Wednesday, December 2, 2009

If I were a Boy ...

... even just for a day ...

I definitely wouldn't be singin no goddamn songs about it in no patrol car.

I would however ...

  • Piss standing up. Piss while walking. Piss into a bottle while driving my car. And I'd definitely try to write my name on the wall while pissing in an alley.
  • Get shitface drunk and fuck some ugly bitch with a bangin ass body. Let's see if it's really "all the same with the lights off."
  • Shave my pubes and see if it makes my hoo-hoo look bigger.
  • Get into a fight ... for no reason.
  • Make it rain at the Spearmint Rhino
  • Participate in anything that required extreme athleticism 'cuz I'm hoping that my boy body is a lot more strong and agile than this fragile 'lil frame I'm dealing with right now.
  • Enter an "all u can eat" contest .. and WIN.
  • Test my alcohol tolerance
  • Love to see how it feels to be a proud father holding his newborn baby for the very first time.
  • See how long I could grow out my facial hair before my girlfriend leaves me or stops having sex with me.
  • Free-ball it.
  • Go to the gym and grunt and make funny noises while lifting weights too heavy for me. I've always wanted to do that.
  • Unecessarily grab my balls. I've always wanted to do that too.
  • Play my boys in Call of Duty and talk mad shit about fucking their mothers and make fun about how whooped by their girlfriends they are, almost get into a fight with them, and then call 'em up the next morning to play ball ... and probably talk more shit.
  • I'd wack off at least twice a day (That's for Kaezel lol)
  • Have the BEST fuckin kicks and fitted hats collection because all I'd ever buy were white tees and jeans so I could afford 'em.
  • "Thug 'em, fuck 'em, love 'em, leave 'em. 'Cuz I don't fuckin need 'em. " Have 'em buy me dinner and take me to the LV store. Make 'em expendable. I want to see if it really IS that easy for some dudes to have no feelings or morals ... or heart.


Ladies, what would YOU do? And fellas, how would u flex the power of the p-u-s-s-y if u had one? No homo lol.

3 comments:

an jaeden said...

LOL lmao fuckin HILARIOUS and i agree with all those if i were a boy shit list!

Mike Baker the Bike Maker said...

Let's trade bodies for a week.

Jenille said...

LMFAO! You hit it on point!