Wednesday, March 16, 2011

I Get Lonely Too

Learn to be alone, without being lonely.

I've said that numerous times in various blogs I've written. I've texted friends the same notion when they were going through "it," included the line in emails, and even thought it outloud to myself.

But what I forgot to say was, it's OK to be lonely.

How else are you supposed to feel when it's as if you're the last single girl on Earth, and you get the couch during weekends with the boys 'cuz their wife and kids get first dibs on the bedrooms? Am I supposed to believe that successful, beautiful, outgoing people are robots with the ability to turn on and off their emotions with a flick of a switch? You may fool them. But you don't fool me, I SEE YOU.

Because we all have wants, and needs. Most of the time, it's not even about the sex. Sometimes it's about driving to someone's house you vowed you'd never see again. Not even realizing what you're doing until you're sitting in your car in their driveway, just so they can wrap their arms around you, and for the night you can at least pretend there's something there or they're someone else.

Loneliness is powerful ain't it?

It makes you do things you normally mind, with people that don't normally matter. Sometimes, it even tricks you into believing that people you normally don't mind, actually matter. Because regardless of how many guys are waiting in line, how many dinner reservations you make, and baseball games you attend, next to nothing parallels the feeling of doing absolutely nothing with that one person you truly care about. And I know you have 1,427 Facebook friends but not just anyone can fill the void that he or she left behind.

Everyone knows you can still feel lonely as hell in a crowded room. So what does one do when they've already mastered the art of learning to be alone but not lonely? They learn to be lonely. And it's OK. 'Cuz guess what? I get lonely too. It happens. But I also get tired of being lonely. So I take off my kawawa pants, put on a pair that make my ass look exquisite, and get the fuck out and go have some fun! Sometimes, I don't even miss anyone in particular. Sometimes I just miss having someone to miss.

I never said it was gonna be easy. Hell, I don't even know if it gets easier. But at least now you know you're not the only one feeling lonely. At least now you know, you are not alone.

**I swear Drake didn't pay me to keep posting songs of his. Sheer coincidence, promise lol.


krisYEE said...

you ain't alone sista! lol

Anonymous said...

this piece literally felt like it was written for me! your words speak to me, girl. i am going through what you just wrote about, and it almost brought tears to my eyes how close this hit home.

i've been a long time reader and i seriously am in love with your words. i admire you, your writing, but most of all your ability to capture what others are feeling and be able to put it into words.

i've been wanting to let you know how much i love your site, and that when you write your book - i'll be first in line to buy and get it autographed.

keep doing what youre doing girl, and keep sharing it with the world. sorry for the novel, but i just wanted to let you know that you're gifted and amazing :)


Mouf.Peace said...

aw my chinita kristina - don't worry, i won't leave u alone in l.a. ... unless there's a thong on the doorknob. u know what that means lol!

anon - u have IMPECCABLE timing. u have no idea what was happening to me at the time i received ur comment :) thank u sooooo much!