Weekend Recap

What. A. Weekend. Hope everyone had a good one! Gonna grind a 'lil at the 9-5 then attempt to intrigue yall. In the mean time, here's some pics to hold yall down 'til then. My weekend started out with the Monte Verde Crab Feed on Friday.

Homemade garlic butter on the left and vinegar, pepper, and garlic on the right. You know how us Filipino's do!

Next morning had lunch with moms at Nordstrom Cafe and had my usual angel hair pasta with salmon and asparagus omg I die, it never fails.

Then Sat. night headed over to Minna for B and Cus's birthday celebration. And because some have asked and I never do it, here's what I wore lol.

My partner in crime Sat. night, Lindsey. The pic is blurry but this girl is like, GORGEOUS. I kinda want to throw a rock at her face lol.

So I'm not gonna lie, this is the SECOND reason I went out that night. To catch the MoGo BBQ truck outside the party. I smelled like Korea the rest of the night and my breath was kickin like kimchi but this spicy pork taco was herra worth it!

And probably the last sober pic of the night, me and the bestie :)
(Whose mixtapes you can check out here)
Once again Happy Birthday B, Cus, and Happy
Anniversary to Boogie Events Co.!

Finished the weekend off with an adobo burrito at Papalote's followed by Bi-Rite Creamery and Takers Sunday. I swear, I can watch that movie on MUTE lol.

P.S. This pic is for Teeney lol.

I was trying to save money before I went out to Miami so I did my nails myself. After seeing these Chanel nails with the same type of design I decided to take a stab at it. I think i saw them listed as "Ice Cream paint job," so that's what I'll stick to. FYI they're REALLY easy to do. Just apply your base coat, then base color. Then add a few drops wherever you want the "drip" to end and then turn your hand upside down so it drops towards the tip of your fingernail. Use your brush to connect them all together at the end and that's it!

Jeepers Creepers

Nicki's so cute.

And this shit had me dying. I saw some of yall doing this dance just last night at the club.

Orchestra Covers All of the Lights

Yall already know how I feel about this song. And now they wanna hit me with an orchestra? I was just waiting for someone to do this. Just. WOW. Simply beautiful.

HAPPY BERTHAVERSARY!

This Saturday at 111 Minna, come celebrate the anniversary of Boogie Events Co. as well as the birthday of its CEO, B, along with world famous DJ, Neil Armstrong. Twice the celebration. Twice the reason to party. Twice the shots. And twice the fun.

111 Minna, SF

On a Good Day.

OK I lied. Here's something rooty tooty fresh and fruity to send yall off into the weekend with. And oldy, but goody. TGIF everyone!

You ask me how I feel, and I can't reply. Not because I have nothing to say, but because there's so much. Too much.

I could say, "good," or even, "great." Sometimes, "happy." I won't even lie, a little "crazy" even.

But mostly, you make me feel like ... like ... the prettiest leaf, on the highest branch, on the tallest tree, in the biggest forest - yes, that high.

Or rather, the shiniest diamond, the loudest star, or the sunniest day during Indian Summer - yes, that bright.

You know how it feels to be able to come home after a long, uncomfortable flight and then take a hot shower and change into your favorite pair of sweats? Yah, that's exactly how it feels when I'm in your arms.

And you know that stage right before, right before, right before, right before you feel like you could love someone? LOL, yup that's me too.

But only because I'd give you the last bite of my black sesame creme brule. The last sip of my vita-coco. The last balsamic sweet onion chip in the bag - yes, that unselfish.

Remember when you heard that after 10 years Sade was finally coming out with another album? I got online, saw a "Listen here" link to Soldier of Love, and held my breath and crossed my fingers while waiting for the single to load. And then - I exhaled a sigh of relief, "The bitch still got it," whew. Well, that's how it feels on date night after not having seen you for weeks.

And when I stick my hand in my pocket and find $5.00 I didn't know existed? When I open a drawer at work to find a candy bar I forgot was there? When I find the perfect pair of shoes AND they have my size AND it's on sale? My face right when I grab that money, right when I take a bite of that chocolate, right when I walk out of that store? No, that's not how big my smile is when I see you at my front door - it's bigger.

More exquisite than "exquisite," more beautiful than "beautiful," faster than any speeding bullet known to mankind, I want to scream how much you mean to me so loud absolutely NOTHING comes out - yes, it's that powerful.

'Cuz on a good day? It's like a mothers love for her children, a creators passion for their art, and waking up from a dream realizing that reality is better - yes, it's that REAL.

SURE THING

It's Friday, and even though it's not even noon yet my brain has been in happy hour mode since ... since ... well since yesterday lol. Been crankin out posts all week and my brain is officially mush so today you get a lil' something courtesy of my lovely Tat Jansen.

Girl: Do you look at her and in your mind say “Fuck Yea that’s my woman!”?

Guy: Not really. Well…

Girl: She isn’t it.

Guy: How do you know?

Girl: No girl wants to be the “I settled for her girl.” And you my friend are settling because she’s nice. You’re mom is nice to you right? Why don’t you just stick to her being the one woman in your life? People are gonna ask you, “Man, what made you realize you wanted to marry her?” And do you really want your response to be, “Because she’s nice.” Really? Really? Come on now…

Guy: Alright. Alright shit. Shut up.

Girl: Do yourself and her a favor. Let her be with someone who says fuck yes in their mind every time he sees her. Let her be a good, sweet, nice, funny girl for someone else who thinks she’s amazing!

Guy: Who do you think you are now? Bruno Mars?

Girl: If I had a dick, maybe.

Guy: Don’t start. But good shit, I get what you mean.

**I don’t EVER want to be THAT girl. And ladies, neither should any of you. Fellas, don’t do that to yourselves or a good girl**

Ladies and gentlemen, if you have to even think about it - she or he AINT'T IT. You want to be with someone that knows hands down what they want and vice versa. You wanna look over at your girl and be like, "Hell yeah that's MY BITCH." And females, you wanna be able to look over at your man and be like, "Fuck yea he is THAT DUDE." NEVER SETTLE. 'Cuz like I once heard, "The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for." You can bet that, never gotta sweat that.

The Next Best Thing

*Inspired by a late night walk, Thnx JH*

It's like music to a woman's ears when the man she adores says things like, "I want you," "I love you," and "I need you in my life." But hear me when I say that the very next best thing that could ever come out of his mouth is, "I DON'T want you," "I DON'T love you," and "I have commitment issues."

It may sting at first, but I pinky swear to you it's a blessing in disguise.

Because men don't speak "complicated." They can sometimes be complicated but they don't usually speak the language. I've heard men tell women they want to work things out just because they wanted to have their cake and eat it too. I've heard them tell women to stay because they were too scared to let them go. And let's not even get started with all the PSA's I've watched in Sex Ed where boys got girls to have sex with them just by uttering the words, "I love you."

So while men may say the right things but mean wrongdoing, when they actually say NO, it's probably because they actually mean it. And if they've said the worst, it's usually for the best.

I think about the men (FML it's plural lol) who've broken my heart in the past and only wish one thing. Not for them to have stayed with me, not for them to get cheated on. Not even for them to catch a STD or get their ass beat. Merely, for them to have said NO as soon as they knew it was a no-go. Because to be really honest - I am not used to rejection. Therefore, in order for me to fully let go despite what my heart feels, I need it unapologetically with no sugar-coating. It's like ripping off a band-aid instead of slowly pulling it off. It may hurt more to rip it off, but the pain is short-lived. So give it to me now, that way I can crash and burn and then rise from the ashes in no time.

Some women spend all their lives wanting and wishing for an honest man. Then when they get one, they can't handle the truth or create code words for what their men say. "I don't know," means "Well, he didn't say yes but he didn't say no either." "I'm confused," means "Oh, he's just been hurt in the past but he'll get over it." And "I have commitment issues," means "I'll be the amazing girl that gets him to commit."

I'M GONNA GO WITH WRONG.

All that means is he has issues that have nothing to do with you that need to be taken care of internally. So your awesome self staying isn't necessarily going to win him over like the both of you may be hoping it will. And by waiting around for something to happen, you might be missing out on the next best thing.

'Cuz the next worst thing to you leaving him now, is him breaking up with you in a year when he realizes he's not ready for a serious relationship and you realize that when he said "I have commitment issues" all he really meant was I have commitment issues.

Run away fast as you can ...

Black(&Orange) Swan

Such poise. Such grace. Such "FUCK YEAH".

Do the Unthinkable

"Why give up before we try, feel the lows before the highs, clip our wings before we fly away ..."

The Road Less Traveled

I'm stepping out the car now, and I can't see a single familiar face, landmark, or even street sign in sight. I have no idea how we even got here. I just know that we drove fast, with the music up and windows down - without ever looking back.

"We were never meant to be, we just happened."

Because we made it happen. And now I can't figure out if I'm glad they did or not. I just know that I'm glad to have been sitting shotgun next to you. Someone once told me, "It's not the destination, it's the journey." We both have no sense of direction, and I have no idea what lies beyond the horizon. But I do know that it is the end of this road for me.

So you can keep your GPS, you need it more than I do. Because no matter where I am, or where I go, I now know what I want and where I want to end up. But I'll walk slow in case you change your mind and turn around. And if not - I hope you find whatever it is that you think you're looking for. Whether it be on some tropical island, some windy city, or in a 'lil bat cave across the San Mateo Bridge.

Remember. A man is not where he lives but where he loves. And if somewhere along the way you realize that home is with me, you're more than welcome to stop by. Just don't be surprised if someone who always knew where they wanted to be answers the door for me.

Your Penis is So Big

One of my Top 3 favorite movies of ALL time is definitely The Sweetest Thing. HANDS DOWN. It reminds me of me of my early twenties with my closest girlfriends, especially my ride or die, Ness. For those of you 23 and under that have probably never even heard of this movie, GO WATCH IT! Guaranteed laughs with some really good advice underneath it all. This is one of my favorite scenes in the entire movie and totally something me and my friends would still do NOW.

Face Time

There's not really any way for me to ease into this topic so for the faint of heart - come back tomorrow. For everyone else that's already used to my brash raunchiness, hello and good morning, let's talk about ejaculating on a woman's face now shall we?

Sex seems to be a common discussion amongst me and my friends both male and female, so naturally it's a common topic here on the blog. And along with sex, comes oral sex. And along with oral sex comes busting on ones face. Right? No? Just me? OK just kidding then ...

So this is where I stand (or kneel ba-dum-bump) in regards to giving head.

There are very few things I wouldn't try at least once for the RIGHT person. Facials, pearl necklaces, and even swallowing (ew) are on that list. My only requirement is they gotta be worth it. And let me clarify that just because the sex is good, it doesn't mean they're worth it. The shit I mentioned above is seen as degrading to some so if I'm going to put myself in a vulnerable position like that, it's going to be with someone I trust with both my heart and vagina.

However, MANY of my male friends seem to take the opposite stance.

They feel as if they can only do these "freaky" type of things with "hoes" rather than with "wifey," because they want to "caress their girlfriends face, not shoot their children all over it." They believe that since this type of behavior is usually associated with porn stars that they would never actually date (just fuck), that it's reserved for booty calls and one night stands. Again, women who they would never actually date (just fuck).

And I get it. I really do. But, are you to tell me that if this hot, beautiful woman who you love dearly, aka your girlfriend or wife, said, "Oh big (insert name here) please jizz into my mouth right now!" that you'd put your dick back in your pants in disgust and send her to bed early with no supper? *Ed Lover, COME ON SON!*

The general consensus seems to be this: Men are more likely to bust in the face of someone they DON'T care about, and women are more likely to let someone they DO care about bust on them. The only explanation I have for this is since a woman gets it DONE to her, and a man DOES it to the woman, she's more likely to save it for a special occasion, or more specifically - a special person. Kinda like the fine china in the cabinet. You only use it for important gatherings, like an engagement dinner or birthday party. Or that sexy Herve Lever dress that you only wear when you need to bring out the big guns ... like for your high school rivals engagement dinner or ex's birthday party. You get it? No? Fine.

But whether you agree or disagree, all I know is I'm reserving it for a man who loves and appreciates the brain I have before the brain I give.

p.s. do you know how hard it is to find an artistic picture of a woman getting a facial on the internet? hard. i tried lol.

Good lookin on the image Deryk lol!

Ready, Set, SLOW.

"Don't go looking for Mr/s. Right. Look for Mr/s. Right Now. And eventually, if s/he's worthy, then one day that "now" part is just going to drop away ... naturally."

All My Single Ladies

I'm gonna risk getting harpooned by a feminist group right now and just lay it out there: Any woman that says she doesn't want to be in a relationship - is LYING. I don't care how beautiful, how rich, how independent, or how successful she is - somewhere, deep down in that thick ass skull and cold black heart of hers, she wouldn't mind being beautiful, rich, independent, and successful with a man by her side. 'Cuz just like every King needs a Queen, every Superwoman needs a Superman (here I am).

But in no way does this mean she lives to be in one. In no way does this means she can't live without one. In no way does this mean she is miserable being single. And in no way does this mean she wants to be with YOU.

Some of you men need to get off of your high horse. I'm sure you're a catch. I'm sure you got your shit together. And I'm almost positive you handsomer than a motherfucker. But a woman who is also a catch, that's got her shit together, and is oh "so very, fly oh my it's a little bit scary" knows she has just as many, if not more options than you do. Or ... maybe, she doesn't have any at all. Just know that maybe, quite possibly, she might be *gasp, dare I say it?* OK with this. That maybe, quite possibly it's by choice. I can't speak for all single ladies, but I can speak for all my single ladies that are alone but not lonely.

It's just sad that usually when a woman is single, it's because she's damaged and has issues, but when a man is single, it's because he's a bachelor and doesn't want to be in a relationship. It can definitely go both ways, and while it can definitely be true, it's not always true.

So the next time you see a single woman (or hell, even a single man) that seems to have their life together in every aspect except for the love department, don't feel sorry for him or her. 'Cuz he or she just might be feeling sorry for you.

Good lookin Marla.

BTW.

I got banged up again ...

and I CANNOT WAIT 'til they grow back out wah.

I'd Beat

I'm fucking EXHAUSTED. Having one of those, "Don't even say the word a-l-c-o-h-o-l or else I'm a yack," kinda Sundays but asides from that I'm feeling awesome lol. Just tired. So here's something nice and fluffy to hold you over 'til Monday.

I've always been a music enthusiast, who isn't right? But I am a slave to detail (it's a blessing and a curse), especially when it comes to beats. I always notice the little things most people overlook. Then, when I went out with a producer, this trait was intensified even more because I was able to identify every little key, pitch, 808, snare, etc. in a track and appreciate it even more.

So here are some of my favorite instrumentals as of today (not of all time), maybe you can appreciate them just as much. If you have anything to add, please do!

Right Above It - Kane Beatz


Aston Martin Music - Justice League


You Be Killin Em - Ryan Leslie


All the Lights - Yeezy


All the Lights Interlude

I just had to say that I really, REALLY love this beat. It's a headphones required knock for sure. Kanye may be a scumbag but you can't knock his talent! The horns especially make me wanna ride up on a horse and go to war on some medieval type shit or get hella amped as if I'm about to play in the Superbowl lol. I know, I'm weird but I know the homie Scott feels me on this! And I think this is exactly what good music is all about - provoking thoughts and emotions beyond the basslines.

"If you want something you've never had, You have to do something you've never done"

~Uknown

TGIF - The Anthem

Just remembered this song that Rach put me onto while in Vegas and it is now the anthem for this weekend, and the rest of my life lol. Work hard, so you can party harder. Now "give me pound give me pound, give me euro, give me yen ..."

One Happy Fits All

I know I just seen you just last week, but you look a little ... I dunno ... what' the word? Different.

Did you get a haircut? No, no, it actually looks longer now.

Hmmm ... it's definitely not a tan 'cuz this is actually the palest I've ever seen you (and you know I'd cut you if you visited some tropical place without me).

Oh wait I know! All those hours at the gym are paying off! Dammit, that still ain't it.

I'm checking you out right now, 'cuz girrrrrl you must've went shopping without me.

Nope. Same denim we both got at the first Hellz sample sale we went to. Same letterman jacket that I've been wanting to steal from your closet. And I've seen you wear that Kangol plenty of times.

But your skin. It's glowing. And your eyes. They're - ew, they're twinkling you homo. And fuck me sideways, you're smiling from the inside out. Ahhh, I got it. You dun went and got you some HAPPY. The free kind. The right kind. The real kind. And I know we like different things, and got a different steez, but go 'head girl. WORK IT. 'Cuz that shit looks good on you.

Now if only we were the same size.

Promise Me

It's no secret, I LOVE PRETTY GIRLS. I could stare at them all day. Matter fact, I'm pretty sure I already do. Women are just beautiful creatures! Besides, I'm starting to think the world is having a shortage on gorgeous men.

Anyway, every once in a while a fly chick catches my attention and holds it long enough for me to form a "Girl Crush," and one of my current ones is MUA extraordinaire Promise Phan. I randomly saw an Avatar makeup tutorial on YouTube that she did and then found her on FB, which is where I stole, I mean borrowed all the pics you see here. She's dope. She's talented. And I have never in my life seen such a versatile looking Asian (She's from Nepal I believe).

Here are just a few makeovers she's undergone. If you want to check Promise out, you can watch her tutorials here under dope211.

Nicki Minaj

MJ!

Andrew Dodson lol (hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife!)

Scarlett Johansson

Adriana Lima

And my personal favorite, Angelina Jolie!

(As if you needed me to tell you)

She's sooo good! I would've never guessed she could look like her just by checking out her "regular" pics.

We Love You Too Bruno

It's OFFICIAL. I will be masturbating to his voice tonight.

Mediocrity Killed the Cat

I'm not scared of heights, I want to go skydiving in September. I'm not scared of dogs, I used to kiss my(ex's) pitbull on the forehead. I'm not scared of thunderstorms either, I love dancing in the rain. And although I'm still absolutely terrified of relationships, like Josephine Hart said, "Damaged people are dangerous, they know they can survive".

In fact, my biggest fear by far is simply living a mediocre life.

I believe that every single person on Earth has a special talent. Some have many, some have few, but we ALL have at least one. If you don't think you do, you just haven't discovered it yet. Nevertheless, we are all amazing. The only thing that sets us apart is our ability to recognize, embrace, and utilize this talent. I'm almost there. But almost doesn't count.

If someone showed me my life in a crystal ball, five or shit, even two years from now and I was still sitting behind a desk wasting my life away I would seriously take apart my rubberband ball, create a Chinese jump-rope with it, and then use it to hang myself. I don't think I was born to be famous (I care too much about what people think), and in no way do I even think I'm a role model (I do too many incriminating things lol). But when I read comments and messages like the one above, I do know that I was meant to do more than enter subscription orders and Facebook all day.

So remember, it's not just enough to be able to jump like Mike, or sing like Alicia. Once you find your "thing," you still need to put in work to do the damn thing. Having dreams and living a mediocre life is a crime. But having big dreams and settling for a mediocre life is murder.

p.s. Matthew, shout out to your girl. Tell her thank you for being the inspiration for todays blog ;)

Say What You Mean, And Mean What You Say - Or Don't Say Shit At All.

I'm crazy.

But I have even crazier friends. Just a few days ago one told me that she and her boyfriend were having a "moment" and she said she was crazy herself. To which he replied, "The only time I think you're crazy is when you talk about being crazy." A lightbulb went off in my head and then I secretly vowed to never let her break up with him even if it meant hand cuffing her to his bed post ... if they haven't tried that one out already lol.

The truth is, nothing is an issue UNLESS YOU MAKE IT AN ISSUE.

We're told that actions speak louder than words, and this is true, but have you ever told yourself something so much that you actually started to believe it? I am notorious for this. Unfortunately, some people end up telling themselves the wrong things. It's going to end bad, it's not going to work, you're going to get hurt, wah wah wah. You know what usually happens when you say this? It ends bad, it doesn't work, and you get hurt.

I never in a million years thought I'd ever say this but, "Over thinkers of the world (myself included) JUST STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT NOW," 'cuz you're ruining it for yourself!

Have you ever not cared about the way you looked to have someone point out a "flaw," and then all of a sudden you're booking an appointment to get ass injections when just last week you thought you're booty was superb?! Same difference (well, almost). Things are only as serious as you tell yourself they are. They are only as big as you let them be. You spend all your time thinking and thinking instead of just letting yourself BE and then all of a sudden, shit gets ridiculous when it could be more than simple.

Boy is crazy over girl. Girl is crazy over boy. They talk to each other on the phone, and spend time with each other. The end right?

Of course not. It's usually more like:

Boy is crazy over girl. Girl is crazy over boy. They talk to each other on the phone and then one day girl doesn't get a phone call from boy and starts spazzing out thinking that he doesn't like her anymore but that's 'cuz boy spent 3 days straight with her and thinks he saw his life flash right before his very eyes. So now they're both scared and confused but still crazy over each other and think that the answer is to walk away when neither of them want that but neither of them know what the fuck to do and can't figure out what went wrong ... BECAUSE NOTHING WENT WRONG UNTIL THEY STARTED THINKING TOO MUCH ABOUT SHIT!

And then every little thing becomes a make it or break it moment, posting a platonic ass picture of you two that could've been taken with anyone else all of a sudden means you're "in a relationship," and a vacation ends up being a "glimpse into the future", instead of a fun trip with people you care about.

Hi.
Breathe.

Remember that one song that went, "Don't start no shit, won't be no shit"? Stop starting shit with yourself, it's self destructive. Not to mention CRAZY.

A Lot of Alphabets but I'm A G

STILL love this song. Always makes me wanna wear all white and pop bottles on a yacht headed to Star Island. Hey, it can happen ;)

How I Ate My Way Through Miami

Do You Think About Me Now and Then?

'Cuz I'm coming home again, maybe we can start again.

Not bad for an iPhone Instagram pic huh?

Dress You Up In My Love

There's a lot of pressure on men these days, but believe me when I tell yall that you still got it easy in certain departments and the actual department store is one of them. A while ago, the homie was telling me how he hadn't went shopping in forever. And I told him that as long as he keeps his shoe game clean, he has nothing to worry about.

'Cuz for the most part, men look the same in almost everything. The only variables that change their overall look are hair, and weight. That's it. Whereas women have all these contributing factors like makeup, and heels, and accessories, and push up bras. But if a man is handsome and in shape with a fresh cut, he will still look handsome and in shape with a fresh cut whether he's in a cow costume, sweatsuit, or policeman's uniform.

And if the girl you're seeing is anything like me? Then, sweety, there's really only 3 items you need to stock up on in your closet and they are the following:

1) White V's - A man can never have enough so stack 'em up, unless you're into poppin tags and shit in which case MY BAD. The thing is, white v's go with anything, you can dress 'em up or down, and then you can let your girlfriend walk around in them after sex with no panties and her ass cheeks hanging all out, which will probably lead to even more sex.

2) Slim fitting denim - Because we do not need to see half of your ass while you walk down the street. Because you are not 16 anymore. Because JNCO's and Cross Colors were soooo over a decade ago. Because grown men fit into their jeans. But if they're skinny jeans or I can see your nuts trying to escape, I will not only ask for my jeans back - I will kick your ass to the curb as well.

3) A clean pair of kicks - My personal faves are Js and Tims, so choose your poison. Whether they be Nikes, or Creative Recs, or even Vans. As long as they're clean you're in business. I promise that regardless of what you're wearing, it will all come down to the shoes at the end of the stare down. And if there's one way to ruin the stizzle, it's to have on a nice outfit and top it all off with some dirty ass raggedy shoes.

And that's it. Style any way you like. My fave mancessories of choice are a fitted hat (I mean you already know, SF por vida), and a letterman jacket. But as long as you got those 3 basics, the possibilities are endless. However, I will say that if a man looks good in a suit? He can look good in ANYTHING.

Ladies, anything you like to see your mens in?

MC MLK

A real emcee moves yet controls the crowd. But most importantly, his words affect those around him years after he puts the mic down.

"Ironic you been sleeping on the one that you been dreaming 'bout"

~Damn, Cole world.

Ring Around the Routine

Everyday, monday through friday, I wake up at 7.

And then at 7:15.

And then again at 7:30.

And sometimes, ok fine, most of the time, one last time at 7:45.

I get ready, go to work, and turn on my computer. I set up my desktop accordingly, print out my orders, then go downstairs to buy breakfast. Once I'm back up, I go down my list of favorite blogs, check my email, and say "Good morning," to the regulars on Meebo. Then, I proceed to work and bullshit and multi-task until it's 5:30 and time to go home.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

That is the "typical" part of what I do on an everyday basis. It works and it's what I'm used to. But it's boring as hell and sucks the life outta me.

We all have our own routines. Patterns we carefully design to create the perfect security blanket for our lives. Reoccurrences we willingly let happen because they're SAFE. Now don't get me wrong, I'm ALL ABOUT safe. Shit, I use my turn signals even when backing out of my own driveway. But some of the best feelings I've ever experienced, and some of the best decisions I've ever made derived from me saying, "FUCK IT!"

I can barely swim and have never jumped into a pool before, what more off a telephone pole and into the ocean. But damn, the water looks so nice and everyone is having so much fun. FUCK IT! I really can't afford to go on this trip, I had to scrounge up change just to get on the train this morning. But damn, I'll be with my best girls on the last night of 2010 so I know it'll be a blast. FUCK IT! I. Am. So. Scared. No, I'm terrified. And I refuse to let anyone in and get hurt again. But damn, what if he's "that?" FUCK IT!

Imagine how different the world we lived in would be if everyone stuck to their same old routine and played it safe. There wouldn't be airplanes, or amusement parks, or trips to the moon. Hellz Bellz wouldn't exist, we wouldn't be able to sit anywhere we wanted to on the bus, and there would be no Lady Gaga 'cuz there wouldn't have been a Madonna to pave the way. Mark Zuckerberg who? Facebook what?

Lastly, people would never truly know or appreciate love, because they'd never experience pain. They wouldn't know that it's possible to share your life with someone without losing yourself, or how effortless it could be to be happy. Because they're so engulfed in repeating the familiar. Because they're so scared to be "out of their element." People would be in boring, unhappy relationships just because they're secure and it's all they've ever known.

That is not progression. It's not going backwards either. That is simply walking on a treadmill. You're moving, and you're looking ahead. But really? You ain't going nowhere. So you might as well be standing still while everyone else is taking off and leaving you behind.

Depending on what we're talking about, routines can be both beneficial and hazardous to your life. Whatever is most comfortable is usually what works. But sometimes you need to let yourself be uncomfortable. Just because something works, it doesn't mean it will make you happy.

Control + Alt + Delete

I see your finger hovering over his number on your iPhone - don't do it. At least not just yet. So that you can remember the hour long phone conversations you two used to have at 1 in the morning like high school sweethearts. And maybe, just maybe you'll get to see his name and your favorite picture of him and his adorable little niece pop up on your screen once again.

I see your cursor blinking over that picture. The very first one you two ever took that you both actually liked and both actually looked good in. Don't do it - at least think it over a little. So that in the mean time you can remember the second right after you took it when you two smiled in approval, not just at the picture but at a future with each other in it.

And I know he gave that to you and it reminds you of him and only him in a sea full of hims, but please - don't do it. It's not that serious, I swear. So after you stop hurting, you can remember how good he made you feel and the little things be said or did or gave you to make you feel that way.

Because even if you delete his number, even if you get rid of his gifts, and even If you drag each and every picture of him into the trash, he will stil exist in your HEART. His laughter will still resonate in the hallways of your soul, his "morning beautiful's" will still echo in your ears, the secrets and dreams you've shared will still linger in your brain, and his touch will remain as vivid as the first time he held your hand.

So before you go trying to delete him from your phone, and your computer, and your room, just remember that it takes more than a click of a mouse or a little Spring cleaning to delete him from your heart.

Love to Love to Love You.

No matter how stressed, no matter how sad, no matter how angry, no matter how long my day has been - I can always count on this 'lil guy to make it ALL BETTER. He's fucking too much sometimes I swear.

Have a good weekend everyone!

sEXless in the City

I had started three different posts last night and intended on finishing at least of them today ... until I read Jozen's blog this morning and was completely thrown off and then inspired. So now I'm going to write about SEX instead. Not that black out, seeing angels, got the neighbors knowing his name, DOB, and ssn kinda sex that I normally blog about. But the make it or break it kind. The kind that nobody talks about because people don't want to believe that in reality, sex in a relationship is more important than we'd like it to be.

Jozen's post today is probably one of my top five faves. Not because it's extremely witty and made me laugh or cry like some of his previous posts have. But because it's the unapologetic TRUTH.

In "The Friend Files," I talk about how I can see a potential "anything" (whether it be relationship or bootycall or whatever) in a man during the first five minutes of meeting them. And one of the ways I gauge this is by whether or not I can imagine us having sex. It doesn't mean we're going to, it just means it's not a definite NO. Because before I see you in my future, I need to see you in my pants first.

I once went to the movies with someone who although was handsome, wasn't exactly my "type." But as soon as we sat down in the theater I looked towards my right and had a vision of me pouncing on his ass. A few months later he became my boyfriend. Unfortunately, a few more months after that, we were fighting so much that I couldn't even make out with him, what more have sex. And that's when I knew it was bad.

I agree, sex isn't everything, especially when you start getting arthritis and hip replacements. Good conversation, communication, and love is what's going to make it last in the long run. But when you're still more than capable and the two of you haven't even been together that long - it needs to exist. It doesn't have to be the G.O.A.T., but it has to at least be enjoyable and most of all you have want it from your partner. Because a loving relationship without sex, is just a deep friendship. I'm sorry. Like I said before, sex isn't everything - but neither is love.

'Cuz this is more than just being tired, or having a head ache.
It's more than those last crucial minutes of a football game or a girlfriend crying on the phone. It's more than that time of the month or a long day at work.

This is being so emotionally unattached to someone who used to be able to read your soul. It's about fights so bad that make up sex is no longer an option. It's about two good looking people, that look exactly the same on the outside - feeling completely different underneath it all. It's not the sex that's a problem, it's the LACK of it that is. And when you deny a man sex, (a woman too) you not only rob him of pleasure but of his manhood, his ego, his pride. They don't get that it has nothing to do with them physically, nor does it usually have anything to do with another man. All they see is something's wrong, and all you know is something IS.

December 7th, 2010

'Cuz I refuse to let the butterflies turn into anxiety.
But, a little help please? Thanks.

Paying Homage

That's me on Miami Beach thanking the Florida Marlins for Cody Ross lol. Spring training in 6 weeks and 3 days woo hoo!

"Let him in, or let him go."

~JH

The One.

As yall know, I went to Miami for a couple of days and although I feel blessed to have been there to begin with, of course I'm gonna complain that I'm back home in the rain practically hugging my space heater 'cuz it's freezing in my room. So yes, I'm bitter. And yes I'm too stupid to blog right now but I'm going to anyway before I forget about this topic and lose all my readers, 'cuz that's what happens when you don't write for 5 days. Just don't expect me to be any good right now, my brain is still on South Beach drinking a fucking mojito.

OK ANYWAY.

I've heard that everyone has that one person that got away. Meh, not true.

Well, I guess that depends on what your definition of it is. But a friend of mine said he doesn't believe in them. That there's no such thing, and if someone isn't in your life in a certain way, it's not because you let them get away. It's because they're just not supposed to be in your life like that.

If you were with someone and shit didn't work out due to whatever circumstances, then yes. They got away. Not necessarily because you let them go, but because they wanted to leave. And when someone really doesn't want to be somewhere there's nothing you can say or do to make them stay. However, that doesn't mean that at the right time it won't happen. Don't believe me? Read this. True story ;)

But when I think of "The one that got away," I think of a person who you've always had a serious crush on but for one reason or another, never took it THERE. In which case - I've never had one. I've never been interested in someone enough to want to get to know them and NOT pull them. OMFG that Abigail is sooo conceited. Womp womp. STFU and lemme explain. I get with these dudes NOT because I'm a pimp. I get with them because I don't want to be wondering, "What if?" about some dude, when I'm with another dude. That shit ain't cool.

Not only isn't it fair for the person whose giving 100% but not having it reciprocated, but it also ain't fair to Mr. or Mrs. 67% either. If nobody wants to be second best, why would you want to have second best?

We all want to believe that the person we're with now is genuinely diggin us. That it was love at first sight, and that they never think about anyone else. That regardless of how "in like" they are with us now, that we weren't initially just a "buffer," or "rebound." But that shit happens all the time. And I know you gotta kiss a few frogs before you find your Prince/ss but if there's a chick or a dude in front of you wearing a medieval costume with a sign that says "Hi, I'm your Prince/ss Charming," why fucking not right?

So if you're feelin someone, like, a lot. Handle it. Because you never know, the one that got away might be just, THE ONE.

What Happens in Vegas Stays in ... Your Thighs

'Cuz for the first time ever, I did more eating in Vegas than drinking, dancing, or partying. WTF right? But when you got restaurants like Max Brenner, Hash House A Go Go, and Island Sushi how can one resist? THEY DON'T.

My first dinner of 2011 was with 2 of my favorite girls at one of my newest favorite Vegas eating establishments, Max Brenner's Chocolate Bar. Thankfully, my fat ass spotted it in a magazine at the telly and Queenie's fat ass brought it up again. I'm so glad the line at Cheesecake Factory was ridonk, otherwise I may have never gotten to eat here.

Rach, her vagina cup, and white hot chocolate. The ladies know I'm a fan of white chocolate. Mmm hmm lol. Where the Mexican hot chocolate though? HAH.

OK so left to right: Steak (I've had better but for a place known for their chocolate it was still very good!) flavorful potatoes, and the BEST FUCKING CHEESY CORN CROQUETTES I'VE EVER TASTED IN MY LIFE. OK, so they're the ONLY corn croquettes I've ever tasted in my life BUT STILL. Then, mushrooms with spinach in a garlic lemon sauce (must try to imitate one day), onion rings with chocolate ranch sauce (we all preferred regular ranch though), and a spinach asparagus crepe. There was nothing I DIDN'T like.

And for dessert, a banana split waffle thingy. I forget what it was actually called but here, you can read Rach's nomz nomz post on it maybe she says it there. It came with chocolate sauce, and little malt balls. Asides from the malt balls and the bananas, I thought this was just ok. I actually preferred the entrees better but overall, the entire meal was still 4 outta 5 stars in my book.
Our last meal before we drove off into zombie infested nothing land (aka back to the Bay from Vegas) was at Island Sushi under the recommendation of my Mary, Gail. And holy fuck my life. We ordered the garlic chicken which was similar to Mitsuken in Hawaii (although I wouldn't know since I was hung the fuck over when we had it), fried saimen, and quite possibly one of the best spicy tuna bowls I've ever tasted. So simple but sooo delicious. I loved how they added taro chips in there too. It was a nice 'lil accompaniment and added a good texture to the dish.

Now go drool on that, 'til my next Foodgasm post, which will show you how I ate my way through Miami. UGH, I would be a fat ass in the one city known for dieting and staying in shape.

M.I.A.

And after these messages, we'll be right back ...

Wish My Arms Was Long Enough...

...to hug you all at the same time.

Save the Drama For the Unhappy

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"The best way to predict the future,
Is to create it."

~Peter Drucker

Pink Swan

Getting ready for my ballet recital - I mean Hash House A Go Go lol.

My BIGGEST Regret

This hands down is going to be the hardest thing I've ever divulged to you readers. Far worse than any heartbreak, tinge of insecurity, or moment of promiscuity.

Of all the things I regret in my life it's this: not handling my money wiser.

It's not breaking up with him, giving him a second chance, or having sex with him. I ain't even mad I turned down a once in a lifetime chance to go to Italy for FREE, just to go to New York (WTF?!). And while I wish I had gone to college outside of the Bay Area ... well, I didn't. I'm talking about credit card debt, and financial responsibility.

Because whoever said money can't make you happy, LIED.

Let's be 100 here: I'M PRETTY FUCKING BROKE. And that's probably due to me going on vacations I swear I can afford, but memories are priceless right? At least that's what I tell myself when I'm living off of Top Ramen for weeks at a time. I make shit, therefore I can't do shit. And of course I'm still grateful for everything I do have because I understand I still have so much more than others. But don't get it twisted, I'm not complaining that I don't have more. I'm merely taking responsibility and wishing I had DONE more. I have (barely) enough to pay my bills, keep a roof over my head, and have the occasional GNO here and there. But as much as I hate to and probably shouldn't admit this, I am nowhere near financially stable.

'Cuz when I say broke, I don't mean "Lemme just transfer some money from my savings to my checking and make it all better." I mean, I have $34.37, a pair of $1,200 diamond studs, and a '95 Honda in my name. UGH. FOR SHAME. I can sit here and say that money ain't everything, and what I lack financially I make up in other areas but it still puts a damper on ones morale. Especially, if they're involved with someone who is financially comfortable because it seems like you have nothing to bring to the table. This may be ok to damsels in distress, but not to stubborn bitches that wanna rescue themselves outta the clock tower from time to time.

So ladies, I know you fly and shit and there's probably a dozen dudes just hurtin to buy you something but STACK THAT MONEY HONEY. Not to brag, not to boast, and even if you never spend it, it just feels good to know it's there and that you made it all on your own. 'Cuz asides from being able to buy some red bottom shoes or a shiny new toy, or even put a down payment on a mortgage, money buys you security and most of all piece of mind knowing that you have at least the ability to take care of yourself or a loved one if you needed to. And that is a reason to feel rich in itself.

"Some bitches always holla
How they don't spend a dolla
But that's because they ain't got it
Now tell me where's the logic?"
~Fox Boogie Brown

Please Excuse the Gay

Pardon me while I take this phone call at 7:45am, but my gay is calling. If you need me, I'll just be in the other room ... twirling my hair and putting my hand over my mouth so that you don't hear my "I miss your face" voice.

I'm sorry if I may seem slightly aloof. I'm paying attention, I swear! Those purple pumps look better with that dress than the black ones. Pink lipstick, pearl earrings, and pull your hair back. See, told you!

And yes, I did just take a picture of my white hot chocolate and send it to him because next to him, it's the next best thing. Because he's everywhere. Club XS. He's there. In the bathroom. He's there. Island Sushi. Turn around. HE'S THERE.

But don't worry, because I'm STILL HERE. And I'm still ME. And I'm still fun, and ridiculous, and sometimes a 'lil weird. You know this. I'll still throw back shots like I'm about to be on stage, and play wing-woman at the club. I'll still be at every GNO with my LBD dress on and LDW trip onesie in hand (unless it falls on his birthday of course). I'll even be there on those random nights. For when you're sad. For when you're hungry. For when you're bored. For absolutely nothing at all.

So I know you see me texting away like my life depended on it. Kilig in full effect, cheesy smile plastered on my face, a foggy haze over my eyes, and bottle of gold glitter in my purse. But I promise I won't turn into one of those girls you no longer want to share a room with because it's always "So and so this," or, "So and so that," or "I have to call so and so because I just sneezed and HAVE to share the news with him even though we just hung up."

But if it's not too much to ask for ... just let me ... let myself be gay for a while. Just a little while. Please? 'Cuz I've spent way too long wah-ing to not be swooning. Too many phone calls screaming, "I can't BELIEVE he fucking did this to me," to not be gushing, "OMG I can't believe this is finally happening to me". Too many hours dwelling to not be celebrating. Too many nights wallowing instead of laughing. 'And I'm hoping that no matter how bad I may make you wanna yack with my hand made Christmas gifts and outlandish day dreams all involving him, you'll take it over having me cry hysterically on your shoulder any day.

165º

It's funny how so much can change ... yet still remain the same.

Exactly a year ago, I believe I was having an anxiety attack that had me crying relentlessly on my bedroom floor and throwing things around in my room, prompting one of my closest friends to have her husband pick me up so that I could be "watched." As he drove me back to their house that morning, my shame and embarrassment wouldn't even allow me to look him in the eyes to say thank-you.

Today, I'm in the same exact room, in the same exact house, on the same exact laptop, with the same exact friends. I still cry when I'm sad, yell when I'm drunk, go crazy when I really like someone, and overanalyze things I have no control over.

Yet, I feel like a completely different person.

When I was going "through it," the last thing I wanted to hear was that everything was going to be ok, and the last thing I wanted to believe was that I was stronger than I thought. Because when you're going "through it," no amount of money, self-help book, or positive affirmation can shed light into that dark place you're in. So everytime someone would tell me these things, I'd either want to stab them or myself in the face even though I knew they were just trying to help ... and were probably telling the truth.

But because I like my face, I won't tell you the same. Instead, I'll just give you facts: A year ago I felt DEAD and today I've never felt so ALIVE.

My life ain't all sunshine and roses, and I still look at the glass half empty from time to time - BUT I AM FINE. And if you're human just like me, then there's no reason you won't be fine too. When? As soon as you want it to be. As soon as you are ready for it to be. And as soon as you let it be.

Once again, Happy New Year everyone. Cheers to taking control of the things you have control over and accomplishing goals in 2011!

HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR!

OK, seriously? The BEST FUCKING NEW YEARS EVER. Like, EVER. IN MY LIFE! So fun, I almost feel like an asshole bragging about it. Too tired to do a full recap (a 12 hour in traffic, sleet, rain, and snow will do that to you), but here's a few pics for now. I hope everyone had an amazing welcome into 2011!

It's goin dowwwwwwn - BASEMENT.

Bubbly and Bitches.

Last hoorah at Harrah's.

My New Years date ;)

And I just had to share this ...

Alexander Wang dress on Net-a-Porter, $795

No name dress I accidentally found at some no name store at the mall $36.00

After wah-ing over the fact that I didn't have enough funds to cop my dream dress, I decided to walk over to F21 at the mall and on the way saw this dress on a mannequin in the window of some random ass store whose name I can't even remember. On the hanger, this dress looks so "blah," but it fit like a glove and at $36.00 I couldn't pass it up! Then I come to remember, I did an old Polyvore set with a dress almost exactly like it! My shoes are from F21 courtesy of Rach. Ladies, I promise you ain't gotta drop bread to look or at least feel like a million bucks :)

BTW, I really should've closed that bathroom door before I took this, gross lol.