Monday, December 7, 2009

Soldier of Love

Growing up I've always been told to fight for what u believe in. Whether it be equal rights, dreams, world peace, happiness, or ur right to parrrrrrr-tay. Perhaps out of all fights worth fighting for, we are told that the most beautiful struggle of them all is the one for love. But I believe the fight for ur heart is an entirely different war. One where everyone gets hurt, and the minor cuts and scrapes feel just as critical as a knife through the heart. And no sword and shield, or camouflauge and M16 can prepare u for this type of battle.

It's not the strapping up or patriotic speeches that send me into disarray. Nor is it dodging bullets that I fear. It's the knowing when to fight and when to surrender part that makes me weary. Because really, how the fuck do u know?

Hate to say it, but I can be extremely nosy at times. I probably know more things than I should. About people I don't even know. While I'm not particularly chissmossa about this shit, it's still a bad habit I need to get rid of. One thing I've noticed though is the followwing unfortunate pattern amongst females (strangers, acquaintances, and friends alike):

1) Boyfriend cheats on girlfriend.
2) Girlfriend publicly cusses out the "other" woman as well as her man.
3) Girlfriend ends up staying with her man.
4) Lather rinse, and repeat about 3-5 more times.
5) Finally, the boyfriend gets tired of fuckin with chicken heads and eventually wifes up his main.

And if it's not cheating it's something else. While I am relieved these men finally came around and give credit to these females for standing by their man, I can't help but ask myself, "Why did he have to fuck up 5 times when he should've acted right from the jump?" "Why be proud of being his main, when u should be his only?"

"When is enough, enough?"

There's a fine line between being a ride or die chick, and just being a dumb ass who allows herself to continuously get disrespected. Because growing up, I was also told to be the bigger person and walk away from a fight, especially one not worth it. But when are u "bowing out gracefully," as opposed to simply "giving up." How do we determine whether or not the fight is worth it? When do we know to hold on and when to let go?

Some say it's when u become indifferent. Some say u just know. Me? I have no idea. Shit. I fight with myself almost every day.

But I will say this. The next time ur at war, take a good look around and pay close attention. If ur all alone on that battlefield. If nobody's standing frontline with u. If u seem to have lost sight of what it is ur even fighting for to begin with, it's probably time to retreat ... or at the very least think of a new strategy plan. 'Cuz when it's real, u shouldn't have to fight so hard.

I was aware of Sade's new album but hadn't heard the Soldier of Love single 'till about 5 minutes ago and it's officially on repeat for the rest of the day. The blog totally wasn't inspired from it (I was actually debating on Soldier of Love or Gangster for Love but went with the war theme) but I'll take it. Sade's tax evading ass needs to come back to the Bay for a concert.


DJ CMC said...

is this kinda like..."you'll know whens the right time to fight..."

i struggle with this myself. but personally i let my emotions get the best of me. so its always so hard to not to fight. some say im a dreamer, but im not the only one. i believe in my dreams, my love, my thoughts soo deeply that it gets me in to that trouble of a fight where i am all alone.

Se7en said...

(Sade the inspiration?)

Great post Abi.

I am about to head out but I have more to say...

Chase said...

I read this blog faithfully but this is my first comment. I just wanted to say.... That you have a very strange way of writing what is going on in my life. Lol every time I have some sort of issue, within the next few days, you've written something regarding that issue. Get outta my head lol! But seriously, thank you.

Se7en said...

Tax evading?!?!

Sade is one of my favorite bands. I have every Sade album. Opened the inbox Friday and thank you Sony!

Mouf.Peace said...

cmc - i wouldn't have u any other way! even though i wanna shake ur ass sometimes.

chase - i have people in my head too. they all talk too loud and at the same time that's why i have this blog lol. thanks for commenting!

7 - unless i'm mistaken, she fled to cuba? no. i forget. wherever she went to, because of tax evasion. correct me if i'm wrong though.

Se7en said...

I can find nothing on it Abi (I Googled it).


I do [slightly] recall that rumor going around so I know that there may be some truth to it?

(I do not know... I have barely slept today and my mind is more jumbled than it already is)

And Chase... agreed. I swear she has a gift like JLH on Ghost Whisperer or something lol. I am serious though.

That is why I always tell you that you WILL be famous Miss Gem.

(Dude, why did I get hit up for a Lil' Wayne project... when does he go to jail? Not sure how we are going to pull it off - unless they rush things)

And yes... I still have to comment on this.

This post is blessed with wisdom.

Visions through my retina said...

as me and my friend read this....we are dying as you say "why does a guy have to cheat 5 times??" seriously!!! so as were reading she tells me that this whole story reminds her of a song by sadeand that i need to hear it ...blah blah...and as we scroll down we see that you posted it already!!! damn this was so on point!! love it