Tuesday, August 17, 2010


i want to be mad. i want to be fucking furious right now. over the fact that you aren't texting or calling me. but then i look at the time. and then i remember your schedule. and how i gave you the cold shoulder the past few days. and how i told you i was busy tonight. and how i didn't text you back earlier. and how i plan on never texting you until you text me first. and how i deleted your number (i think this makes it 7 now). and how i'd do things in spite. and how i rather snowboard blindfolded down a black diamond run at Heavenly than tell you how i feel. and how i'm over here playing and dedicating fucked up ass songs to you when all i wanna do is sing, "youuuu blow my miiiiiind. i'm satisfied," while dancing around you. and how i have "insurance." and how i won't just let shit be. and how i won't give us a fair chance. and how i won't let ME be happy. and how i made it a point not to look in your direction or even give you so much as eye contact. and how i put up a front. and i how managed to drink just the right amount of red wine to not give a fuck but still be functional enough to not drunk text you. and how i let everyone else BUT you know how crazy i am for you. how i make plans and pretend to forget to include you in them. and how i force myself to think of other guys like that one guy at the N stop that looked like Boris Kudjoe with Wall St. swag that gave me the eye when really ALL I WANT IS YOU.

and then i think to myself. i wouldn't holler at you either.


Anonymous said...

You seriously take the words right out of my mouth/mind. Amen sista. This is totally me.

janet anne said...

OH GIRL. Exactly how I feel, haha. TO A TEE! Love it. But now curious about the status of YOUUUUR love life ;)

yoshi said...

what's a guy (or friend) gotta do to make you feel safe again??

open your heart, mind and ARMS already!!!

*or else you'll end up in the convent =P

Yesi Jukebox said...

Girl, don't close yourself up! Stop being so afraid of getting hurt by him that instead you do the hurting to yourself. It's okay to like someone (A LOT). Just enjoy it.

youknowwhoitis said...

"do do you have a first aid kit handy"