Tuesday, December 21, 2010


If you know me, then you'll know there is one thing that grosses me out more than anything in the world, and that's FEET.

Yeah I get it, everyone has them and we need feet to walk and shit. And while I'll admit that a clean pair of Js always looks better on some small, girl feet - that is just about the extent of my "foot fetish". But just plain, old out in the open bare feet? I CANNOT. I said it before and I'll say it again: the only cute feet to me are baby feet. I give a fuck if you have no corns, no bunions, or if your feet smell like potpourri. Even if you're a foot model, your feet are ugly.

Now, I get the dudes who simply wanna make sure a chicks feet aren't busted. Don't trip, I seen Boomerang. But thennn. Thennn, you get the weirdos that wanna suck on your toes. The ones that would rather see your feet than a titty. I've had the occasional dudes who would purposely stare at my toes when I wore sandals just to get a kick outta making me squirm. But it wasn't until the last guy I dated that I met someone with a full on foot fetish.

Apparently, when he was little his mom put him in the center of the room filled with his aunties and made him give all of them a foot massage. 25 or so years later, it then evolved into him wanting to kiss my feet when my legs were on his shoulders during sex. And I kid you not no matter how epic the sex was, I would push his face away. I ain't knockin it. To each their own. I'm sure there's some shit I'm into that other people aren't. It's just that ...


The following are a few other things I don't get, that should've never been invented, and give me the heebie jeebies:

The toe ring: The least of my nightmares but still on the list. Because, ok REALLY? WHY? That's all I'm asking, WHY?

Toe socks: OK seriously. What the fuck is the point? Was it killing someone so bad that they didn't have gloves for their feet? It's not like you're gonna write with your toes. I get why we have gloves as opposed to mittens for your hands but was this shit really necessary?

I don't even know wtf these are: And as an avid runner (OK not so avid during the rainy season), I can appreciate that these are ergonomic for your feet but I like to refrain from looking like a frog/alien life form as much as possible. Give me some customs or even Frees and I'm good.
Press on toenails: Pssst hey. Hey you. Just like them acrylics on your fingers I CAN TELL THAT YOUR TOENAILS ARE FAKE!!!!!!!!!! I definitely see it's purpose but that shit right there just doesn't look right. I have a better solution to fucked up toenails: SHOES.

And lastly, this shit right HERE. Even worse, when a chick jacks off a dude with her feet. What are they called? FOOT JOBS? I FUCKING DIE NOW.

OK, rant over. I cannot believe I made it through this post without yacking. Wait, never mind I feel it coming alkjsddkfljsdf. A lot of yall asked though, so here's your reply. But just so you know, one of the only 2 things I'm high maintenance about are mani/pedis and I make sure to get one AT LEAST once a month. AT LEAST. Just because I don't like my feet don't mean I ain't gonna take care of 'em. Because what I DO like are shoes. Heels. Pumps. Sandals. Wedges. And this includes open toes. And a nice pedicure with some open toes should be a common courtesy. No, it should be the law.

If there's anything you feel "weird" about or anything you'd like to add onto this list feel free to! RANT OVER lol.


gailey said...

ALL those things gross me out!!! eeerrrr!! i once had to wrestle a guy out off trying to suck my toes. NO JOKE. fkn gross!

Se7en said...

"If there's anything you feel 'weird' about or anything you'd like to add onto this list feel free to!"

Let me get back to you!

(I cannot believe you did a post on this... like a FULL ON one too! lol)

Se7en said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ashley sade said...

*GAG! this whole post made me want to yack. i should send this link to my boyfriend lol. i hate hate hate haaaaaate feet but my man loves mine & swears theyre "the prettiest feet hes ever seen" :( hell stare at em & cheese, hell kiss em any chance he gets, hell baby talk to 'em & then his defense when i get grossed out or mad.. "why do you paint them then if you dont want anyone to look at them?" lol fml.

Chase said...

i fucking hate feet. they're so disgusting. I literally gagged at that gif of toe sucking lol i fully understand you

Mouf.Peace said...

@gail - lmao. i would've punched him.

@7 - i can't believe it either. i shuddered everytime i had to look at the press on toe nail pic.

@ash - or "well then why do u wear open toe shoes then?" but i'm dying over the fact that jay BABY TALKS them. "aww wook at the wittle toesies aba jaba joo" haaaah. GROSS.

@chase - good to know i'm not the only one, *whew*

whyme777x said...

Podophobia, an irrational fear of feet. I'm fairly confident disgust and fear are two separate beasts. The difference being, if you see someone take their shoes off, and you tell them "put your shoes back on, you nasty bastard!", that's simple disgust. However, if you see someone take their shoes off, and you equate that a real life Jason Vorhees running at you with his machete, and you run screaming from the room, that's podophobia.

I knew a guy literally afraid of mustard. Not that he didn't like the taste of it (I'm certain he never tasted it), he really couldn't stay in the same room as the mustard, if he knew it was there. If it was at the table, he wouldn't enter the room. If it was in the fridge, he would sooner starve than open it. Not really making a point with this, I just thought it'd be an interesting read.