Monday, February 14, 2011

Dear Diary 2/9/2011

I find myself writing all the time nowadays. No, I mean ALL THE TIME. I'm writing this right now from my retarded iPhone screen wincing everytime I fuck up and have to go back and correct a word which is every other sentence. I lie, more like every other word.

My brain is on a hundred, thousand, trillion. Sometimes I feel as if these thoughts are too mcuh for my tiny self. Shit, I'm only 5 feet tall. If you could picture it, words are spilling out my ears. I think I sneezed potential book titles onto my napkin earlier.

It's 8:57 and I start work in 3 minutes and I'm not even at the tunnel yet. The worst part is I don't even care! I'm at work now, transcribing everything from my phone onto here. Pretty sure I should be working instead. I can tell it's time. It's different than before. I've never been excited for this long. Usually the momentum wears off in a day or two. Not this time though, my adrenaline has been waking me up at 5am.

Ness just text me. I love her. I don't tell her very often. I might not have ever told her at all. But I do. And I'm lucky she hasn't told me to STFU yet. Everytime I THINK I'm going to start something she's there with encouraging words that get lost in me being comfortable and scared. This has been going on since the days of me wanting to be in the fashion industry - yes, THAT long ago. I'm surprised she hasn't given up on me yet or at the very least rolled her eyes at another mentioned endeavor of mine.

I finally downloaded some songs onto my iPhone. Finally. I've been using Pandora which is why I've already used 65% of my data plan. The only reason I did was so I can play Ambitious Girl on repeat. I remember blogging that song sometime last year. I thought it was cute and inspirational. The lyrics were witty. Aaaand, that's about it.

Then I heard it again and apparently at the right exact moment of my life 'cuz it had a whole new meaning to it. It made me cry of course. I'm a cry baby don't you know? Commercials make me cry. At least I'm not crying right now while listening to it on a crowded train full of sick people and a field trip of 4th graders. God, I love kids.

I don't know what's going on. And I don't know what took so long. But I'm glad it's happening. And I'm going to make sure it never goes away.


Unknown said...

heeheehee...ditto. lol

ralphie said...

I have ambitious girl on repeat, and we may not know each other but I can totally see the ambition in you. Its spilling on my desk top but its o.k. cuz its real ambition. The kind you see and feel with eyes closed, and I don't even know you :) do. Not. Let. This. Feeling. Wear. Off. Pretty please? Thanks.

"Ambitious girl, you just wanna win..."

Go on wit your bad self, girrrllll :)