WoMans Best Friend

Let me start this off by saying that I am a HUGE animal rights enthusiast, and pit-bull lover. While I would never force my beliefs upon others, I do feel very strongly about them. So if u beg to differ, that's absolutely fine. I don't agree with your face, so we're even. Just don't come at me on some "I don't get it, it's just a dog," booshit or I swear I will unleash the wrath of hell on that ass. Make fun of the way I dress, my hair, the fact that I JUST became a U.S. citizen last year, or even my Twilight obsession (as if u haven't already). But keep the insensitive crazy dog-supporter comments to urself or I will verbally gangbang u 'till the Dr. comes in to sew ur shit up.

*and end scene*

I remember pre-Free (aka pre-pitbull) a friends dog passed away and the entire family took off from work, stayed home from school, and mourned for a good week at the very least. To say I didn't understand what the big deal was is a complete understatement. As I meandered through their living room and came across a family portrait on top of their mantlepiece (with the dog sitting front and center) I remember mouthing the words, "U guys need help."

I know, I AM FOR SHAME.

Because now, I love Free more than I love 75% of the people listed in my cell phone and best believe that if we was stuck in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina that I would've stayed my happy ass behind with that dog floatin on a fucking mattress until someone came back to pick both me AND her up. It's ok guys, it's either u agree with me or u think I'm absolutely nuts. But for those of u in limbo, let me tell u why I personally believe why dog is wo/mans best friend.

1) They love u unconditionally and expect nothing in return except maybe a pat on the head or a ball thrown in their direction every now and then. It's true, canines are the only "dogs" that are loyal. If u are a good master, they will love the shit out of u and never leave u, cheat on u, beat u, or ask for a blow job. U can rant on and on to them about how much u hate ur job, how ur roommate is stealing ur clothes, how small ur boyfriends penis is, or how fly the new LV purses are and they will never roll their eyes at u or complain.

2) THEY THINK UR GOD. Hellllooo, d-o-g is g-o-d spelled backwards ya know. But seriously, to a dog, their owner is the messiah of masters. Ur beautiful, skinny, tall, tanned, flexible, athletic, mufuckin Cleopatra Queen of the Nile to them. U can be in ur flannel pjs with the hole in the croth and bunny slippers, with a clay mask on and rollers in ur hair and they will love u just the same as the night before when people kept callin u Angelina Jolie's younger sister. And ur dog will never, ever tell u ur getting fat.

3) They're reliable. Rain, shine, or snow. Monday, Friday, summer solstice. Ur puppy will ALWAYS be there for u. Even if u accidentally recorded over their favorite football hightlight reel u can guarantee that they will be awaiting ur very return home from work, sitting right by the front door tail wagging, and smiling with their tongue out!

4) They know when something is wrong. Whether it be an intruder in the house, or ur just having a bad day, dogs have more senses than just pee, play, and eat. One day I was crying on the couch and my dog tried to play with me but I was not havin it. Confused, she came closer to me and either saw the expression on my face or saw my tears and she immediately jumped on my lap and began nudging me. I told her, "No Free I don't want to play," and began crying even more. Then, she started to lick my face and I couldn't help but start laughing. I don't think any talk with a friend or bowl of ice-cream could've made me feel better that day.

5) And lastly, even though there are sooo many more reasons - u can never get tired of looking at ur dogs adorable face. Dogs age better than most people lol. I mean, can u seriously go home look into their puppy eyes and say, "I do not love u anymore." I for the life of me could not. I don't think there's ever been a day where I looked at Free and didn't smile, whereas, I can name numerous times I've looked at an ex-boyfriends face and wanted to throw something at them. But this face? I COULD NEVER.


P.S. That lovely specimen of pit-bull beauty is unfortunately not technically mine :( But I was the mommy. I was there when he bought her, drove an hour just to give her a pillow while she was at a kennel, took her to get her first shots, walked her in the middle of the night in the rain so she wouldn't shit on herself, gave her baths in which I got more soaked than she did, cleaned her throw-up everytime she yacked in my car, told her stories, sang her songs, brushed her teeth, kissed her, hugged her, and loved her. So I can't help but refer to her as "mine."