Thursday, December 16, 2010

The Beginning of the End

Written 8/31/10 finished today.

Finish your dinner and you get dessert. Finish your homework and you get to play COD. Finish the race and you get a nice, shiny trophy and bragging rights.

But lemme tell you, it doesn't always feel good to start something and finish it.

Ending a relationship, for whatever reason, although at times imperative, is never an easy thing to do. Because even if you're the one calling it quits, you can still feel like failure.

You think, "Fuck, why couldn't it have just worked out?" And if you're anything like me you'll take all the blame even when it's not your fault. Then, you'll take whatever anger or disappointment you feel, and multiply it by 10. 'Cuz as we've already established, I am an emotional cutter.

I can honestly say that I've done more breaking up, than being broken up with. I'm not gonna sit here like a jerk either and say that I'd rather get hurt than have to hurt someone else (fuck that!) BUT I will say that regardless, it does hurt both ways. To have to walk away from something you've invested your time, mind, body, and heart into ... for lack of better words - SUCKS.

I've spent a few days, ok I'm lying - weeks, wondering just THAT. Why couldn't it have just worked out? What could I have done to make it different? Was it something I did? Was it something I didn't do? What happened? And then I answered my own questions: 'Cuz it didn't. Nothing. Too late. Who cares? It doesn't matter.

It's done, and I ended. You ended it. He ended it. Now you just have to trust that it ended ... so that something better can start.

And because great minds think alike, u get a 2-for-1 today.
(For those of you confused, no these two posts aren't related)

1 comment:

Se7en said...

I tend to spend my time working on a time machine... more beneficial.

*Kanye Shrug*

[Nah. I spend my time wondering as well]

(Would you go back if you could? You could go back to ANY point - would you?)