Friday, September 4, 2009

If it Ain't Broken, Don't Fix it?

Dear Abi,

I've been with someone for almost two years, but I will be going to college soon and am curious to see what else is out there. The thing is though, I cannot picture life without him. He's smart, funny, thoughtful, considerate, and know without a doubt this is someone that will never do me wrong or betray me.

A part of me loves the idea of being alone again & just doing my own thing, making my own accomplishments. But I'm anxious to see where he will fit in my life, he's become one of my bestfriends as well. I know people change & sometimes they're just not good together but if it's someone that you KNOW will treat you like no other & still loves you & will support you in everything you do, shall I stick with it? Because even though I've been meeting some pretty fine ass guys lately & my hormones are raging, when all's said & done its him that I end up thinking about.

Signed,
Curious in College

Dear Curious in College,

Who are u? Who do u work for? And y are u digging through MY life files? I'm kid, I kid but again this is something that hits very close to home 'cuz I used to be that girl. Sounds like u've got a stand up guy on ur hands, which I agree is something very hard to find nowadays BUT if ur questioning the relationship, even if just a little bit, more than likely there's something not necessarily "wrong," but maybe missing. Otherwise, there would be no questions, no second guesses, no nothing. Depending on how long u've already been feeling this way, I would wait a little as to avoid making any snap or irrational decisions. If the issue is minuscule and simple, u should be able to address it with ur man and hopefully resolve it, avoiding a break-up alltogether.

If there's more to it ... well, I don't want to tell u to break up with him, because I don't know ur relationship. And in this situation it's definitely ur call, but I will say it's better to do that than stay in the relationship if ur unhappy. It's unfair to the both of u. And if ur hormones are raging with other guys, the last thing u want to do is cheat on ur bf. I will also say that there is no such thing as a "break," in my book, u break-up simple as that. Being on a "break," only complicates things and gives u an excuse to fuck around but still keep tabs on ur gf/bf. So just remember that while ur out exploring the world and possibly other people - he may do the same. It will suck, but u will have to accept that. Ultimately (get ready cliche time!), what's meant to be will be. When I broke up with an ex for the same reason, I hated myself. Back then I thought it was the biggest mistake of my life! I kept regurgitating that phrase, "If it ain't broken, don't fix it." But now that I look back, I knew it was not only imperative but inevitable. Because the only other resolution was to stay and not be 100% into the relationship.

Whatever u decide to do, do it for urself and ur happiness. As long as that's the basis for ur decison, u really can't go wrong no matter what the outcome. Good luck mama!

1 comment:

Edla said...

Oh.My.God. this is my life like, on repeat. But one thing my mum told me was the main reason that the older generation - like our grandparents - didn't get divorced as much was because they expected less from love and it was about a functional partnership. i feel like our generation is too focussed on the fireworks and so miss out on having steady, healthy, long term relationships. if this guy is all the things you say he is, then stick with him. simple as that. and if you cheat, he doesn't deserve you! trust me i've been there :( xo