I always hear that the things you don't do for your man, another woman will. Usually, these "things" are sexual i.e. head on demand, or better yet - anal. Sometimes, they're mental i.e. making a man feel like a man, stroking his ego every now and then. Other times, they're as simple as cooking him a hearty meal or ironing his shirt.
But there's so much emphasis on the mans perspective in movies, song lyrics, and of course real life, that we fail to remember it can definitely go both ways. But for us? It's a little different.
If you don't tell us we're beautiful. Someone else will. If you don't remind us how special we are, someone else will. If you don't send us cute 'lil text messages that we read over and over and over again, someone else will. And if you don't do things like bring us our favorite flavor Pop-Tarts along with 2 Milk Chugs - someone probably already has.
Men seem to think women want so much. Not really. The truth is we need so little. So little that some of yall just can't seen to grasp this concept.
And maybe we won't get with this "someone else," but the more" someone else" does what you don't? It'll just remind us how much we shouldn't be with you.
Monday, November 15, 2010
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As a man, I completely agree with all that you wrote. However, I will say I have found that even if you do all of the above… for some women… it still is never enough.
I have pondered over this exact subject for a while now (because of current situations recently experienced) and can honestly say that some women do not truly know what it is that they want (or more precisely... that they are never satisfied and always want more). And not only that, but being the guy whom, “had it all and one day will realize it” (according to the woman scorned or simply left dissatisfied because she felt the man was not doing enough) only comes down to perspective.
I swear I have felt for so many women who really throw down some heartfelt sob stories (women that I usually know). My automatic response used to be, “How can a guy do that to any woman?” because I was raised differently. But then, I began to pay more attention. And in some cases, I was even right there as the relationship unfolded (as a friend). And I ended up finding out something remarkable – that the guy was not as horrible as conveyed and he was actually a nice guy and was doing the right things… he just was not doing one thing or another that the woman felt he should.
And that is why I see now that it is more about perspective than anything else. Sometimes you have to step back when you believe yourself to be wronged or hurt in love or relationships and look at it from the other person’s perspective and point of view. Because maybe… just maybe they were treating you well and trying their very best. It may not have been your best… but it was their best… and the best that they could possibly give you of themselves and their love.
Only we know what we want. And only we know what we will or will not tolerate in love. But I have to say, nothing is worse than calling it off with one person because they did not do one thing… for the man or woman who did. Because more often than not, you are going to find 10 things that he or she is not doing to make you happy… compared to the 1 or 2 things the last may have unknowingly not been doing to satisfy your needs.
I look at it this way… those minor things may be major. They may even be deal breakers for you or I. But it is first wise to really look at the situation, the unfulfillment, and the consequence before deciding to move on because of it because perhaps they (the negatives – in our eyes) are so minor that the other person can change them. And perhaps they are being done (or not being done to be more accurate) unknowingly. But once you move on… that is usually it. So just make sure (men and women) that you are moving on for legitimate reasons and not minor ones. Because calling a man out or becoming upset at him for simply not texting you at times… or not telling you about every single part of his day everyday… is usually not good cause for expelling him from your life. The next guy probably will do what he did not, but again, more often than not, it will cease once he knows he has you.
·No one is perfect – not one of us – so learn the difference between what is major and what is minor in love. (I am one whom believes you can find the man or woman who is perfect in your own eyes however)
·Learn the art of communication and speaking up about what is bothering you - without argument or accusation. Because again, the person’s behavior may be unknowingly taking place.
·Again, know the difference between major and minor lacks.
·Never publicly speak negatively of the man or woman whom you loved if the reasons are simplistic - because they just may have been doing their best and not yours – there is a huge difference (and especially do not do so on the Internet where it can be seen, read, or heard by any and all). While tempting to do the aforementioned (and while it may make YOU feel better), it does nothing to truly change anything and makes for a bitter and petty person (if however, a man or woman is responsible for more offensive behavior such as cheating, physical, emotional or verbal abuse, etc., then I cannot say you are out of line to speak up about such actions – but I would strongly advise you do it behind closed doors and limit it to those whom really care – not everyone that you know).
·Never (ever) stop believing in fairytales because fairytale romances can, and do exist.
I am out.
"If you don't send us cute 'lil text messages that we read over and over and over again, someone else will."
This is sort of a perfect example of a man not doing so not because he does not care... but sometimes because of simple uncertainty.
I know before, I would never hesitate to send texts, messages (etc.) throughout the day when I was thinking of "her." But now? Now I am hesitant in certain instances because with someone new... I wonder if it is too much (it usually is not as I am no bugaboo and have always known that line instinctively, but still).
You have to remember that some women will run away *cough* My Good Karma Post *cough* from a man doing such things, while others will run away from a man NOT doing such things.
Food for thought.
1) We have already established that i am a bi-polar blogger
2) i don't think i've spoke negatively about anyone on this blog ever. at least not that i can remember. but if i state "u hurt me" that is a fact, i was hurt.
the only things FACT in this specific post are the good things i referenced. but both good and bad things aren't one specific person. a collection of typical things assholes do and don't do.
there's a quote "just because someone doesnt love u the way you want them to, it doesn't mean they don't love u with everything they have". in that same sense, i agree, just because someone doesn't text u 98 times a day it def doesn't mean they don't care about u. but when something is wrong U KNOW. U CAN FEEL IT. this post is bigger than "text messages" u have to pick and choose ur battles. and a text message is hardly worth fighting for lol.
3) i believe in fairy tales. i'm writing my own right now. i blogged about it a few days ago ;)
To be clear, none of what I wrote was about you or anything you have done Abi. They were simply my thoughts on the subject.
No hidden digs (at all).
I really love your blog. Please don't ever stop writing!
sheryl long as u keep reading, i'll keep writing :)
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