It was actually when I got back to my girls house, and she uploaded this picture. I saw it and thought to myself, "So that's what happy looks like." Then, I wondered why the fuck I spent so much of my life rejecting it. For shame.
So then I tried something.
I began to think of my stagnant job, my looming bank account, my uncertain future, and the last guy I really liked who just wasn't into me because he was still into his ex. And just like that, I went from touching the sky to digging myself a hole in the ground. How was that even possible when I had just stepped on the pitchers mound of my favorite team in my favorite stadium in my favorite city?
It was possible because I made it possible. Because I told myself that I'd be an admin assistant forever, that I wouldn't be able to afford a new place, that I'd never be able to write a book, and that I was meant to be alone for the rest of my life. Actions speak louder than words, but words are still VERY powerful.
Now I fucking hate self-help book, spiritual mumbo-jumbo but life really is what you make it. And I know first hand just how hard it can be to think positive when surrounded by negativity. How hard it is to overcome adversity when it seems like the odds are against you. And how easy it is to fall back into the same, old unhealthy routine because you're comfortable with it. Nothing worth having comes easy.
But if you were in a race, tired as hell, but knew the finish line was only five feet away, wouldn't you take those extra steps? Something beautiful lies ahead of you but your hands are full. Why wouldn't you let go of an ugly past so that you can grab it? It's not enough to search for something your whole life and find it. You have to know what to do with it once you have it. The only person standing in the way of you being happy is YOU.
If you can tell yourself something won't work, there's no reason you can't tell yourself it will. It may be difficult, but difficult is not impossible. And it'll only be difficult if you make it.
THINK happy. DO happy. BE HAPPY.
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