Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Boys are the New Girls Pt. 1 (Edited)

Here is my disclaimer for this post (and probably every single post I write): I refuse to write a disclaimer just to explain myself.

So I apologize in advance for anyone I am about to potentially offend. Now fuck off and go read

Women may be from Venus and men might be from Mars but I promise u there's a little planet somewhere in between where they meet up, have drinks, and procreate. Because believe it or not - we are a lot more similar than we think, or at least would like to admit.

I currently have a drafted post which talks about this very premise. However, after reading this from my favorite male blogger (and future ex-husband lol), I was inspired to write 2 other posts as well. Reading Jozen's take on activities men like to do but just can't do together, reminded me of a conversation I had with my girl after yoga last night:

Me: U know, as much as I think a man in yoga class shows just how open-minded and well-rounded he is ... I still wouldn't want my man doing it
Her: Me too
Me: 'Cuz well .. it's just ... not ... very masucline. Actually, it's kinda gay
Her: Yeah, just go to the boxing gym next door, I'll go to yoga, and we can meet each other afterwards to go eat
Me: LOL! Seriously, 'cuz there's just certain poses I never want to see a man doing ... (like Dandayamana Dhanurasana for instance. it's ok, I'll give u a minute to google it)

Then I thought about all the other hobbies I would commend my man for being interested in or trying out if I asked - yet would never be on my "Things I look for in a man," list and came up with the following:

  • Figure skating: Just because a man figure skates, it doesn't mean he's gay. He just looks gay, that's all. It takes great athleticism and determination to be a professional ice-skater but the gracefullness and the rhinestones and the spandex just throw me off. I mean, can't u just be a football player or something?
  • Sewing/Knitting/Crocheting: I'm not great at any of these things, so it would actually be beneficial if my man was good at sewing. I'd never have to worry about having the same dress on at the club as another chick. But the thought of coming home and catching my man in the living room bobbing his head to Colby Callait with a thimble on his thumb while hemming my pants doesn't exactly make me wanna give him a "Honey I'm home" bj. And Goddammit a thimble shouldn't even be able to fit on your thumb! Your big hands should only be touching ME, or the parts of your muscle car.
  • Hairstyling/Braiding: OK, I'm lying. I don't mind too much if a dude can cut womens hair. But hair braiding is just un-called for. I'll admit it, I've asked my man to braid my hair for me before. And after they'd unsuccessfully attempt to do a single braid, it of course was met with an "Awww," of approval because of the effort. But had I asked that and they brought out the rat tail comb, pro styl gel, and mini-rubberbands? I would've freaked the fuck out and slept at my moms.
  • Nails Art: I was tempted to put makeup application, but then I remembered my old homie who worked at Origins (i think). He was straight, he was handsome, and at times he had to apply makeup on customers. But I'm sure he did it in a "This chapstick really makes ur lips soft and supple ... maybe I can take u out later and we can find out," kinda way so it didn't make the list. But I just couldn't give my number to a dude who was filing my nails while we talked about last nights episode of Dancing w/ the Stars no matter how fine he was.
  • (Just added) The bathroom mirror/MySpace pic: I know you're handsome. That's one of the reasons ur my bf. And I know u got the body of Adonis, that's why I run my hands all up and down u when we fuck. Which is why it's totally unecessary for u to take a picture of urself with a Zoolander face and send it to me, what more post it on MySpace/FB. If I asked for it (which I never will. I'd be more likely to ask for a picture of ur dick first), fine. Otherwise, put the camera phone down.

Ladies, anything u wanna add? Men, do u agree?


Chase said...

"This chapstick really makes ur lips soft and supple ... maybe I can take u out later and we can find out," is such a corny but ill line. Shit, if a cute make up artist used that on me, I'd probably roll my eyes but let him take me somewhere lol
Funny, there's a dude in my yoga class...he's cute but no one tries to holler. It's like...don't you wanna go play ball w/ the other dudes or lift weights lol? Leave

crash said...

mans-page endorses this article

Mouf.Peace said...

@chase lmao! seeeee? i'm not sayin that just cuz a dude does yoga he's gay. i'm just sayin .... today this dude sat next to me in class, and holy shit he shitted on all my poses. flexible ass fucker. but i dunno ... i rather have seen him at the mma gym next door lol. let ME be the flexible one.

@crash i knew it would haha!