Wednesday, January 5, 2011


This hands down is going to be the hardest thing I've ever divulged to you readers. Far worse than any heartbreak, tinge of insecurity, or moment of promiscuity.

Of all the things I regret in my life it's this: not handling my money wiser.

It's not breaking up with him, giving him a second chance, or having sex with him. I ain't even mad I turned down a once in a lifetime chance to go to Italy for FREE, just to go to New York (WTF?!). And while I wish I had gone to college outside of the Bay Area ... well, I didn't. I'm talking about credit card debt, and financial responsibility.

Because whoever said money can't make you happy, LIED.

Let's be 100 here: I'M PRETTY FUCKING BROKE. And that's probably due to me going on vacations I swear I can afford, but memories are priceless right? At least that's what I tell myself when I'm living off of Top Ramen for weeks at a time. I make shit, therefore I can't do shit. And of course I'm still grateful for everything I do have because I understand I still have so much more than others. But don't get it twisted, I'm not complaining that I don't have more. I'm merely taking responsibility and wishing I had DONE more. I have (barely) enough to pay my bills, keep a roof over my head, and have the occasional GNO here and there. But as much as I hate to and probably shouldn't admit this, I am nowhere near financially stable.

'Cuz when I say broke, I don't mean "Lemme just transfer some money from my savings to my checking and make it all better." I mean, I have $34.37, a pair of $1,200 diamond studs, and a '95 Honda in my name. UGH. FOR SHAME. I can sit here and say that money ain't everything, and what I lack financially I make up in other areas but it still puts a damper on ones morale. Especially, if they're involved with someone who is financially comfortable because it seems like you have nothing to bring to the table. This may be ok to damsels in distress, but not to stubborn bitches that wanna rescue themselves outta the clock tower from time to time.

So ladies, I know you fly and shit and there's probably a dozen dudes just hurtin to buy you something but STACK THAT MONEY HONEY. Not to brag, not to boast, and even if you never spend it, it just feels good to know it's there and that you made it all on your own. 'Cuz asides from being able to buy some red bottom shoes or a shiny new toy, or even put a down payment on a mortgage, money buys you security and most of all piece of mind knowing that you have at least the ability to take care of yourself or a loved one if you needed to. And that is a reason to feel rich in itself.

"Some bitches always holla
How they don't spend a dolla
But that's because they ain't got it
Now tell me where's the logic?"
~Fox Boogie Brown


eL said...

this shit is the story of my life.

financial responsibility has always been a repeating new year's resolution for me. shit, i'm happy if i can end the month with at least $50 still in my checking account. i'm working on it though. since i no longer have a job i'm being forced to watch my spending by hella much. but you know what, even though my spending was crazy in the past few years and i don't have any commas in my bank account i have never regretted dropping all that cash to see the world.

money is just a concept. tropical beaches with a blunt, a beer and good company is reality. (a fucking good one i might add) anyway, i don't plan on becoming fully financially responsible until i'm at least 32.

thanks for the read. good luck in 2011!

ashley sade said...

OMG Amen. i felt like u just put my life on blast lol. tell me why when it comes close to pay week, im transfering savings funds into my checking too just so it could be a lil better hahaha.

Crissy said...

With every post you write, I feel you are just reading my mind and answering all my concerns w| your own personal experiences. This one especially. thanks for that.

Anonymous said...

Why don't you regret breaking up with him?

jensenn said...

"wealth is of mind and heart, not of pocket" - my friend's tattoo

i HATE (and i rarely use that word) how much money has come to control so many people's lives.

even with a good job and a couple extra zeros on my bank statement, i was a lot happier when i was broke.

everything i was able to buy, the places i went to, everything i was able to do, i appreciated a million times more.

Mouf.Peace said...

el - that's exactly why i keep going on these damn vacations when i know damn well i can't afford them lol. i can make up for money, but u can't make up memories ... says the girl eating top ramen for 2 weeks haha.

ash - woman stop buying Js then! jk. that's like telling u to stop breathing. but ur still young, there's no better time than to start saving and budgeting now. i PROMISE u'll be thankful when ur my age.

crissy - although i wish u DIDN'T feel me on this one (cuz it means ur going through financial struggles as well), at least u know u aren't alone. i'm pretty sure there's people out there worse off that have bounced back as well. if they can do it so can we!

anon - there was a reason i broke up with each of my boyfriends. even if i missed them afterwards, i NEVER regretted breaking up with them. if i had stayed, i would've been miserable. why would i regret making myself happy by leaving?

jensenn - i agree, but i'm not trying to have "mo money mo problems." 6 figures are nice but i know that just because u have a fat bank account it doesn't guarantee happiness. all i want is to feel "comfortable." i don't need to be filthy rich long as i'm filthy rich in friends and family and laughter. but i'd be a lot happier with friends, family, and laughter, if i didn't have to worry about bills and getting my own house as well. feel me?