Friday, February 25, 2011


Yesterday I started three different blogs, one of which I hoped to finish and publish today. But by the end of my workday the rain started kicking in, and so did the melancholy. Thus, this post was conceived. One thing I learned so far this year is, no matter how much planning you do, no matter how much of a life-agenda-highlighting nazi you are - there's still a huge possibility that shit won't go down accordingly.

And for someone like me who does event coordinating and loves to plan, not having control over something is equivalent to the sky falling. A few weeks ago I had made some life-altering plans. I got excited over them, and cried happy tears over the endless possibilities that awaited me ... only to have it all come to a standstill.

So now I sit here. Restless, depressed, and resentful as fuck. Because these long over due plans that I had meticulously made and even consulted with the people I care about with, went to shambles. You know how that feels? It feels like I failed. You know what it really means though? I simply have to tweak my original plan, or make a completely new one. For me and this dream of mine, GIVING UP IS NOT AN OPTION. Where there's a will, there's a way. Even if today may seem worse than yesterday.

That's the thing about hitting rock bottom, there's nowhere else to go but UP. Trust me, I know. I've cried on bathroom floors before trying to dig myself a deeper hole only to find out they lead nowhere. So while yall are doing the damn thang this weekend - I will be doing the same ... all while thinking of more plans. "Because it's never too late to be the person you want to be," and I plan on being just that, only better. See you at the top :)

"Now tell me how you love it. You know you at the top when only heavens right above it. (Say it with me now) WE ONNNN ..."


Unknown said...

your posts...are seriously getting me through a tough, fucked up time of my life right now. i'm taking it day by day and reading post by post.

keep 'em coming =)

your writing lifts my spirits

Mouf.Peace said...

hey mama! comments like urs help ME get through fucked up times in my life so THANK YOU as well. hope u feel better, hope to run into u again soon :)

Anonymous said...

Hi. Im only 15 so you might think i cant relate to a lot of your posts but you have no idea how much your blog has helped me. Ive never had an adult i can trust or look up to, and ive never met you but i can honestly say i look up to you. Cuz reading your blog posts over the last year have given me so much strength and motivation that it's unbelievable. So i guess im just writing this to say THANK YOU. And i hope god blesses you with the most amazing things in life cuz your words have had the power to help me though my lowest times.

Mouf.Peace said...

@anon - THANK YOU! as much as my post are helping u, ur comments are helping me. i wish u nothing but the best as well!