Podophobia

If you know me, then you'll know there is one thing that grosses me out more than anything in the world, and that's FEET.

Yeah I get it, everyone has them and we need feet to walk and shit. And while I'll admit that a clean pair of Js always looks better on some small, girl feet - that is just about the extent of my "foot fetish". But just plain, old out in the open bare feet? I CANNOT. I said it before and I'll say it again: the only cute feet to me are baby feet. I give a fuck if you have no corns, no bunions, or if your feet smell like potpourri. Even if you're a foot model, your feet are ugly.

Now, I get the dudes who simply wanna make sure a chicks feet aren't busted. Don't trip, I seen Boomerang. But thennn. Thennn, you get the weirdos that wanna suck on your toes. The ones that would rather see your feet than a titty. I've had the occasional dudes who would purposely stare at my toes when I wore sandals just to get a kick outta making me squirm. But it wasn't until the last guy I dated that I met someone with a full on foot fetish.

Apparently, when he was little his mom put him in the center of the room filled with his aunties and made him give all of them a foot massage. 25 or so years later, it then evolved into him wanting to kiss my feet when my legs were on his shoulders during sex. And I kid you not no matter how epic the sex was, I would push his face away. I ain't knockin it. To each their own. I'm sure there's some shit I'm into that other people aren't. It's just that ...

I. DON'T. GET. IT.

The following are a few other things I don't get, that should've never been invented, and give me the heebie jeebies:

The toe ring: The least of my nightmares but still on the list. Because, ok REALLY? WHY? That's all I'm asking, WHY?

Toe socks: OK seriously. What the fuck is the point? Was it killing someone so bad that they didn't have gloves for their feet? It's not like you're gonna write with your toes. I get why we have gloves as opposed to mittens for your hands but was this shit really necessary?


I don't even know wtf these are: And as an avid runner (OK not so avid during the rainy season), I can appreciate that these are ergonomic for your feet but I like to refrain from looking like a frog/alien life form as much as possible. Give me some customs or even Frees and I'm good.
Press on toenails: Pssst hey. Hey you. Just like them acrylics on your fingers I CAN TELL THAT YOUR TOENAILS ARE FAKE!!!!!!!!!! I definitely see it's purpose but that shit right there just doesn't look right. I have a better solution to fucked up toenails: SHOES.


And lastly, this shit right HERE. Even worse, when a chick jacks off a dude with her feet. What are they called? FOOT JOBS? I FUCKING DIE NOW.

OK, rant over. I cannot believe I made it through this post without yacking. Wait, never mind I feel it coming alkjsddkfljsdf. A lot of yall asked though, so here's your reply. But just so you know, one of the only 2 things I'm high maintenance about are mani/pedis and I make sure to get one AT LEAST once a month. AT LEAST. Just because I don't like my feet don't mean I ain't gonna take care of 'em. Because what I DO like are shoes. Heels. Pumps. Sandals. Wedges. And this includes open toes. And a nice pedicure with some open toes should be a common courtesy. No, it should be the law.

If there's anything you feel "weird" about or anything you'd like to add onto this list feel free to! RANT OVER lol.