For my Hayati.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Tryna Make a Dolla Outta a Quarter Life Crisis.
Current mood: optimistic
Gettin grown is funny as hell.
When I was 11 I wanted to be 13. When I was 13 I wanted to be 16. When I was 16 I wanted to be 18. When I was 18 I wanted to be 21. And when I turned 21, I wanted to stop the hands of time. Now that I'm unwillingly approaching the big 2-5, at times I swear Lord only knows how much I wish I could go back to the days when locker room drama, deciding on baby-names for our sacks of flour, and designing the illest prom dress was the only thing stressful in my life.
Folks at work keep tellin me, "Just wait 'till u turn 30," and it's not that I'm complaining about how old or young I am...it just sucks to have to dread turning another year older to begin with. I mean aren't we supposed to rejoyce another blessed year on Earth?
Then it hit me...I bet bitch-ass Lindsay Lohan don't sulk on her birthday. Neither does P-Diddy. And it ain't 'cuz they rich either, it's 'cuz they doing big thangs. Fuck, if everyday meant achieving one more goal, laughing 3 times more, meeting another postive person, and turning dreams into money I'd be rippin pages outta my calendar too!
So now I'm looking back at my life regretting the fact that I spent so many birthdays wah-ing about all the shit I didn't get to do the year before instead of thinkin of a game plan (and actually following through with it) for the next year.
My homegirl Rachel who passed away back in 2000 was only 18 when she left us but she had just graduated high school and just got back from Hawaii. Yeah I was sad and yeah I cried, but I realized back then that she did more in her 18 years of her life than I did in my 20. And u know what? Almost 5 years later and I still believe that.
Damn the truf hurts. But it's real. Realer than house parties, realer than relationships based on comfort, and realer than MySpace. Until we recognize, realize, and accept our flaws we will never be able to grow. We'll just grow older.
So what the fuck was my point again?
Movers and shakers don't cry that shit's over, they smile 'cuz that shit happened. What did I learn this past year? Stop pointing fingers unless u finna point them to yourself. It's ok to cut people out of your life who don't contribute anything positive to it. Don't slow down for others, let them catch up instead. Talk is cheap, especially when it comes outta your own moufpiece. "If u ain't gettin hated on, then u ain't doin shit" BB$ People finna talk shit anyway so u might as well give them something to talk about. LOVE LIFE. If u don't like the way it's going, change it suckah! And lastly...
Live everyday like it's your mufuckin birthday.
I'm not perfect, so don't think I'm preaching to yall. This blog is mostly for me but yo if it motivates some of yall then good lookin out. I made sooo many mistakes and that's ok as long as u learn from em...and although its way overdue I've finally learned from them. (Yall just don't take too long now!) Yeah these are all things that I'm sure u've heard and already know. But there's a difference between "hearing," and "comprehending," naw mean? And there's a difference between "knowing," and "believing." I used to know what I'd like to do in life, and where I'd want to be, but now I actually believe...well u just wait and see.
I'm a holla back at yall on my 26th birthday with some good news...or maybe I'll be too damn busy makin that yaper and dressin T.I. to update yall.
Just read about it in the paper :o)
The Beautiful Struggle
By Talib Kweli
Release date: 28 September, 2004
*Editors Note* This was written centuries ago before I turned 25. And I didn't even start doing ANY of the things I had planned in 2006 until just a few months ago. EPIC FAIL. So don't feel bad. It's never too late to be the person u want to be.