Friday, June 19, 2009
I'm 5'00" and currently weigh 113lbs. I KNOW I AM NOT FAT. But I am definitely not where I want to be physically.
A lot of people think I'm crazy just because I choose to eat a beet salad over a deep fried cheeseburger every once in a while, or want to spend a sunny afternoon running the lake instead of sitting at home with my lap top on my stomach all day. It's as if I'm being persecuted for wanting to look and feel healthy. And I can't for the life of me understand WHY.
Why is it that just because I'm not overweight, and don't have kankles or a spare tire, that I can't eat good or go to the gym without having some hatin ass ho makin a side comment or lookin at me as if I got 3 titties growing outta my forehead?
RELAX. I don't starve myself. Trust me, I couldn't even if I tried. I love all kinds of food, healthy or junk, I don't discriminate - I'm a heffer! Spicy shrimp w/ bacon and mushrooms over cheesy grits? Been there, done that! Kim-Chee-Beef Fried Rice? All day, everyday! Deep fried oreoes? Why don't mind if I do! But being that I am now 27 and don't have the lifestyle nor the metabolism I used to have when I was 21, I have to actually put in effort into maintaining a bikini ready body. Because although I am not overweight - I have gained weight, and not in the places I wish.
And that's probably the only part that sucks for me: knowing that what I once had is lost. 'Cuz if u ain't never had it before, then ain't nothing to miss. But knowing that at one point u were at the pinnacle of ur fitness but got lost somewhere in between the tiramisu, molten lava cake, coconut creme brulee, and relying on good genes sucks huevos rancheros. So because I love food too much and have no kinda diet discipline, I've come to the conclusion (for about the 9th time) that I need to stop wasting my $30 a month at Ballys and start gym'n it on the regular so I don't have to suck it in or hold my water bottle over my tummy to hide the baby pot-belly (albeit cute and squishy).
Now before u unleash ur "wtf are u talking about u skinny bitch?" wrath on me, just remember that everyone has his or her own preferences of what the ideal body is. While there are men attracted to my body type, there are just as many who think I'm way too skinny, others would like me to do some sit-ups. This is why I am a firm believer in doing things for urself and not for the acceptance or approval of others. 'Cuz just as important as looking straight Sports Illustrated status in a bikini is being able to feel great in anything, whether it be in an unforgiving Herve Leger dress or gamma's mumu. I know it sounds like a whole bunch of hippie self-help book booshit, but TRUST, there's been days where I've looked flawless but felt like the ugliest person in the world. And honestly when I was hitting the gym routinely, I really didn't see too much of a change in my appearance but I just felt better, more pro-active, and energetic.
So if you don't meet societies standards of the ideal body - who fucking cares? I'll never be that, I'm 5 feet tall for Christ's sake! And I'll never match up to the concept of my body icons either, because they're all curvaceous yet toned and athletic, and I'm petite with no hips and the torso of a 9 year old boy. Hence, I work with what I have. U don't have to work out, u don't have to wear a two-piece, u don't have to have Janet Jackson abs as long as u are happy with what u have. But what u do want, is to be able to be the healthiest 45 year old out there. U want to be able to chase an asshole down the block when he attempts to steal ur purse. And u want to be able to play around with your children, without having to see that sad look on their face when u call for an early "timeout," 'cuz ur legs, or ur lungs, or ur heart can't take it.
P.S. And for the last time people, quit getting "petite" and "skinny" mixed up.