Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Good Lookin Out

There's been a few times in the past where I've seen a pic of an old outfit I wore and gasped in horror realizing that I would've definitely talked shit about myself if I had seen me. But let's face it, fashion faux-paux are a part of life. From over-sized cross colors with condoms safey-pinned to them, to Uggs with denim mini-skirts, to sox with Birkenstocks, to "man purses," to wearing goggles and Cybertek jackets in the middle of the summer, to Ed (will u just fucking go away already??!!) Hardy, we've all committed fashion crimes. But even then we can just laugh about it 'cuz more than likely it was the shit at the time and we probably really thought it was cute. Well, except for the Ed Hardy of course.

However, one thing that will never look good on someone no matter how steezy the chick is or how much swag the dude got is INSECURITY.

Just like the right amount of confidence can have women throwing their panties at the "ok" looking dude at the bar, the wrong amount of insecurity can make a Brad Pitt look down right ugly. And even if u have long, shiny hair, glowing skin, curves for days, and are 5'9", if ur insecure no matter what type of front u put up, deep down inside u'll still feel ugly.

I never had insecurity issues ... until the day I got my heart broken. After that, whenever a relationship turned sour I automatically assumed it was my fault. Because I wasn't smart enough. I wasn't pretty enough. I didn't give head enough. I wasn't talented enough. I wasn't rich enough. I wasn't athletic enough. I wasn't good enough. I JUST WASN'T ENOUGH.

However, I never saw just how ugly insecurity was until I was on the other end of it. What it comes down to is trust. I don't tolerate insecurity and all the false accusations and ludacris assumptions that come with it because I want to wear the pants in the relationship and have the freedom to wild the fuck out. I don't tolerate it because I deserve TRUST. Without trust, well u don't have much.

Insecurity might as well double as shrooms, because I swear it makes u start hallucinatin. It'll have u swearin u just saw ur man sittin shotty on the freeway with some breezy driving and just when u get home to yalls spot ready to burn all his clothes in the tub u find him snoring on the couch with drool on his pillow. It'll have u blowin up ur girls cell phone 37 times in 10 mins because she didn't answer ur phone this ONE time. And of alllll the possible reasons why i.e. she's sleeping, she doesn't have reception, she's driving and doesn't want to die, she didn't hear her phone, her battery died - of course she didn't answer because she's secretly fucking ur best friend. Afterall, that's y she passed the bread to him first at dinner last night right?

Might sound crazy, but it's unfortunately not too far-fetched for some. You see, it's one thing to get cheated on or have an actual valid reason to be checkin ur girls call log or lookin thru ur mans pockets when he gets home after the club. But one of the worse things u can do to ruin a perfectly good thing is let ur insecurity fuck up what could've been a beautiful relationship, especially when the problem lies within urself and not ur partner. And y on Earth would u get in the way of ur own happiness? That's never a good look and more unflattering than anything Christian Audigier's ever made. Well, except for this.


Anonymous said...

I swear, you're living in my head.
You made a little room and you're living there.
Because this is exactly what I had gone through with my boyfriend...
Dare I say, ex... ;x

Mouf.Peace said...

lmao! i hope my room has a fridge. a BIG one.

Anonymous said...

reblogging you because.. well.. u know.

Anonymous said...

you living in my head as well. i cant stand insecure people and i couldn't have worded it better myself. reblogging as well. thank you

justeezy said...

"Insecurity might as well double as shrooms, because I swear it makes u start hallucinatin."

Love this entry. Ironically this was a convo a girlfriend and I had last night (Insecurity, not shrooms).. I always take extreme comfort in the fact that women all over the globe experience the same emotions and feelings at one point in their lives or another.. Just knowing this and admitting that you have insecurities already removes them in a way.


rearnakedhump said...

very well said but you know it can come from the other side as well. : )

gailey said...

love this. love your writing.