Tuesday, October 27, 2009

The Blame Game

One of the things I can't stand is when a person plays the blame game. Granted, there are things u just can't control. Like missing ur best friends wedding because ur stuffed animals magically came to life and are holding u for hostage. Or forgetting to pick up ur girlfriend 'cuz Megan Fox's car battery died right in front of ur house and she needed u to jump her - I mean her car. Shit happens, it's understandable. The bus was late, there was traffic, the dog ate my homework. But on a much larger scale - there's just some shit that is never excusable.

I believe the first few years of a persons life on Earth are their most impressionable. While ur upbringing doesn't necessarily predict ur future - I do believe it leaves a big impact on it. A study I did in college on porn stars showed that over 50% of them were raped or molested as a child/teenager. Many serial murderers showed early signs of their ways by torturing and killing small animals as a kid. And it's unfortunately not uncommon that most child abusers were abused as children themselves.

If u grew up in a household where ur father beat ur mother for years and years before she did anything about it, I can definitely see how u as a child can think this type of behavior is acceptable. Especially if there is no one else around u to tell u otherwise. I can also see how as a grown-up u might continue this awful cycle with ur significant other, because for the longest time u didn't know any better. BUT THIS DOES NOT, WILL NOT, AND WILL NEVER JUSTIFY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. Hate to break it to u.

People don't live in caves or under rocks. It shouldn't take a person that long to figure out that raping someone or beating up a pregnant woman or hitting ur boyfriend just because he didn't pick u up on time is wrong. Once a person recognizes a flaw in their lifestyle or personality, it's now their turn to take responsibility for their actions, take control of their life, and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Yah they can point fingers at the past or their surroundings but that shit has an expiration date. U gets no sympathy from me after that, because the pity speeches start to sound old.

Today, I was denied Invisalign. Not because my teeth were too fucked up, but because I didn't have the money to front what the insurance and care credit wouldn't. And for the first time in a loooooooooong time, shit maybe even EVER - I pulled out the "past" card. Yall don't understand. I hate doing that. I hate when other people do that too. But today, as I left the dentist office more than embarassed (especially since the receptionist was a friend of mine) I had to fight away tears. "If my parents were together I bet I would've had them as a kid already," "My sorry excuse for a father should be paying for this shit. It's the least he could do. But nooo he's a fucking loser," "I wish my mom had cared enough about me when I was a child to have taken care of this early on and SAVED FOR IT." Braces, school supplies, prescription eyeglasses, shit, citizenship - these aren't wants like a Fendi wallet or new Cadillac CTS are, they're needs. In case u couldn't tell, this blog is about so much more than braces.

I could cry and complain all day about how unfair it was that while my friends parents bought them cars or paid for their school or rent, or hell cooked them dinner everyday - I had a fist fight with mine, didn't talk to her for an entire year while living in the same apt., worked before I was even old enough to obtain a workers permit, missed an opportunity to go to an accreditted high school because someone FORGOT to submit my application letter, and can count how many home cooked meals I've had on one hand BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. But like I said earlier - that shit gets old. I'm getting irritated at myself for just bringing it up. That's why instead of depriving my kids of things and saying, "I didn't have it when I was young so stop complaining," I'm going to give them everything I never had and then some (granted they deserve it of course). And to be real cut throat about the situation, I'm a grown ass woman, I should have enough saved up to buy them braces my damn self! Ughson.com.

See, every one loves to play the victim but they never really want to actually be a victim. So pls adhere to thsoe pity story expiration dates, no matter how good of a story they are and how many tears they bring to people's eyes. 'Cuz Oprah Winfrey and Chris Gardner had all the reasons in the world to be violent drug addicts, but yall know how their "sob stories" ended.


Se7en said...

"Both *NSYNC [in sync] like a Justin song."

That is all I can say.

Great post.

Anonymous said...

Good looking out girl. Raw post and it's true, you can only pull out the 'pity'/victim card for so long, and after that, you just gotta do something bout it.


marie said...

I don't know how it is that you've been posting exactly what I've been going thru these past several days but thank you for this one. My pity story expired yesterday.

I absolutely love your writing. You put things in a way I could totally relate to.

DJ CMC said...

dont worry abi, when i either: hit the lottery, get molested by some rich person, or get hit by some rap star, or become the next DJ AM...
im buying you ur invisaline n a new pair of tits!

cataLin0 said...

ahhh, some folks don't realize this until people who stood by them disappear because they were tired of hearing the same ol' story without any motivation to change. That's the key... motivation to change the direction of not only your future, but your 'future's' future ;) Dope one Sizzle!