Thursday, January 13, 2011

sEXless in the City

I had started three different posts last night and intended on finishing at least of them today ... until I read Jozen's blog this morning and was completely thrown off and then inspired. So now I'm going to write about SEX instead. Not that black out, seeing angels, got the neighbors knowing his name, DOB, and ssn kinda sex that I normally blog about. But the make it or break it kind. The kind that nobody talks about because people don't want to believe that in reality, sex in a relationship is more important than we'd like it to be.

Jozen's post today is probably one of my top five faves. Not because it's extremely witty and made me laugh or cry like some of his previous posts have. But because it's the unapologetic TRUTH.

In "The Friend Files," I talk about how I can see a potential "anything" (whether it be relationship or bootycall or whatever) in a man during the first five minutes of meeting them. And one of the ways I gauge this is by whether or not I can imagine us having sex. It doesn't mean we're going to, it just means it's not a definite NO. Because before I see you in my future, I need to see you in my pants first.

I once went to the movies with someone who although was handsome, wasn't exactly my "type." But as soon as we sat down in the theater I looked towards my right and had a vision of me pouncing on his ass. A few months later he became my boyfriend. Unfortunately, a few more months after that, we were fighting so much that I couldn't even make out with him, what more have sex. And that's when I knew it was bad.

I agree, sex isn't everything, especially when you start getting arthritis and hip replacements. Good conversation, communication, and love is what's going to make it last in the long run. But when you're still more than capable and the two of you haven't even been together that long - it needs to exist. It doesn't have to be the G.O.A.T., but it has to at least be enjoyable and most of all you have want it from your partner. Because a loving relationship without sex, is just a deep friendship. I'm sorry. Like I said before, sex isn't everything - but neither is love.

'Cuz this is more than just being tired, or having a head ache.
It's more than those last crucial minutes of a football game or a girlfriend crying on the phone. It's more than that time of the month or a long day at work.

This is being so emotionally unattached to someone who used to be able to read your soul. It's about fights so bad that make up sex is no longer an option. It's about two good looking people, that look exactly the same on the outside - feeling completely different underneath it all. It's not the sex that's a problem, it's the LACK of it that is. And when you deny a man sex, (a woman too) you not only rob him of pleasure but of his manhood, his ego, his pride. They don't get that it has nothing to do with them physically, nor does it usually have anything to do with another man. All they see is something's wrong, and all you know is something IS.


Se7en said...

"Like I said before, sex isn't everything - but neither is love."


Stace said...

It's funny because my friend and I were talking about this a month ago when we have our usual talk about the guys currently in our lives. If a guy has me by my heart but not sexin' me right, it's iffy on whether or not I see a relationship happening. No sex, no go. Sorry to say. You'd think sex isn't a big deal and love is enough but once you grow up sex plays a significant part.

My girlfriends told me was that a guy's sex drive is attached to his emotions. I knew my then boyfriend/now ex loved me but I always wondered why he would want to have sex 3-5 times a day to once or twice a week or none at all. My girls said I'd know when my relationship is in trouble when I'm standing in lace lingerie, whispering dirty things I'd do to him, and he would rather cuddle.
By any chance would you have a post about that?

Se7en said...

"You'd think sex isn't a big deal and love is enough but once you grow up sex plays a significant part."

Whoa. *Making a timeout sign with my hands*

I must respectfully disagree - I believe it is the opposite. I think once you grow up and mature - you realize that love is far more important.

I have to wonder how wack some men are in bed for this to be what I am reading? YIKES! lol

I would take love over sex... suppose I am the minority though. Say the one I loved lost the ability to have sex (yes, it does happen through accidents, etc.)... I would still love and be with her. No question or doubt in my mind.