips of last nights show on You Tube but just thought I'd share this one since you can hear my loud ass scream "Heyyyyyyy," during it lol.

S-*-X

There it is again, the word "SEX". Actually no, it wasn't even s-e-x, it was "s-*-x." The entire word wasn't even spelled out and she was already scratching her eyeballs out wishing she had never read that blog post. Sure, it was a part of her normal morning routine but she knew she shouldn't have continued reading right after she saw the non-word "s*x". Because that was all she needed to see to get horny ... again. And she knew that if she got horny enough, she might just miss that other word she wished had never existed - "him."

She rolls over and looks at the digital clock flickering in the distance and then at the empty space next to her in bed. 7:37am. "It is way too early to be horny," she thinks then takes it back soon as she remembersthe last time she had morning sex. It was sometime after 6:30 and before 7:00am, exactly one week ago. Which really ain't shit when you think about it, and definitely nothing compared to her previous record breaking drought of a year and 7 months. But when you've been getting dicked down three times a day, three times a week, for the past six months? A week is like an eternity.

She looks back at the clock, 7:40am. Too fucking early to be this sexually frustrated yet too late to rub one out before work. So she grudgingly hops in the bathroom to take a cold shower and heads out.

It's definitely a Starfucks, excuse me, Starbucks morning she thinks. As she waits in line for the guy behind the counter whose obviously banging the latin barista to take her order, she can't help but feel like the female version of Josh Hartnett in 40 Days and 40 Nights. EVERYTHING REMINDED HER OF PENIS. HIS penis. And what a wonderful penis it was. Big, but not scary get the fuck outta here big. It was kinda perfect - its owner on the other hand not so much. She begins to imagine herself walking hand in hand with his perfect penis through a meadow of sunflowers and then her vagina slaps her and she manages to gather her thoughts long enough to place her order.

"Tall white chocolate mocha with extra whip and a slice of poundcock please."

OH FUCK MY LIFE she screams on the inside as she feels her face flush. And with that she knows it's gonna be a long, hard, dick - I mean day.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Do for Like.

I always hear that the things you don't do for your man, another woman will. Usually, these "things" are sexual i.e. head on demand, or better yet - anal. Sometimes, they're mental i.e. making a man feel like a man, stroking his ego every now and then. Other times, they're as simple as cooking him a hearty meal or ironing his shirt.

But there's so much emphasis on the mans perspective in movies, song lyrics, and of course real life, that we fail to remember it can definitely go both ways. But for us? It's a little different.

If you don't tell us we're beautiful. Someone else will. If you don't remind us how special we are, someone else will. If you don't send us cute 'lil text messages that we read over and over and over again, someone else will. And if you don't do things like bring us our favorite flavor Pop-Tarts along with 2 Milk Chugs - someone probably already has.

Men seem to think women want so much. Not really. The truth is we need so little. So little that some of yall just can't seen to grasp this concept.

And maybe we won't get with this "someone else," but the more" someone else" does what you don't? It'll just remind us how much we shouldn't be with you.

BUSTER - WHAT IT IS RIGHT NOW!

Still a lil' pissy Torres didn't get the Golden Glove but like Kat said, "It's hard to fit a golden glove over your hand when you have a World Series ring on" GIRL, DON'T HURT 'EM. Congrats Buster! "We got Timmy and Torres, Huff Daddy and Buster Posey, HANDS DOWN, ROOKIE OF THE YEARRRRRRRRRRRR!"

My Good Karma

Hi. Hello. I hope you're my good karma. 'Cuz your face? Yeah, I like that shit. Matter fact, I think if we combined it with mine to make mini versions of us, they could be baby GAP models.

Like, for real.

So I'm asking you. No, I'm begging you: Please sweep me off my feet. 'Cuz I refuse to let the nice guy finish second in a two-person race when the other dude ain't even getting off of his fucking couch. I'm rootin for ya, I really am. Along with her, and her, and him, and every other person I know that wants to see me happy.

But the heart wants what it wants. I'm hoping that after a few more non-dates it'll want you. 'Cuz I could be crazy (well, we've already established that) buuut, I think ... I think a lot. Too much. But this time? I think ... it might. just. work.

So if you miss me, don't let me know. If you like me, don't let it show. If you want to kiss me, please refrain. And when there's other people around, don't say my name. Go out with the boys and don't return my text. Don't look in my eyes. Don't tell me I'm beautiful. And make sure to check out other women as they walk by. Because I swear I'll fuck shit up if you don't.

I know, it's ridiculous. How about you just don't give me too much too soon. And I know I'm acting like a bitch, but don't be an asshole either. You can thank me later, when we're doing what it is that creates those baby Gap models. 'Cuz it's not that I don't like nice guys. I love yall. And I empathize. I'm a nice girl ...

... that got some bad habits. So once again I'm asking. No, I'm begging: Please sweep me off my feet ... before I walk all over you.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Haul-leluia!

After all the post season madness and celebrating, I'm really starting to appreciate sleeping and waking up early. Had a long day yesterday at the sample sale, and then a long fight night afterwards but I was in bed by midnight and woke up 2 hours ago hangover free. Just wanted to say thanks to the hospitable boys of Black Scale and thanks to everyone who came through esp. Cara, Melissa, Michelle, and Camille! The deals were so ridiculous, I had to (of course) cop some shit myself. Can't wait to rock it this weekend at "Pray for Snow".

Friday, November 12, 2010

In the Morning (One for the Road)

I think me and him had morning sex in another lifetime 'cuz this is sounding all too familiar, mmhmm. Ladies, the lyrics are worth reading lol. I feel like I need a cigarette and I don't even smoke. Handle it yall, and have a wonderful weekend!

"Baby you summertime fine, I'll let you get on top
I'll be the underline I'm-trynna get beside you like the number 9, dime
You fine as hell
I guess I met you for a reason only time could tell,
but well
I'm wondering what type of shit you on
Do you like the finer things or are you a simple women?
Would you drink with a nigga, do you smoke weed?

Done be ashamed-it ain't no thang, I used to blow tress
Getting lifted
I quit the shit, I might get high with you
It's only fitting cause I'm looking super fly with you

I fly with you, powerful, you do something to me
Cause girl I caught the vibez like you threw something to me-so I threw em' back
Now all my niggaz hollering "who is that? -Oh boy she bad nigga, what chu bout to do with that? "
I fein'n take you home sip a little Patron now we zoning
Baby you so fine


Ay can I hit it I the morning?
Can I hit it in the morning?
Can I hit it in the morning?
The sun rising while you moaning

Can I hit it in the morning?
Can I hit it in the morning?
Can I hit it in the morning?
The sun rising while you moaning

Yea, yea now are you shy or is you freaky lady?
Are you shallow cause if not I'll take it deeper baby

Tell me what turns you on
You like the slow songs?
You like some candles lite?
That ain't really my style
But see I planned a trip
And yea we both cumin
Just tell me how you want it

I give it to you like I owe you something-when I'm on it, on it like my job
I'm hoping I confess
This life gets hard I can take away your stress if you let me
You knew just what this was when you met me
So let your guard down girl

I'll take your bra down girl and undress ya
Real slow yea I'll make you feel special
I can feel your heart beating fast
From the passion, ya hands reaching for the sheets to grab
And now ya leaking, freaking ain't no speakin but ya moaning!
Ya so fine I got to give it to you


Now can I hit it I the morning?
Can I hit it in the morning?
Can I hit it in the morning?
The sun rising while you moaning
So can I hit it in the morning?

Can I hit it in the morning?
Ay can I hit it in the morning?
The sun rising while you moaning

I got a slight obsession-of watch your face while ya moaning
Do you like caressin or do you like aggression?

You the fighting, wrestling, biting pillows
Do you want it in the dark or while the lights is still on?
I'm fantasizing in my mind bout how your body feel
While we sweating you drippin wet from what your body spill
Now if your nervous and hesitant just let it go

See baby lately seems my life been hell and heaven knows
That you looking like an angel-sent from the heavens, God bless your every angle
Got a nigga tangle in your spider web
I'm doing shit I never might of did
And I ain't stopping baby even if the light is red
Your body's right as rain
So where the hydroplane
That ass is fat baby ain't no way to hide your frame
Thank God I found you
Just holla when you want it

Cause girl your so thorough

Now can I hit it I the morning?
Can I hit it in the morning?
Can I hit it in the morning?
The sun rising while you moaning
Can I hit it in the morning?
Can I hit it in the morning?"

I WANT!

SF Giants Mr. Potato Head
I mean come on. I'm a Giants fan and act like a 7 year old every now and then. What better toy is there? They should customize it though so it comes with a detachable rally thong, Andres Torres butt, Freddy Sanchez moles, "Machine" outfit, and of course various beards.
San Francisco Giants 2010 World Series Collectors Edition DVD Set
Because I just can't fucking let go and want to relive every post-season game, feelings of torture and rapture included. And because I just realized that I cried more for the World Series than I did for the Notebook, and A Walk to Remember combined.

Selfish

As women, some of us feel all sorts of emotions at any given moment regardless of what time of the month it is. One minute we're on top of the world and the next, we're crying into a tub of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice-cream. I am no exception. I've spent many days feeling bi-polar like this. And honestly, you don't even need to have estrogen to experience frustration, pain, anger, and euphoria at the same time. All you need to be is a Giants fan!

But right now? I'm feeling SELFISH. Like, Scrooge selfish. No, Slum Village selfish.

Maybe it's cuz I'm sick and tired of caring for people who don't care about me. Maybe, I never cared enough about myself to begin with. Or "Maybe I'm feelin myself too much I guess," *shrugs shoulders*. Whatever the reason, and despite the fact I'll probably feel different tomorrow, or shit within the next hour, right this very minute? I'm feeling selfish.

I want more purses than I need, more shoes than I can afford, a puppy, a polar bear, a baked potato with sour cream AND bacon AND green onions AND cheese AND butter AND chives. I want an IPhone and a Blackberry, a Mac Book and an IPad. I want Lance Moore fri-mon and Jonathan Sanchez tues-thurs, and a fucking goose that lays motherfucking golden eggs.

I.
WANT.
IT.
ALL.

I wanna make money. Drink with my boys. Talk shit with my girls. Handle business. Party, and bullshit. And not feel guilty 'cuz he's dropping me off five minutes before he's picking me up. But most of all, (as cliche as it sounds) I just wanna "do me." I haven't done that in a while. And when I really think about it, I don't think I've ever done it 100% before. 50% maybe. 60% would be kinda pushing it. At any rate, I'm long overdue.


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Currently on Repeat

You Be Killin 'Em~Fab
"Shorty in the streets, still handle the home
Enough class for wine, still handle Patron
When them other hoes call I hand her the phone
And she hand 'em the tone..."


All the Way Turned Up~Roscoe Dash feat. Soulja Boy
Because this song is Sergio Romo's entrance music and makes me wanna act ignorant lol. SORRY.

Fall for Your Type~Jamie Foxx feat. Drizzy
"That's why I'm a take you anywhere you wanna go, let you meet my friends
So they can lecture me again about how reckless I have been
And I'm slowly runnin outta all the time that I invested,
Making all the same mistakes and I'm just trying to correct it"


All of the Lights~Kanye feat. everybody and they mama
Although, I would've preferred Alicia's part longer and MIA or Santagold instead of Fergie

Wonderland~Natalia Kills
(thnx to the Hi Life ;)
"I don't believe in fairy tales. But I believe in you and me"

The Power of the Post-It

As usual, my first full week back at work from my nice, long, relaxing Hawaii vacation was as CRUCIAL as expected. So I woke up this morning hating life a little and feeling like an ungrateful brat. But the past few days have been tougher than usual. As I was taking my unbearably routine elevator ride up to my floor the other day, I sighed as its four walls closed in on me like a coffin and asked myself, "What's it gonna take for you to GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE?"

The above was written on 9/16 and it is now nearly a month later. And every single day of this past month I've been blogging away from my desk at the 9-5 in sheer AGONY. And as I type this very blog, T-Mobile is calling me to tell me that my bill is late (again) and I can hear my co-workers to the left discussing the demise of the corporation I work for. *cues Kanye's All Falls Down*

So I ask myself once again, "What's it gonna take for you to GET UP, GET OUT, AND DO SOMETHING?"

Today is now November fucking 10th. Jesus H. Christ. And I think, I've finally found the answer to the question above. I once read in a book by Lauren Conrad (DON'T JUDGE MEEEE! LOL) that she - I mean the "character" in the book moved from her small town to L.A. to feel "uncomfortable". Well my idea of uncomfortable is something slightly short of what I'm feeling right now. It's dark and depressing with an extra helping of self-sabotage on the side. And usually when a person is feeling like this, they have poor judgment. They don't believe in themselves, and never seem to realize just how strong they are.

Back in September, as I was walking to the MUNI stop in the morning I saw a post-it stuck on the wall of Walgreens. It's the one I took a picture of above. And it was all I needed to feel better that day, and part of what I need to feel better right now. While believing in yourself is most important, remember that even if you don't - someone else does. A lot of people do. I wanted to take the post-it and stick it in my wallet for days like today but I left it there for the next person. I hope it brightened up their day as much as mine. And I hope it brightens up yours too.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

HELLZ YEAH.

Get Yourself An Asshole

Do yourself a favor. The next time you're at Target, you know perusing through the aisles and sticking things in your cart that you don't even need - don't forget to cop yourself an asshole.

No, for real. I promise you won't regret it. Plus, there are so many of them to choose from. They're like fucking Pokemon, gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all! And, if you're a nice, hopeless romantic who gives people the benefit of the doubt - you will. From the Filipino ones to the Caucasian ones to the Latin ones. They come in all shapes and sizes, weights and backgrounds. And age ain't nothing but a number ending in ASSHOLE.

Feel free to be greedy too, because there's plenty of them to go around. And there's an asshole for every preference. There's the "promoters" and "entrepreneurs." The "rappers" and "athletes." The "djs" and "personal trainers". There's even the "regular Joes" that work for AT&T and the "seemingly nice guys" that chase you down the block because you dropped your wallet. It's 2010 - they're everywhere! So pick one. Shit, pick more than one. I did.

Because it takes a few assholes (or in my case a BUNCH) to direct you towards the really good men. Sometimes, it takes being lied to and cheated on to realize that you deserve honesty and love. If you can't recognize the red flags of an asshole, you'll never raise the white flag for the good guy and allow him to sweep you off your feet. You gotta cry because it hurts, until there's only enough left to cry because you're so fucking happy you just might explode.

I don't know a single woman happily in love today, that's never been devastatingly heart broken before. So go get yourself an asshole. Feel stupid and naive and psycho over them, so that you can feel happy, and grateful for the nice guy. No one ever plans on falling in love with an asshole. By the time we realize a mans true colors, it's too late. But it's never too late to let a good guy treat you the way a good woman deserves to be treated.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Once Upon A Time


As a little girl, my favorite movies were Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Labyrinth, Howard the Duck, Legend, and Garbage Pail Kids. But that doesn't mean I wasn't wishing upon a star too. I was whistlin' while I worked to Snow White and Bippity, Boppity, Boo-ing to Cinderella just like every other kindergartner that thought she was a real life princess.

Alice in Wonderland was my favorite Disney movie, but I won't lie. The beautiful gowns, dream balls, and Prince Charmings were appealing to me. And in make-believe, there is always a Prince Charming, ready and willing to gallop in on his white horse and rescue you from whatever it is you're in need of escaping whether it be an ugly stepmother, wicked witch, or heartache. The good guys always prevail, the bad guys always disappear in a cloud of smoke, the birds sing, the sun sets, and you ride off into it.

And then, you grow up. And people tell you that it's all a lie. That nobody ever tells the story of how Snow White was physically abused by her 7 dwarfs, and how Prince Charming fucked an ugly step-sister one drunken night. So you're sitting there feeling shitty for being Princess Jasmine on Halloween because you just got played on by your Aladdin. They tell you not to believe, and that there is no such thing as a "happy ever after".

I'm here to tell you that there is one.

To tell you that you can have your Prince Charming, and enchanted castle (or in my case 2-story condo with walk in closet and infinity pool). I mean, why the fuck not? Who says you CAN'T have your fairy tale ending? YOU. That's who.

I'm not saying to grow your hair out and wait at the top of Coit Tower like a dumb ass damsel in distress. I'm saying fairy-tales don't have to involve fire breathing dragons, horse-drawn carriages, and magical kisses that wake you up from a 20 year slumber. Because my fairy-tale ending includes a couple of New York Times bestsellers (a few of which are turned into award winning movies), a murdered out 2011 special edition Chevy Camaro, 2 dogs (both pits), 4 children (1 boy, 1 girl, and then a set of twins), and yes - my very own Prince Charming. Well, maybe not Prince Charming (I always thought he was kinda soft) but a Ross to my Rachel, a Noah to my Allie, a Carlito to my Gail, a Will to my Jada.

So tell the dream killers to STFU and worry about themselves. Be realistic, but NEVER stop dreaming. You write your happily ever after.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

"TOO MUCH AWESOME"

OK Yonathan, you might just have to fight for my love.
'Cuz BWeezy's personality is winning my heart right now.

Friday, November 5, 2010

TGIF - Mi Vida Loca Edition

In no kinda order 'cuz I'm too lazy ... the past week in pictures.

San Francisco's City Hall showing their Giants support.

Me and Sergio Romo, coolest dude ever. He was double fisting Corona's all night!


Heem for breakfast before the parade started.

I'm sure s/he HATED this.

Coit Tower reppin Orange November.

Happy birthday mom!


YES PLEASE.

Emmanuel Burriss

Good lookin out Franny, Roys be knowing!

Thnx Kat for the invite, you're a fool for this one!

And lastly, the man who never stopped believing: ASHKON!

HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GREAT WEEKEND!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Love and Baseball

THIS IS NOT A POST ABOUT BASEBALL.

So no need to take me off your google reader just yet.

However, this IS a post about family. About friends. About memories. About putting a dent in ones bucket list. It's about a legacy.About a dream turned reality. About pain and passion. About loyalty. Laughter. Good, old fashioned fun. Discipline. Determination. Blood, sweat, and tears. It's about heart. Courage. Humility. About feeling like a kid again. It's about LOVE. And yes, it's also about torture.

This morning I tuned into KRON 4 news like I usually do when I get ready for work, and watched them interview Giants fans at Civic Center. When they asked one man how he felt about winning the World Series he said, "I just wish my pops was here to see this."

I CRY NOW. AGAIN.

The other week I read this blurb about Debbie Freitas, who shared Giants season tickets with her husband Dan back in the 80s. He passed away two years ago, but it hasn't stopped her from attending the games in the same section and wearing his Giants jacket for good luck.

The night the Giants won the World Series, I headed over to the Embarcadero to catch what was apparently the "hood" portion of the celebration. As I was sitting shotty with the window down screaming back to folks on the street chanting, "GIANTS BABYYYY!" I saw two guys walking towards each other. One was a middle-aged white man in a suit and Giants baseball hat. The other, a young black man in an oversized Giants jersey and dreadlocks. They smiled and gave each other a hi-five. It was kinda awesome.

And somewhere out there is an interview of Edgar Renteria in which he admits to breaking down in front of the team in tears thinking his career was over. Today, he's the 2010 World Series Champs MVP. But more importantly, he is a hero and a symbol of hope.

Some people don't like the Giants. OK fine. But to me, they are so much more than a team.
Some people think baseball is the most boring sport ever. I get it, I do. But to me, this is so much bigger than baseball.

Amongst the madness of Corona bottles and people on top of trees at the parade yesterday, I noticed A LOT of families. Especially, parents with their children. Some too young to even know what was going on, yet still adorning teeny-tiny Giants onesies. I watched Wilson's last pitch with my mom at Roy's in celebration of her birthday and although I wished I was drunk at some sports bar with my friends, I was happy I got to witness history with the woman who brought me into this world on her special day. I can only hope I get to do the same with my future children one day.

OK, so maybe this post was a little bit about baseball. Just a little bit. But I'm not going to say sorry. Because anything that was meaningful enough to make grown men (and big babies like me) cry is worth writing about. So no apologies here. Only "Thank-yous." Thank you to the 2010 World Series Champs, the San Francisco Giants, for painting the town proud and happy, and orange and black for days beyond Halloween. Thank you for bringing together my beloved city that I've lived for 27 years. And thank you to my readers who've painstakingly beared with me during all my baseball blabber, I guess it was torture for you too.


Thanks for the pic "Nicholas" lol.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

SF GIANTS - 2010 WORLD SERIES CHAMPS

"But it's been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race
And I aint gonna lose

We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting - till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
Cause we are the champions - of the world"

Monday, November 1, 2010

Go GIANT, OR GO HOME

Now they get to do both :)

Feel it in the Air

Now playing Beanie Sigel's "Feel it in the Air," because I can damn near taste it. I won't say exactly what for fear of sounding cocky, or jinxing it, but yall know what I'm talking about. Gonna keep this one short and sweet though. I just wanted to say that last nights game was absolutely BEAUTIFUL. The best executed thus far this series. Not luck for us. Not bad luck for them. Just well-played baseball. The double play in the 6th was like fucking poetry. Huff's homerun (although you couldn't really tell 'cuz it missed the stands) was deeper than a 9-inch dick in virgin pussy and held sentimental value (did i just use the words dick, pussy, and sentimental value in the same sentence?), aaaaand MVP of the night in my personal opinion (not including Mad Bum 'cuz he played in a league of his own)? Body-roll Sanchez. Texas had him all over the place but that catch he made where he flipped over backwards? Oh yah, that shit was DIRTY.