Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Single to None

Upon posting this blog, I've gotten a few messages from readers who were surprised that I was single. I sometimes get the same reaction from people in person too. They always ask me "Why?" or "How?" as if I'm supposed to be in a relationship. I think this is funny, and a little strange especially when just a year ago people were shocked as shit to find out I had a boyfriend lol.

My girls think I'm single because I'm scared. My boys think I'm single because I'm picky. My mom thinks I'm single because she swears no one will ever be good enough for her "little girl." And for the longest time I thought I was single because I was crazy. Because I was unworthy, because I didn't deserve to be loved. Because I was dysfunctional and stupid.

And then one day I woke up and realized I'm single ... because I choose to be. DUH.

Because I don't need to get under someone just to get over someone else.

Because I can handle being alone.

Because sometimes, dudes can't handle having a beautiful, intelligent, funny, caring, outgoing, and talented girlfriend that gets along with everyone because other people notice she's all of these things too.

Because I don't settle. And this has absolutely nothing to do with looks or money.

Because I don't need to be put on a pedestal by someone else just to validate everything I should've already known.

Because quite honestly, I wouldn't know how the fuck to act in a relationship right now.

And most of all, because when it comes to having a boyfriend - I DON'T PLAY. I make sure it feels right. I make sure it IS right. I make sure I'm not in a relationship, just to BE in a relationship. I make sure I'm not just filling a void my past boyfriends have left behind. I make sure I'm ready. That he's ready. That WE'RE ready. I make sure it's not just some rebound. Not just for "fun." Not just "there." Not just someone to fill the other side of the bed. Not just someone to help me get over the last guy.

Because when it comes to having a boyfriend, I will do everything I possibly can to make the relationship work and make him happy so I want to make sure he's worth it. And sure my judgement may be off sometimes, but you also have to take risk. Because you never know unless you try. So if me being single gets mistaken for me being scared, or picky, or snobby - well then I guess I rather be all that. 'Cuz the last thing I want to be, is in a relationship just because I don't want to be single.


Unknown said...

I love, love this!!!! Thank you for having the ability to write what I have been feeling lately. It's been 10 mos since the ex left after 9 years of togetherness, and people ask me these questions all the time, or even better, set me up with someone!

Next time someone ask me why i'm single, I'd be more than happy to direct them to this blog. =)

**on a side note, why is my word verification "dic sized?" LMAO! Thought I'd share! Haha.

Chase said...

Thank you for this, Abi. Thank you again for your words that always seem to come at the perfect time.

Mouf.Peace said...

@sheryl lmao, i swear my blogger site knows me so well. and your welcome.

@chase i'm glad i can help.

for the both of u, i just saw this quote.

"When it comes to love, you need not fall but rather surrender,surrender to the idea that you must love yourself before you can love another. You must absolutely trust yourself before you can absolutely trust another and most importantly you must accept your flaws before you can accept the flaws of another."

i know so many people in relationships that haven't surrendered. tsk. tsk.

Yvonne said...

I love it! thats exactly how i felt a couple months ago after being in an 8 year relationship to then to finally be single, I went on a dating rampage, but then realized that I didn't need a man around I just needed me time. thanks abi!

janet anne said...

what i needed to read today. thank you abi. :) first time i've been single since my sophomore year of high school. just got broken up with and looking for reassurance that i'm gonna be okay.

linh said...

love this post!

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

OMAGAH! LOVE THAT! this single to none piece rox. you have to read the one I wrote http://eveonmymind.blogspot.com/2007/11/challenges-of-dating-me.html

Okay I am officially hooked on your blog! La Eve!

Michelle said...

praise the lord for "SINGLE LADIES!" I'm definitely going to reblog this (and of course give you credit! you deserve every bit of it!)