Monday, March 23, 2009

The OTHER, other Woman.


"Bitch, it's called SELF-esteem"~Katt Williams
Now before you call Mo'Nique, and Queen Latifah to boycott my blog, grab a goddamn doughnut, rest them kankles on an ottoman, and hear me out first.

Above all - I truly believe that despite Hollywood standards and the mass media, everyone has their own ideal conception of what a bangin body is. I for one am definitely not everybody's cup of tea and I'm just fine with that, because quite honestly, I don't want to be like EVERYBODY.

I strongly support feeling comfortable in your own skin and embrace all shapes and sizes of "beauty." From the Beyonce's and Jessica Biehls to the Tocarra's and Kate Hudsons - I appreciate every curve ... and non-curve!

What I DON'T appreciate, is one feeling the need to constantly bash the latter in a meager attempt to validate their own insecurities. Complain about your weight and be proactive about it. Or feel completely fabulous with your weight even if it doesn't meet "society standards." But don't blame the skinny bitch in your bio class for being the reason why YOU are now on a diet, 'cuz more than likely that skinny bitch is having issues too.

When I was in middle school, I had a best friend named Anne who I thought was the epitome of gorgeous. She was tall, slim, and had an inny belly-button. I, on the other hand was short with big legs and gross calves that looked like they belonged on a soccer player. Moreover, I had an outty belly-button so I pretty much considered myself a form of alien. I felt so depressed because I felt guys would never like me and Barbizon would NEVER call me back.

It wasn't until high school that I began to realize that a lot of guys love them some meat on they bones. Guys began to call me "thick," and my best friend Hazel would always tell me how jealous she was of my thighs. Meanwhile, I envied her for her height and especially her tits.

At 27, I still have the same size breast as I did when I was 19. I never felt complete because society places such emphasis on big boobies being synonymous with being a "woman" and I was teetering between a full A and small B. Now that I'm a go-go dancer I find myself constantly feeling like a 9-year old boy when I stand next to girls with double deezys and tiny waists with hips for days. I open the pages of Show Magazine and sigh in disappointment wondering why I wasn't born looking like these girls - and trust these girls AIN'T SKINNY SALAD EATING BITCHES.

And perhaps, that's my main beef (mmm beef) with this issue. Up until a year ago I NEVER dieted. I NEVER watched what I ate. And because I was simply being MYSELF - girls ridiculed me.

"Oh Abi you're so skinny you should eat something"
No bitch, I'm 113 lbs and 5 feet tall I'm just fucking FINE in my book. Don't confuse SKINNY with PETITE and DON'T mistake my kindness for weakness. Tell me wtf u had for lunch and I GUARANTEE my meal was twice ur size. It came to a point where I almost wanted to be overweight just so I wouldn't constantly get harangued 'cuz even back when I gave a fuck and wasn't happy with my self-appearance, I NEVER hated on nobody ... and neither should u.

I know that sounds like a flat out lie when u refer to the beginning of this blog considering I sound like a rude, insensitive, ignorant "skinny bitch," or at least I HOPE I did. Because that's exactly what some of you women sound like when you sadly don't have enough confidence within to exude out.

Don't hate on me 'cuz I can fit a size 2, 'cuz chances are I'm secretly wishing I filled up my jeans the way u do.


DJ CMC said...

thats not mean...shit just got real son!!
jus tell them fat broads to put down the diet coke and the bacon cheese burger!

TganoD said...

carla maria!!!

Team Emily said...

LOVER LOVER LOVERFLY! I didn't know you started a blog! :)


Barbizon bwahahhaha.

Marcy said...

Well, I know this post is freakin olddd but I recently discovered your blog and am reading it like a novel beginning to present! LOL!

I can totally relate to this. People are always telling me to gain weight..saying I'm more? trust me.. I AM a fat kid in a petite *NON SKINNY* body..sigh..people feel self-conscious for different reasons and just because you think someone looks better doesn't mean they can't feel self-conscious too..