Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Mother Earth

"Beer taste like Earth if you beg to differ come see me"~Hayati


OK, fine. So it's made of shit like hops ... yeast ... barley ... wheat ... and all sorts of other "Earthly" ingredients but I swear after the 3rd, 4th, or 7th try it stops tasting like liquid dirt and starts tasting like sheer awesomeness. People who aren't avid beer drinkers are probably thinking, "What in the fuck does sheer awesomeness taste like?"

But beer lovers far and wide know that a nice, frosty, mug of beer and Monday night football (Warriors game for me 'cuz yall know I don't speak football) is an excellent way to wind down after a long day at work. We know that an overpriced beer in a collectible plastic cup is the perfect accompanyment to a sheboygen hot-dog and garlic fries at AT&T Park (goooo Giants!). And we also know that there is sooo much more to life (and so much better quality) than just Corona.

I remember the very time I drank my first beer like it was just yesterday. And I'm talkin an entire bottle, not just a sip, not just a taste. I was at a fashion show at a loft off of the 6th St. exit with my girl Chiara, and not even being 21 yet we HAD to have been the youngest people there. We didn't know anyone, and I felt more than awkward. So what do I do when I feel uncomfortable? EAT OF COURSE. As I was raiding the chips and dip in the kitchen I noticed a sink filled with ice and Heineken. So me and Chi were like, "Hey why not?" Our boyfriends drink it and they seem pretty normal.

First sip: Yah this stuff tastes as digusting as the first time I tried it.
Second sip: Still gross.
Third sip: Can we just go home now so I don't have to keep pretending to enjoy this beer?
Fourth sip: WTF isn't shit supposed to gradually taste better?
Fifth sip: I guess not.

Then before u know it, I was done. Totally lying, I think I drank half the bottle at the most and then grabbed a Coke. So I will say that beer is definitely an acquired taste, but once acquired becomes almost an obsession at barbecues and bowling alleys. No matter who u are, there's a special beer out there for u. Budweiser got the Billy-Bobs covered and u already know O-Dog keeps his Old E still in the brown paper bag. There's also a beer for every occasion. I can't go to Hooters without ordering some Blue Moon, or go to a sushi spot without doing sake bombs into a glass of Saporro. Some of my faves are Guinness, Hefeweizen, 21st Amendments Watermelon Wheat, Stella Artois, and what do ya know - Heineken. However, I love anything u can stick an orange or lemon wedge in, tastes naturally fruity, or looks like chocolate. I don't discriminate!

So now as I sit here recalling that first Heineken story, I'm totally scolding myself for wasting precious "life juice." FOR SHAME! How dare I when beer is a gift from the Gods?! No, seriously. A prayer to the goddess Ninkasi dating back to the 6th millenium BC served as a way for those who weren't literate to remember the recipe for beer.

Um hellooooo, haven't u heard of the saying, "God made dirt and dirt don't hurt?" Well there u go.

And now some of the best contributions to life beer has inspired:

Box office hits:

Olympic athletes:

Fine dining:

Role Models:
The evolution of the human race:


DJ CMC said...

weird, i didnt like beer the first time i had it...but i was drinkin a Mickeys and that tastes like shit!

and i agree with ur choice of beers.

rock on abi!

"its soo good when it hits ur lips!"

antidotal thoughts said...

Life JUICE is all that is GREAT, liquid embodiment that leads me to a state of drunken robotEUPHORIA.

Unknown said...

like i said. COME SEE ME, FOOL.

Mouf.Peace said...

@rach bitch i'll come see u sunday with a beer in hand so i can get my oversized sweater

@si - at first i was like who the fuck is anthony? lol.

mdauz said...

just started following your blog at the right time. beer is definitely an acquired taste but once you're hook you notice all the varieties alcoholics have to offer us. great post. there are a shitload of microbrews in SF too!