Monday, November 9, 2009

His and Her Friends

Break-ups are always hard.

No matter what time of day, the location, if ur on the receiving end or not, or the reason. They just suck. Period point blank.

But sometimes, they're especially hard.

Like when u've built friendships from them so genuine that u'd go to the game with his boys even though he can't make it, and ur girls hit him up directly with birthday celebration invites instead of using u as a middleman. Or when u've gotten so close to their parents u become the newest addition on their X-Mas shopping list and u still call them every mothers day and fathers day.

Because not only are u breaking up with them - but ur also breaking up with their friends, their parents, their relatives, their co-workers, their favorite hang out spots, their annual ski trips, and in some cases even their pets too. So in addition to having to go through that heart wrenching break-up speech with the Mr. or Mrs., u have to give the apologetic explanation to the parentals. The embarassing shrugs to the relatives when u bump into them at Safeway and they ask where "so and so" is. And the uneasy hugs and "walkin on eggshells" small talk conversations when u see their friends at the club as well.

It's hard. U think to urself, "They're my friends too!" but the reality of it is ... they were his/hers first. And I know that sounds mad petty, but sometimes u just gotta let them have that. If they're really ur friend, they'll remain ur friend. Just don't be naive - never forget where their loyalty lies. Never use the friendship as an excuse to keep ties with ur ex. And don't go thinking it'll be a smooth ride either. 'Cuz depending on the intensity of the breakup, more than likely u'll have to go cold turkey. As much as u love ur ex's friends and fam it makes the healing proccess that much harder and that much more painful to keep 'em in the picture.

So just think of it a reminder as to why u can't lose urself in ur relationships, no matter how much u love the other person, or how long yall have been together. Of why u always have to have that one thing, or shit - those 7 things in ur life that no one in the whole wide world can take away from u. And of why u can't forget your friends who were there for u before, during, and after every relationship gone bad.

While it may hurt to have to cut people out like that, it's what's necessary sometimes. And if they're really, really ur friends they'll totally understand. After a while, things will get better and u can slowly allow these people back into ur life. Whether it be an instant message here and there or as simple as a RT on Twitter . And if they're really, really, really ur friend - yall should be able to pick up right where u left off.


Se7en said...

Thank you Abi.

Crissy said...

honestly, i just loveee your blog. you're so wise and you seeem to know the answers to all my questions. thanks.

Joanne said...

this was amazing. thanks so much.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for this. Please don't ever stop blogging. Your journal is amazing, everyone should be reading it.

Angie said...

Wow, I read your blog for the first time and I'm effing in love. Love your sense of humor and attitude about life! You also seem to ooze with an edgy intellect. Plus you're hot! My kinda girl haha. Definitely bookmarking for my daily-must-reads!

Mouf.Peace said...

ur very, very, VERY welcome everyone. thanks for taking the time out to read :)