Heart of the City

Ladylike x Adapt

U already know ...

In hot PURSUIT.

Twice in 1 year. It's a record. We promised each other we're gonna be famous ;oP

Easy, Breezy, son!

Of course.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, if that's the case this pic won't STFU!

And now I just wanted to say that, I seriously need to wear more makeup when I go out. 'Cuz I swear I put on hella before I leave the house, and then I see pictures like these and it looks like I just got out the damn gym, sweaty hair and everythang!

The Best Friday Nights ...

... are the ones when you're drunk but not faded and you wake up Saturday morning - early, with no hangover, can actually remember all the funny things u saw and heard the night before, and drive home to this :) Gym in a few, have a good weekend everybody!

Ocho Cinco is Numero Uno

Click here to read an article tender enough to make a grown man cry.

The Last Resort

aka Lost and Found pt. 2

Now, I've held off from advocating this method of "healing," because I would never encourage acting out of fear or anger. But so many of u have asked, and when ur mind has moved on but ur heart refuses to let go - we go to war with ourselves. And I'd hate to see any of u go through that. I would never wish that upon anyone, nobody deserves it. We'd like to be patient, and we'd love to look for the greater good in people. But when shit hits the fan and ur sanity has already been compromised, we do what we gotta do.

So what do I suggest yall do?

U become The Great Pretender and LIE. Lie ur broken and bruised little heart out.

Tell urself that yes it was that serious to get other people involved just so u can give in and s/he can get the simple satisfaction of knowing s/he still got u. That it was all games - nothing more, nothing less.

Tell urself, yes u should've walked away and never looked back.

U tell urself that there is a difference between being scared and being a coward - and honey, s/he is NOT scared.

Pretend that that tiny glimpse of hope was just a reflection of that shattered image of the past. A past that (u guessed it) no longer exists.

Pretend that she doesn't care. That ur just another dude. Just another convenience. Just another number on her call log.

Believe all the rumors, negativity, and assumptions. Believe the crazy. Believe the haters. Believe ur girls that want to cut his balls off or ur boys that wanna back hand that bitch in the face. Believe them when they say he's fucking her, and her, and her, and YOU.

Tell urself that u will move on. That this isn't love. That there is someone out there for each of us and it ain't that person ur dealing with right now. That sooner than u think it will be as if s/he never existed. That u deserve to be happy and loved, therefore, u will be happy and loved. That per my girl Tee, relationships don't work out for 1 of 2 reasons: they're not the right one, or it's just the wrong time. Now only remember the first part. That per my girl Rach: "there are 2 types of people in the world. there are the ones who just don’t know any better. and then there are the ones who do, but do the fucked up thing anyway," and s/he is the latter.

Tell urself that the man who gave u the best Christmas, and only Valentine's Day just killed Santa and shot Cupid. Tell urself that not only is the man he used to be lost, but he is gone forever and never coming back.

Remind urself that "the only people u need in ur life are the ones who need u in theirs." Now tell urself s/he doesn't need u in theirs.

Tell urself: "Hang out with the wrong crowd, wrong path. Love the wrong person, wrong path. Surround yourself with successfull people, and you too will succeed. "

And lastly, u front like they don't love u. And while ur at it, tell urself that they never did.

Because u know what? U don't really need to "pretend." More than likely, all of the above is true.

First for Everything

There are a lot of important "firsts." First time u fell in love, first time u got into a fight, first time u got wasted, first time u smoked weed, etc. etc. the list goes on. But perhaps the most memorable (or least memorable for some lol) is the first time u had s-e-x.

When I think about my first time, I can't help but consider myself very lucky.

I was 17 at the time (or 16?), and honestly I'm surprised I lasted that long. In middle school I had dated experienced dudes way older than me. I was sneaking outta the house to go to theirs and coming back before the sun came up (parents I hope this teaches u to lock ur daughters in their room at nite lol). And high school half-days meant spin the bottle and 7 minutes in heaven sessions. Needless to say, I had put myself in many situations where having sex seemed inetivable but never happened. Shit, lemme pat myself on the back right quick.

It wasn't until I had reunited with an old friend from middle school (who we shall call "Jay") that I considered taking the plunge. I have no idea what it was about him either. I had been with dudes waaay cuter, but for some reason I was just really attracted to this guy with dreadlocks, tattoos, and multiple piercings that wore only Earth tones, and smelled like nag champa. He was sooo not my typical East Coast Tims wearing or Bay Area blunt rolling, SF beanie sportin type. But. BUT. He was so smooth on that spiritual Dead Prez "Mind Sex" tip and he had the most amazing, cut, arms that Jedi-mind slid my panties off everytime I'd sleep over. Suckerrrrr. GO FUCKING FIGURE.

Anyway, the night I lost my virginity to him I had gotten dropped off by some friends to his house after watching Toy Story on Ice (i think) Not even 5 minutes there, his pager starts blowing up and he says, "I'll be right back." After at least half an hour later, he comes back and I find out his ex-girlfriend was outside and they were arguing over some other booshit. Of course I was like "WTF?" but obviously it didn't bother me too much 'cuz we still had sex that night. And when I mean sex, I mean it in the most insignificant, technical way. Sometimes, I even count our encounter as a 1/2 on my list of "How many people have u slept with?" 'Cuz on the real (do people even say that still?) he stuck it in once, pulled it out, and then I made him stop.

I'm an asshole huh? LOL. The only reason I even count it, was 'cuz he had let me know later on that I bled on his sheets. It didn't hurt, it was just uncomfortable. And the only reason I stopped wasn't because he was probably still banging his ex-girlfriend. I stopped because I felt guilty. Guilty that I was losing my virginity to this dude, who wasn't even my man, who I didn't even remotely love. But this is why I feel extremely lucky.

Because in my opinion, I feel that had I lost my virginity to someone I thought I loved, it would've been that much harder for me when we broke up. And I most likely would've been tramautized for a while. I'm not telling u guys that losing ur virginity is overrated and to lose it to someone u don't care about to protect ur heart ... I'm just sayin. It worked out for me, because the next guy I was with ended up being my first love, and the sex we had definitely didn't count as no "1/2".

So unfortunately I don't have this amazing story about the first time I lost my virginity. 'Cuz really, the best way I can describe it is with this annecdote: "If I were a house, he broke into me. But nothing was stolen." Not my heart, nor my peace of mind. It's one of the very few things I regret in life.

Although now that I think about it? Damn, I should've let him finish lol.

So come on, now it's your turn. Share your first time if u dare. U can comment on here anonymously with a fake email address, or if ur that shy leave it on my Formspring!

I Got it MADE

About a month ago I wrote my goals on a piece of paper and read them every morning when I woke up and every night before I went to bed. #1 on my list was, "Make a comfortable living doing what I love," and whether or not it was a coincidence, 2 days later I got an email from the First Lady of MADE Jewelry extending a paid writing gig! I thought to myself, "Wow I can really do this." I was ecstatic. Here is a teaser of some of the product descriptions I wrote for the ladies. The rest will be up on their online store which launches in March. In the mean time make sure to check them out at MadeJewelry.com.

Talk Shit, Get Hit!

This morning I was walking from the subway to work and noticed this chick along the way. Not my type, but attractive nevertheless. What stuck out the most though, was her hair. It looked like she was going to prom. And I couldn't help but notice how rainy and windy it was and think: "I bet this bitch thought she was real cute when she left her house this morning with her hair all did ... with no fucking umbrella and Typhoon Ketsana outside."

And then I checked myself.

Like omg "Abi, why the fuck do u even care?" The thing is: I DON'T. But to see something annoying or entertaining and immediately respond to it with disapproval is like second nature to me lol. Don't get it twisted, I give credit where it's due as well. But sadly, it's just so much more fun to talk shit sometimes! For shame!

Regardless of the fact that I talk "petty" shit, usually about complete strangers - it's still talking shit and ultimately bad vibes. So in an attempt to cut down (notice how I didn't say stop cold turkey? lmao) I've decided to acknowledge all the things that pisses me off in the most insignificant way, pour some liquor for their memory, and then dead that shit.

So for now ...

If u wear a full set of makeup, booty shorts, and a baby-tee tied into a half shirt to the gym? If u wear flip-flops in the pouring rain when the 10 day forecast called for thunderstorms all week and don't live in Hawaii? If ur a size 10 and insist on borrowing my clothes? If ur my size and insist on borrowing my clothes before coppin ur own? If ur kankles or thankles or back boobs are waving to me? If u use 3 syllable words when a "simple" word would be more appropriate? If ur overrated? If ur an attention whore? If u dress like ur going to the club to a basketball game just so u can get into the "afterparty?" If ur toes look like they're tryna escape from ur shoes and ur toenails are causing sparks on the cement? If u have the entire MAC counter on ur face but haven't heard of a blending brush? If ur wearing Ed Hardy or Affliction? Consider today ur lucky day!

I'm sure I'll continue to talk shit when it's appropriate (like u catch ur man in bed with ur sister, which actually calls for a beat down) but today I vow to not sweat the petty things ... or at least not say it outloud ... or at least not as frequent lol (sorry it's just too hilarious NOT to share sometimes).

I Cannot Say This Enough

"The only people you need in your life,
are the ones who need you in theirs"

GAME OVER

Before I found out about boys (which was my freshman year of h.s. lol) I was into sports. Basketball team in the 6th grade, and softball team 7th and 8th. And I was good at these games. But, oddly enough I never liked to play. Why? 'cuz my heart just wasn't in it.

I'm an adult now, and I can still say the same. Games? I'm good at them. But I just don't have the heart to play. Or maybe, I have TOO much of a heart to play. And I never, ever cheat.

5 years ago, I would've played. And I probably would've won. But now I've come to realize that it's not about seeing who can make the other person wait the longest. It's not about who gives in first. It's not about who can inflict more pain. It's not about making them crawl, or beg, or cry. It's about knowing what you want. And most of all knowing when to let go.

You can only make excuses for another person and give them the benefit of the doubt for so long before they start to take advantage of your love. But remember, they can only take advantage of your love for as long as u let them. Until u realize it ain't worth it anymore. Until ur so over all the bullshit that even though ur heart is still 175% in it, u just can't take it anymore and ur mind forces urself to move the fuck on. Even if ur kicking and screaming to stay.

'Cuz every second wasted playing games is a second u could've spent being happy together, or giving someone else a chance. Sure, games are fun. But u can't always win. Just ask the dude who insists he's 25 at the clubs but is really 30 and lonely wishing he had someone to come home to. Or even better, ask ur friend who's been in an unhappy relationship for over a year.

THIS IS REAL LIFE. This ain't no fuckin Super Mario Brothers, Call of Duty, Madden shit. All the characters are real. The hearts u stab actually hurt. There are no special codes to get extra lives. And that princess waiting for u in the clock tower will eventually realize she's a Queen and get the fuck outta there herself. Once the credits roll and the game is over - IT'S GAME OVER.

5 Reasons to do Yoga

Last night, me and some of the girls attended a Bikram Yoga class in Burlingame. I was unaware until 3 hours prior that when they say "sweaty yoga," they really mean SWEATY fucking YOGA.

I was under the impression that u get sweaty 'cuz u get a good workout. But no no no little girl, it's cuz ur bending and twisting in a class room of 30+ other people in 104º heat. I can't even last 5 minutes in a sauna. I was so sure I'd pass out or give up, so sure that I laid right next to Q in front of the exit door lol.

Buuut, not only did I stay the entire hour and a half (do u know how hard it is to do an hour and a half of ANYTHING non-stop?) but we all stayed! Aaand I did every single pose! Yaaaaah buddy. Needless to say, I'm very proud of myself. I feel great and if I lived closer to Being Yoga, I'd be there every week. I'm not turning into a "yogi" or anything, but if ur interested in improving ur lifestyle body and soul, I would definitely suggest trying yoga for the following reasons:

1. It's an excellent but healthy way to push ur body. When u spend that much time stretching and testing out muscles u never knew existed, u get to know urself pretty well.
2. Bragging rights! Bikram yoga isn't all peace, serenity, and granola. That shit is INTENSE. I would be sexist and make fun of the dudes in the class for being seemingly "gay" if they weren't all better than me.
3. You sweat it the fuck out and is a guaranteed way to shed some weight, albeit it just a few pounds of water weight. Seriously, I left that place looking as if I participated in a wet t-shirt contest (nts: do not wear a white bra under a white tank for ur next session). I have never sweat so much in my entire life.
4. Yoga cleanses ur body, physically and mentally. After the initial "ew, sweat just got in my eye and stings/ew, sweat just got in my mouth and its salty" u feel AMAZING. My skin feels great, and my body feels toxin free. And without sounding like a total hippie, the breathing exercises and minutes of silence and meditation freed my mind momentarily of unecessary stress.
5. A BETTER SEX LIFE. Um helloooo. Ur posing in weird ass positions for a minute at a time in sweaty conditions, building your stamina, agility, and flexibility. Good God my next boyfriend is gonna GIT IT.
   

Say What?! - Feelin My(old)self Edition

• "The only people you need in your life,
  are the ones who need you in theirs"
• Not the hardest of Nicki's songs but catchier than a bitch, and I'm feelin that Annie Lennox sample. It's a cute little radio friendly song. U can even call it bubble-gum, I'm sure she won't mind. Afterall she IS a Barbie bitch. I kinda love her lol.
  

  "Shawty I'm a only tell u this once, u the illest, And for ur lovin I'm a Die Hard like Bruce Reallist ..."
  

  
  
  

  I also suggest peepin the Rihanna reference track "Saxon," it's sexy, steezy, and hard all at the same time.

• Thanks Lawn for my Melody Ehsani Pow ring that I've been wanting foreverrr. It's a 'lil big but don't think for one second I'm too booghie to wrap some tape around that bitch and MAKE IT FIT. (p.s. it looks like I have a boy cut in this pic. Gah it's high school all over again).
  
  

  



• And this is for Anna down in SoCal. Yes, my nails "grow like fake," no cute-o-geyel necessary lol.

  

  Mani-pedi's are so frivolous, but for a girl like me, they work wonders. I didn't get my shit done for like a month and everyone surprisingly noticed. So as soon as they were long enough I drove over to Cindy's on Mission and let 'em hook me up. And when I was done, I couldn't help but look down at 'em and think to myself, "Oh ... there u are Hot.Sauce" lmao.

• Work hard. Play harder. Las Vegas - it's where the MAGIC happens. See u at the Ava booth!

  

  Had to block out the dates in case I suddenly feel *cough* sick*cough* that week lol.

Lost and Found

We have to remember that while people strive to change for the better, people can and will change for the worse. Nobody is who they seem.

The most beautiful woman in the world can look at herself in the mirror and truly believe she is ugly. And that man who once looked at u like u were his world one day, can just as easily look at u as his bootycall the next.

It gets confusing. And we easily get so blinded by love and clouded by negative thoughts that the bigger picture is never in plain view. But it is imperative for us to differentiate who we are dealing with. It's vital to our sanity, and most of all - our hearts.

So before u let that next tear roll down that cheek of urs, remind urself that u are about to cry for a man who no longer exists - a complete stranger. This man is everything he loathed, everything he talked shit about, and everything he swore he'd never be. Still don't believe me? BELIEVE IT. 'Cuz this man is not worth ur tears, and the man who is? The man he used to be? Well he would never, ever make u cry to begin with.

I'm sure the guy who wore fake eyelashes for u and only u just to make u laugh is still in there somewhere. But let him go find himself, 'cuz it ain't up to u to resurrect the dead. 'And by then u'll have found that amazing woman u swear has disappeared as well.

In the Red Earrings, You're Pretty ...(they're hot pink, but thanks)

A womens best accessories *wink*wink*

White chocolate kisses.

"Oh my God it's Duane Ramos of ComposurE!!!!!!!"

Me, Q, Ferl, and Rach

All I'm missing is Edward.

The Toyose Threesome

Laaaaaadies!

Sing vs. SANG

Went out Saturday night strictly to support these guys right here. With only 1 hour of practice before the event started, ComposurE was able to rip the stage like they ain't neva left it. Can I just say I am sooo proud of my roommate B (in the yellow hat), my boy Digga who I've known since middle school (black hat), my Hayati Rach's husband (baby Samoan with the fro), and their boys Rae and Rob?! And that my dear friends, is the difference between folks who sing - and folks who can SANG.

P.S. Everytime u see Duane sing to someone on his left and a girl scream - that's me lmao.

"Pain is Weakness Leaving the Body"

Both physically and mentally.

Just got my ass handed to me at the gym ... and it never hurt so good!

The good news is: I'm in a lot better shape than I thought. The even better news is: I don't have much fat to burn so I can pretty much eat whatever I want (long as I don't go crazy) and still get toned.

Yall are gonna hate me for this and wonder why I'm even working out, but here is my stomach (which is my main concern) today. I hope in a few months (or weeks even) I'll be able to wash my laundry on it. Remember, I don't want to lose weight - I want to tone up and be stronger.

Again, both physically and mentally.

Can't wait to post results!

Regret Nothing

"Regret nothing," this is a concept that I still haven't fully grasped but would love to conquer. So much, that I even got it tatted as a constant reminder to never regret the things I've said or done because at that moment it's exactly what I believed in.

Consequently, a study shows that most people don't actually regret the things they've done. Most people regret the things they never got to do. Whether it be cliff diving in Waimea Bay or telling someone they love them. One thing I regret not doing, is posting this blog that I wrote back in June of 2009. Till this day I don't know why I let my fear get in the way of me posting it.

I know it's the past. And yes, the past does no longer exist. But after reading the following passage in a book today: "most of the fights, areguments, and disagreements we have with our friends, coworkers, family members, and especially with our significant otehrs come down to one fundamental issue: one or both of us isn't feeling appreciaeted" I thought it would be appropriate. It's not meant to change anything, just to remind u to be thankful, not on someones birthday, not on Thanksgiving, not after a disaster - but everyday. I hope everyone has an awesome weekend and takes some time out to show their grattitude to those they truly appreciate in life.

Puppy Love (the original post)

Yesterday I had probably thee worst headache of my life. And I've had MANY. There was a point in my life where for a while I got migraines almost every day. I was almost positive I had some sort of brain tumor. Fortunately, the occurances subsided. I still get them from time to time but on a more normal basis. But yesterday I seriously wanted to shoot myself in the head to make the pain go away.

It started towards the end of my work day. And worsened as I was waiting for Bart. When I got back to my bf's house, I opened all the windows, put down all the shades, turned off all the lights, and just laid in bed. But I couldn't fall asleep 'cuz there was pressure coming from all sides of my brain that prevented me from finding a comfortable position.

When I called my bf he told me that I didn't have to pick him up at Bart anymore and that he'd just walk home 'cuz he didn't want me driving in so much pain. Before we hung up I started crying. I just wanted him to be next to me already. When he got home he kissed me on my forehead, gave me an Excedrin, and tucked me in bed. Then, he went to the store and came back with some food. He set up towels on the floor next to me in case I couldn't make it to the bathroom to throw up 'cuz I started to feel sick and I couldn't eat. I finally fell asleep, ears full of tears but in the arms of my boyfriend. I woke up the next morning feeling better and thanking God for having him in my life.

Last night he reminded me of why I was still with him despite numerous arguments, misunderstandings, and ultimately a rocky start. He's one of the most thoughtful and unselfish people I have ever met in my life and as much as I complain, I am really, really lucky to be loved by such a caring person. I barely mention him on here, (and this is probably the only time I ever will because I've learned from past mistakes it's better to keep things that u hold dear to u private) but I just wanted to take the time out to let him know how much I truly appreciate him.

Thank u.

Long Hair.Don't Care

I've been wanting to cut and color my hair for the longest since my bangs are finally growing out. Thought about taking it back to '07 (choppy long layers, side swept bangs, short on top so i can tease that bitch and purple underneath) but I thought I'd ask my lovely readers for some ideas as well. I'm even open to a short cut although I'm too chicken to do it right now. Holler!

Oh, Like THAT?

And THIS is the reason u should never judge a book by its cover.

VIP with all of my thugs ... thugs ... lol.

68 and IOU 1

If u consider me as a little or big sister and especially if I'm ur daughter DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER.

Are girls just as horny as guys? Of course. Do we think about sex as much as men? Wouldn't doubt it. Do we want it more? At times I'm sure. Are our conversations about sex just as raunchy?

No. They're worse.

They're graphic, and reveal waaay TMI. But they are always interesting and entertaining. Just last Saturday me and my girl were at a bar surrounded by folks, and although the night was a blur I do specifically remember the following statements being made ... loudly may I add:

"He was big."

"I don't know, he has a long tongue."

"Yes, I love it when they're nasty!"

Doot.Do.Doo.

And that's rated PG by the way. A popular sex topic that always comes up during girl talk is fellatio. Head. Blow jobs. Dome. Eating out. Becky. Going down. etc. etc. And I always have the same answer (which I am about to get sooo much shit for right now): I rather give than receive.

Men, please pump ur brakes and take a cold shower. And females, cease with the hate comments and femenist emails. Just because I like it, don't mean just anyone's gettin it. Having said that, lemme proceed and explain why 'cuz I know there are a bunch of chicks out there shaking their head in disgust thinking "This bitch is trippin," and a gang of dudes thinking, "THERE IS A GOD."

So here's the thing. Asides from the fact that I plain and simply don't mind it - I actually get a kick out of it. Feeling my man squirm and hearing him breathe heavy turns me the fuck on and let's me know I'm doing a good job. Making my man feel good, makes me feel good.

Now, it's not that I don't like receiving. Especially when it's done right. I'm just shy about my shit (says the girl who is talking about oral sex on her blog for the entire world to see lol). But let's face it, a vagina is just ... so much more ... gosh how can I say it ... not gross ... not more alien like ... just, well IT'S ALL UP IN THERE AND SHIT. Stuff comes outta it that we ain't got control of and while I take good care of the vag I still make sure to wash it before and after sex to keep it in check. I don't like to look at my own shit, so what makes me wanna have someone else all up in that shit?

Sure, men are disgusting. They play ball, do jiu jitsu, and their balls get sweaty. But when all is said and done (and showered), a dick is like a finger to me. OK let's hope it's nothing like a finger, but it's an appendage. Unless the dude ur fucking is dirty, in a sense, sucking a dick is like sucking on ur fingers after u eat a juicy piece of chicken and u got hot.sauce drippin down ur hands (I'm sure yall will never eat chicken the same way again). I know, I know. Ur still weary. But that's just the way I look at it.

And that's pretty much it in a nutshell (no pun intended). Not all women feel this way. In fact, most don't. But unicorns do exist! lol. Ultimately though, yall gotta remember to compromise. Because this thing called "69-ing" exists as well. It's a win-win situation. And everyone likes to win in the bedroom.

The Cera-Nation

Oh my fucking God (so serious I spelled it out). I can't. I just can't. LMAO.


Thnx for the laugh Kris!

Puppy-Love

Mariah, Ne-Yo - You two are fucking KILLING me.

Do Work Son!

For 2 years I donated to the Bally's Fund. What Bally's fund u may be asking? U know. The one where u pay $30 a month for 2 years of gym membership but only go for a total of 1 month all together. Making Ballys Total Fitness, my favorite charitable organization. FAIL.

The Dubb folks are having a Biggest Loser Challenge and although I'm not participating, (I'm actually trying to gain a little weight. I lost a gang during my D-Diet. Ass is gone and my jeans are disgustingly loose) I'm still supporting my girls by eating and living healthy .. or at least healthier. My goal is to have my stomach like it was when I first started go-go dancing, to be able to do the splits (don't ask lol), to run the lake at a continuous pace that is not equivalent to the speed people walk, and most of all - to be able to do at least 1 real pushup or pull-up. Honestly, a good source of motivation for me is watching the Road Rules/Real World challenges. I always think, I want to be the kick ass female on the team that DOES WORK and doesn't start huffin and puffin and complaining after running a flight of stairs.

I love how working out makes me feel once I'm done. I love blasting my Ipod while running on the treadmill and feeling the burn in my thighs when I'm doing lunges. It's the getting out of my house, and into my car, and driving to the gym itself that fucks me over. Once I'm on a streak, I'm unstoppable - but once I go on vacation or get sick or have the slightest hiccup in my routine, it's so easy for me to lose focus and start slackin.

Went to the gym today and renewed my membership for a year. I did pretty good for not having went since almost a year ago. 10 minute stretch and warm up, 20 minute cardio, 15 minutes on lunges and pilates floor exercises, and then about 10 minutes on the ab machine. I'm pretty sure I'm doing it all wrong (lol) but at least I was productive. I just got back from grocery shopping and wanted to share my tips for making ur gym experience the least painful as possible if ur allergic to the gym like I am.

• Go late. After peak time, which is usually after most people get off of work. During weekdays, I like to go around 8:30-9pm. That way I'm done by 10-10:15, home by 10:30. I shower, and then KO. Plus, I hate people. I like going when there's barely anyone there. U ain't gotta wait for machines and have the rooms all to urself. No one to look or feel stupid in front of, and no one to holler at u or stare at ur ass.
• Have a workout partner. It makes the time pass faster and ur less likely to flake when u got someone else counting on u for motivation, my work out partner however, is just gonna kick my ass (Jay I am not looking forward to our first training sesh. Matter fact I hate u in advance!).
• Don't wear makeup. Matter of fact, if ur serious about this don't ever expect to look cute at the gym PERIOD. U sweat and look greasy and turn red. At least I do lol. Trust me, u don't want to be the girl with a full set of makeup and hair did at the gym with the Playboy sweats and half shirt.
• IPod, IPod, Ipod! Music really saves lives at the gym. I lagged on going for a month for the simple fact my old Nano broke (which reminds me, I have to name my new one). It just makes shit less boring. Plus, it drowns out all the grunting noises coming from the weight room.

And that's it! Not too complicated right? So good luck, and DO WORK! I hope in a few months I can post a pic with some awesome results.

No Need to Complicate.

Truth Hurts

"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you. You just gotta figure out who's worth suffering for."~Bob Marley

Thnx Marla

Get Well Soon Marrry!

If I didn't just pay a $255.41 school loan with only $200 I'd be on a plane and sleeping in that hospital room with u. I love u. Get better so we can play cowboys and indians in the pool again!

It's Martha Stewart, Bitch.

Ask my girls at WTForks?! what my nick-name is and they'll say "AOL," why? Let's just say I have no patience for new technology unless it deals with video games lol. No doubt about it, I'm a hands-on, arts and crafts girl.

Last night was my first attempt at making a flower hair-piece for my girl Tee's wedding day! I'm not able to attend the actual ceremony in Hawaii next month (FML) but I still wanted to be a part of it somehow and this was the only way I could think of. Everything including the flower itself is hand made. I just used pearl spray, white netting, fabric rose petals, rhinestones, feathers, ribbon, and my trusty glue gun. I'm proud of myself, and I'm honored Tee will be wearing this on her special day.

I Shine, You Shine Shine

A bunch of my folks including my roomy are celebrating their birthdays at Minna, SF next Saturday, January 16th. U can find me there doing the purse dance with my fly ladies and throwing size 13 cheetah print tan-taruns on stage when ComposurE performs. Free hugs for anyone that brings me red velvet cupcakes and a 'lil extra sumthn for deep fried oreos haaah. A bitch gets hongry when she's drunk!



For more info check out Boogie Events

P.S.

For those who asked, I'm no longer on MySpace (RIP Hot.Sauce) but I am on Facebook. Unfortunately, I'm a bitch and only add/accept people I know in real life. U can however add me on *cringe* Twitter. Username is d00waditty (those are zeroes not o's). But I must warn u, I'm boring. And right now my friends have graciously locked me outta that bitch (as well as FB) by changing the pw on me. So if there are any Tweets about me wanting big black cock up the ass it's NOT ME lmao.

Day 14: Through Space and Time

(The last of it)

Some people ask for space so they can "find themselves" when really, they wanna find themselves in someone else's arms. Been there, done that.

And then some people ask for space so that they can be a better person for the one they Love ... and they mean it and they become just that. Again - been there, done that.

They say nothing is stronger than Love. That there is nothing more powerful. Yes there is, and that is Time.

Time can rebuild feelings u forced urself to get rid of for ur first love, but at the same time it allows u to build new feelings for someone else. Time allows u to get over one person and under another one. It makes u realize how much u really Love someone, while it makes others realize u never meant anything to them at all. It differentiates a phase from something that will change ur life forever.

Time makes things easier for the person who wants to forget but harder for the other who is struggling to remember the smallest memory, or grasp onto the tiniest bit of hope. Time leaves room for resentment to grow and paranoia to engulf every inch of ur body. It lets u discover just how cruel people can be and how weak u are. Time allows things to get more and more complicated and confusing.

Time is never fair. It always plays favorites. It drags during tattoo sessions and flies when ur kissing someone good-bye. An hour spent with the love of ur life can seem like a stolen moment, whereas a day can seem like an eternity for the heartbroken. Time sets unruly deadlines, and ultimatums on the heart.

They say patience is a virtue and nothing worth having comes easily. They say time is ur only friend. I don't want to be friends. Fuck time.

Time waits for no one ... but neither will u. So u bow out gracefully. And hope that Time allows u to realize it was all a dream. All a phase. Since Time is the answer to everything, u convince urself that it will let u know the love u feel right now is not real, it does not exist.

But most of all, underneath it all. U secretly pray that ur wrong and everyone else is right. U unwillingly hope that Love does conquer all. That Love is louder than ur boys telling u, "Fuck that bitch. New year, new girl," or ur girls concerned whispers of, "He's a lying asshole. U deserve better." That Love is stronger than pride, lust, fear, regret, bitterness, animosity, curiousity, pain, and vengeance. U pray that Love will put Time in a rear naked choke hold and makes that bitch tap the fuck out.

Boss.Barbie

Fly bitches using their sex appeal to make a dent in the music industry is nothing new. Call it degrading, call it sexist. Regardless of what u wanna call it - it's there and I ain't mad. My two favorite femcees are L-Boogie and the Ill Nana, Foxy Brown. And the two couldn't be any more opposite. I love conscious hip-hop and deep shit, but truth be told I rather sit through a cipha filled with gutta ass beats, metaphors, and punchlines any day. Blame it on dating battle rappers all throughout middle school and high scholol. Foxy may not be the most lyrical bitch on the block, but she was definitely raw. And when she freestyled on the Wakeup Show with then beau Kurupt? COME ON NOW. How much more romantical can u get? lol.

Back then Foxy and 'Lil Kim were rappers turned sexy symbols. But now it seems as if the industry has gone video vixen turned rap superstar. I remember seeing Angel Lola Luv for the first time in Trey Songz' Superwoman video and then in Kanye's Good Life video. OK, I never noticed her, I just noticed her freakishly huge ass. She then graced every hip-hop/black mens magazine there was before dropping the Angel and Luv and going by the rapper alias and boss bitch mentality of Lola Monroe *blank stare* but like I said, I ain't mad.

Then, in the opposite corner we have the 5 Star Chick, Barbie bitch, and leading lady of Young Money - Nicki Minaj. I first seen her walking along side Amber Rose back in the day. I thought she was gorgeous so I googled her and came across The Jump Off 2. But it wasn't until I heard "Itty Bitty Piggy," that I actually took a liking to her. Yah she's kind of crazy looking and has a tendency to roll her eyes to the back of her head (I'm sure the guys lurrve this lol) and probably doesn't write her own rhymes but the bitch got PRESCENCE. I came across an interview on YouTube that compared the 2 and Lola popped off on the subject so I decided to listen to her shit and sure enough, there are similarities both stemming from a 'Lil Wayne comparison.

Who bit off who? I dunno. Maybe they didn't. Either way, I've come to the conclusion that although I think Lola is flyer and spits harder - Nicki gets my vote. Her delivery is RIDONK just like her ass, and it takes a special woman to deliver Weezy's lyrics (i'm assuming he writes at least some of her shit). Peep the two vids below and tell me who u think rocked it best?

Do the Write Thing

Sorry for the lack of posts and "weird" activity on the blog these past few weeks but I promise the next few weeks will definitely make up for it. I couldn't write for a long time (for anyone with a passion and natural talent for anything, a day without doing what u love can seem like an eternity). But then I received emails and comments that gave me the motivation to start again. So please believe me when I say that YOU ARE THE REASON I KEEP WRITING. Got a few new projects on the way so I'm crossing my fingers that they get done sooner than later and yall love 'em.

U know, it takes big cajones to post anything on the internet nowadays. Whether it be a personal story, a fictional example, or even a movie review. Ur left vulnerable and open to so much criticism. People always wanna judge - both good and bad. What I wanted to say though is: DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE.

I can write about how strong I've become, or how much someone hurt me. How much I've grown because of it. Who I've been with, who I've met, who I had sex with last night. The things I own, the things I do, and the places I go to. But nobody, knows the truth. I'm not saying I'm a complete liar. I'm saying, don't assume - ask. And even then, no one but me and the parties involved know what really happened.

I am not a psychiatrist (thank God, 'cuz I think I'd have a few lawsuits against me by now), nor am I qualified in any way to give advice. This blog wasn't meant to solve anyone's problems or make the world a better place. I am no expert in ANYTHING. I'm just an ordinary chick who's made extraordinary mistakes ... and is even a repeat offender. I regret. I cry. And I cry some more. I kick myself when I'm down and am stubborn as hell. I give good advice that I never take. And unfortunately, at times, I can be a hypocrite. U see, I am an expert in NOTHING. I'm just a silly little girl who's experienced love on so many different levels and isn't afraid to share it with the world.

When I started writing this blog, I simply needed a place to collect all my work since MySpace was dying. I never expected it to turn into anything else. So once again, I don't write to make anyone out to be the bad guy or to pretend I'm the victim or even some love guru. Remember, I choose what I want to write. I choose what I want to share. And only I know what's real and what isn't. In the words of the great Trick Daddy (lol) "Yall don't know nan."

But if this blog did have any other purpose, it would be to simply to let u know that u are not alone. Nobody is.

'93 Till

This is my friend Evan.
He's all sorts of Matlock and Kenny G dopeness.
We have the same taste in women ... most of the time.
I have no idea why my shoulders are so tan and my face is so white.
He asked if I could plug his upcoming collabo with Hiero/Souls even though I don't really do random fashion posts.
I told him I'd do it for a friend.
I would've done it even if he didn't ask.
This is my friend Evan, and this is his clothing line Adapt.
Oh, and ladies - he's single.
And right now, he's probably mad I'm pimpin him out.

"Oakland-based hip-hop legends Hieroglyphics and Souls of Mischief have teamed up with bay-area streetwear staple Adapt on a collaborative tee shirt project entitled '93 til. A nod to the Soul's classic anthem '93 til Infinity, it will be available in both black and white colorways on Tuesday, January 12th, exclusively through Hieroglyphics.com, Adaptclothing.com, True, and Status (San Francisco). Very limited quantities. Visit adaptclothing.com and hieroglyphics.com for additional info."

I Don't Know

Let me say one thing first: This post is NOT about marriage. This post is about being so stupid in love that despite all the pain, all the hesitation, all the paranoia, and all the resentment - u STILL go for it. Because all the rules and precautions are thrown out the window and it just HAPPENS. No matter what the question is, if u have to wait for an answer - then there is ur answer. Matter fact, if u have to even ask the question - u've already found ur answer. Love should be patient ... but it should not be taken advantage of.