I love playing catch up with my girls. Especially when it's over brunch. I ordered the corned-beef hash with wheat toast, hash browns, eggs over easy, and chased it down with 2 cups of coffee 'cuz it was definitely one of those kinda mornings. I forget what she ordered, I just know that I couldn't eat for the next five minutes after she told me she never masturbated before. Yes, that's how we roll at 11:30 Saturday morning 'round here.
Me: You've never masturbated before?
Her: NEVER
Me: WTF do you do when you get horny and can't get dicked down then?
Her: I sleep
Me: YOU POOR THING ... please pass the ketchup
In no way do I think there's anything weird about this (ok maybe just a little), and it's not that I think somethings wrong with her (ok, slightly) ... it's just ... I just ... I mean ... OK REALLY YOU'V NEVER DOUBLE CLICKED THE MOUSE? Like, you never even accidentally brushed up on it while taking a shower and thought, "Ooh that felt kinda questionable?! ..."
Alright, maybe somethings wrong with me and I'm the weirdo for having as much of an issue with this as I do. Maybe I was just a curious little girl growing up. Or maybe I looked through too many of my cousins dirty magazines, and tried too hard to watch in between the lines of those scrambled soft porn shows on cable. Either way, it's not that I think there's anything wrong with this scenario. Nor do I think she's lying. I just totally feel like she's missing out in life lol.
While I feel like nothing beats the real thing in my book (I think I just broke girl code by admitting that btw), rubbin one out yourself comes in a close second. Whether it be with a toy, or my personal fave - manual, playing with yourself is a good stress reliever and it holds you down 'til the next time you see your man. So FEMALE FRIEND WHOSE NAME SHALL REMAIN UNDISCLOSED, LOCK YOUR DOOR, STICK YOUR HAND DOWN YOUR PANTS, AND THINK OF THE LAST TIME YOU GOT FUCKED REAL GOOD AND HANDLE THAT SHIT.
Ladies, I know yall love the D but in all seriousness ... I found the greatest love of all inside of me. It's easy to achieve Learning to love yourself? It is the greatest love of all.
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2 comments:
LMFAO this is the best!!
"Maybe I was just a curious little girl growing up. Or maybe I looked through too many of my cousins dirty magazines, and tried too hard to watch in between the lines of those scrambled soft porn shows on cable."
that was so meeee as a kid! i thought I was just a little hornball but clearly I'm not the only one...lol this post def made my day!
dude. i feel so much better now 'cuz after i posted this, hella of my folks hit me up saying the EXACT same thing. i kept thinking, "i hope i'm not the ONLY one that would flip back up and down a channel hoping to catch a good clean 6 second scene" hahahaha. 'cuz sometimes there'd be a glitch and the fuzzy lines would disappear momentarily hahahaha.
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