Exactly a year ago, I believe I was having an anxiety attack that had me crying relentlessly on my bedroom floor and throwing things around in my room, prompting one of my closest friends to have her husband pick me up so that I could be "watched." As he drove me back to their house that morning, my shame and embarrassment wouldn't even allow me to look him in the eyes to say thank-you.
Today, I'm in the same exact room, in the same exact house, on the same exact laptop, with the same exact friends. I still cry when I'm sad, yell when I'm drunk, go crazy when I really like someone, and overanalyze things I have no control over.
Yet, I feel like a completely different person.
When I was going "through it," the last thing I wanted to hear was that everything was going to be ok, and the last thing I wanted to believe was that I was stronger than I thought. Because when you're going "through it," no amount of money, self-help book, or positive affirmation can shed light into that dark place you're in. So everytime someone would tell me these things, I'd either want to stab them or myself in the face even though I knew they were just trying to help ... and were probably telling the truth.
But because I like my face, I won't tell you the same. Instead, I'll just give you facts: A year ago I felt DEAD and today I've never felt so ALIVE.
My life ain't all sunshine and roses, and I still look at the glass half empty from time to time - BUT I AM FINE. And if you're human just like me, then there's no reason you won't be fine too. When? As soon as you want it to be. As soon as you are ready for it to be. And as soon as you let it be.
Once again, Happy New Year everyone. Cheers to taking control of the things you have control over and accomplishing goals in 2011!
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