Friday, April 9, 2010

Family Ties

The other day I was talking to my homegirl about the relationships we have with our exes parents and she said, "I don't want to have boys. I don't want to have to deal with the broken hearts they leave behind."

It was one of the most profound statements I've heard in a while.

I then imagined being a mother to a handsome young man, and all the relationships with his girlfriends that I'd make and then have to painfully sever due to my dumb-ass son being ... well, a dumb-ass. All the times I'd have to reassure myself that I raised him better and know he's better, but that ultimately, boys will be boys until one day they turn into men.

The only thing worse than looking at my son who I of course love more than myself, and shaking my head over how he did such a right girl wrong, is having to be the mother of the girl that he did wrong. Having to hear her sob in her room at night, feeling like a failure as a parent when I have to wipe away her tears and tell her, "Nothing is wrong with you. It is not your fault." As excited as I am to have children in the future, I am twice as scared. It's a big responsibility knowing that your every move and word has the potential to impact someone else's life.

It's kind of how I feel about this blog. 'Cuz this blog in a sense IS my baby. And as much as I want to "keep it real," I still have to watch what I say. And as much as I want to help people out and answer all your questions, I know I can't solve them. I get so many emails from girls who are still in high school and while I'm honored that you trust me with your problems and value my opinion, I'm also shitting bricks searching deep for a response that at the very least won't make you feel WORSE.

When I wrote my first "Dear Abi" post, which was actually a question asked by one of my good friends, I didn't think complete strangers would write in. I'm over here thinking "Holy shit, wtf have I done?" lol. I didn't sign up for this, but I'll gladly fill the position. The thing is, I am not the best mentour. I've fucked up. I STILL fuck up. But if someone can learn a thing or two from my mistakes so that they don't have to make them - then that's the best advice I could ever not give.

Ever since me and my friend had that conversation it forced me to look at things in a new perspective. If you're the one doing the hurting, think before you act, Can you honestly say that what you're doing to this girl right now is OK? Would you approve if your daughters boyfriend did it to her? Ladies, What would you do if some chick talked to your little brother the way you talk to, disrespect, and belittle your man? If you're hurting and you write me and I unfortunately don't respond right away, you gotta ask yourself, What would I tell my best friend if they asked me the same question?

It doesn't matter if you have girls, boys, girlsarethenewboys, or no kids at all. Treat people with the same reverence you'd treat your son, your daughter, your brother, your sister, your parents, or your best friend, if not the way you'd treat yourself. 'Cuz you never know, the hearts that you break now may come back to you one day in the form of your daughter/sons tears.


Anonymous said...

I dont typically leave comments, but this blog was actually pretty touching.

DJ CMC said...

not every guy is some dumbass, heartbreaker...think about it!

Mouf.Peace said...

there's not a single part of my blog that said there was!