The naysayers thought I started go-go dancing because of self-esteem issues, which I thought was ridiculous. Because while you get the everyday pervs that don't even know you have a face hootin and hollerin, doing something like go-go dancing is one of the worst things you can do to "help" whatever self-esteem issues you may have.
You're surrounded by BEAUTIFUL WOMEN all the fucking time. Taller ones. With flatter stomachs. Plumper asses. And big ass tits. You're constantly being watched and judged. How again is this supposed to make me feel better? Exactly.
I won't lie. I care about the way I look. And to keep it real hunned, sometimes without even knowing it, I compare. Other times, I won't even bother to compare 'cuz I'm so awestruck by someone's physical appearance that I just wahhh. The other day I caught myself on some random girls Facebook page. She was gorgeous. Tall, tan, and mestiza looking with dimples. For about 2 minutes I wished I could be as pretty as her. Then I mentally slapped myself. Told my friend what I did, got verbally slapped by her. And then - the moment was over.
Moments like these happen far from often, but I'm ashamed they happen at all. It reminded me of this one girl I knew who got into import modeling partly to compete with her ex's new girlfriend who was also a "model". *sigh* Pretty girl. Ugly thought process. The thing is, no matter how much of a pretty front you put up, if you ain't feelin yourself on the inside - PEOPLE CAN TELL. Your happiness shouldn't be based on anyone else's approval. Your worth shouldn't be determined by someone else's rejection or acception. And your self-image ... is just that, your SELF-image.
These are all things I easily forget. And then I think about all the women I see who to some might not be the conventional beauty, and to some are "ugly." I look at how happy they are, how confident they feel, and the men that look at them as if they were the only woman on Earth, AND CHECK MYSELF.
Because what I've learned is:
There will ALWAYS be someone better looking.
Being "good looking" guarantees you NOTHING.
Being "better looking" isn't always an advantage.
More and more, looks are starting to mean less and less.
And sometimes? LOOKS DON'T MEAN SHIT.
Yah, I said it. Don't believe me? Two words: HALLE BERRY.