Birthday Suit

And not the one u were born in.

When ur in Vegas especially for ur birthday, u gotta go big or go the fuck home. If I could wear any dress in the world to Naked City tomorrow night it would definitely be this jumper number that Fergie performed in at Outside Lands. I could do without that bicycle streamer looking detail in the boobage area, but I'm willing to overlook that part. It totally screams, "This shit is ridiculous but it's my mufuckin birthday and I'm too drunk to give a shit!" Matter fact, her entire outfit from the long chain earring to the finger gloves was pretty much on point. Let's just hope she doesn't pee in this.

A close runner up is this cage dress as mentioned on fellow WTFly lady Betsey J's blog.

I'm having a total fashiongasm right now looking at this shit. The creativity from some people absolutely amazes me sometimes. As far as what I'm really wearing? U'll just have to wait and see, all I know is it's gonna be hellza cute ;o)

The Fierceness Known as Rihanna

If this bitch gets any more fierce (sorry I been listening to the gays a lot lately) I won't know what to do with myself.

Mental Cleanse

So after 3 of my closest friends made feeble attempts, I decided to hop on the "cleanse" bandwagon. I already knew I had more chances of finding a unicorn in my backyard and riding that bitch to the Philippines than taking on the Master Cleanse so after seeing Rach do a fruit based cleanse, I figured, "I actually like fruit. This could work."

WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.

I started yesterday and gave myself 'till 11:00am today to fold. And sure enough, just like clockwork at 10:59am I suddenly had a craving for kim chee beef fried rice, white tuna ceviche, guacamole and chips, sisig, and crab legs with garlic butter. Oh, and brown sugar with ginger swirl ice cream for dessert. At the very same time one of my bff's gave up on his lemonade cleanse 'cuz he started to get dizzy at work and couldn't function properly, and I'm over here not surprised at all. Feeling dizzy and sluggish and all other sorts of horrible, is our body's way of telling us, "Listen here dipshit. Stop being so goddamn lazy and hit the treadmill or substitute that Thousand Island with a vinegarette instead of drinking lemon juice, water, cayenne pepper, and maple syrup for 14 days u ass, WTF are u doing to me?"

I haven't cheated yet. Matter fact, I'm still working on the ziplock bag of strawberries from breakfast. But as I stuff semi-sweet strawberries in my mouth imagining they taste like Boots 'n Kimos banana pancakes with macadamia nut sauce I can't help but roll my own eyes at myself.

I'm 5 feet tall, and average about 113 lbs and maintain a "normal" BMI. I know other women who are taller than me and weigh less, so by no means am I trying to say I'm fat. But while I know things could be worse, I am not happy with my muscle tone, especially on my tummy. Once again, I am not trying to lose weight. I simply want to lose the fat, and replace it with muscle. If I could gain weight in other places but keep my tummy flat and waist small I would. But we all know it don't work out that way otherwise I'd be packin small C's, and an ass that walks through the door 5 minutes after I do.

The point I'm trying to get at is; I don't need this cleanse shit. And in my opinion, every single person I know that's tried it didn't need it either. I've been blessed with good genes and a freakishly fast metabolism so although it's not as good as it used to be all I really need to do is run the lake maybe 3 days a week to counter my Hungry Man appetite, orrr simply eat smaller portions to counter my allergic reaction to the gym. Simple as that. If I would just stfu with all my excuses and learn some discipline I wouldn't be eating strawberries right now knowing damn well I'm bout to beast it on some chicken tiki masala type shit at lunch.

I think cleanses are a good way to flush out ur body and rid them of toxins, but I wouldn't suggest it to those trying to lose weight. A mental cleanse is needed for those who genuinely aren't happy with themselves and want to lose weight and live a healthier life. I give major props to those who actually do the cleanse, stick to it, and see results.

But as for myself, I rather substitute the cayenne pepper with discipline, and the lemon juice with motivation. My God that sounds corny huh? Well whatever, all I'm sayin is a cleanse is not for me. But my motivation? For my future kids (and their friends haha) to look at me the way I look at my mom: energetic, healthy, and full of life even 20 years from now. Being able to wear a bikini and still look hot in it at 48 is an extra plus! And if u still insist on doing a cleanse or some sort of diet, I suggest the apple vinegar cleanse, Fergie tested and cousin Steve approved.

Now please excuse me while I figure out what to do with all the damn fruit in my fridge.

TGIF - Things I Will NEVER Understand Edition

• Colored contacts on Asian and Filipina women (esp. purple, blue, green, and grey. and only because yall look so much more beautiful WITHOUT that shit)
• LARPers
• 
  
• Moreover:

• Skinny bitches who insist on calling themselves fat and fat bitches that insist on calling themselves thick. IT IS WHAT IT IS. Own that shit or do sumthn about it!
• 30+ year old dudes that go to the club and front like they 25 knowing damn well they got a receding hairline under that Kangol
• The phenomenon known as Ed Hardy
• Why Clay Aiken felt the need to come outta the closet. Honey-child, we knew before u did but good lookin out
• Hair in ur ass crack, WHY GOD WHY? I mean, it serves absolutely NO purpose!
• If this is true, freaks of the world now u can grab a pack of stoges AND ur used school girl panties all at the same time woot woot!

• 2 Girls, 1 Cup
• The pen tool in Illustrator and Photoshop
• Lipstick lesbians who only date butch ass dykes or gay men who only date trannies - umm hellooo??!!
• People who order a non-fat, sugar free, soy latte with whipped cream on top

Please feel free to share your own list!!

Fashion Friday - Just Kickin It

*Le Sigh* I wish.

Just Kickin It by Hot.Sizzle featuring Alexander McQueen accessories

It's My Party and I'll Cry if I Want To

There are two times out of the year, where I start to feel really, really depressed. Valentine's Day isn't one of them. I actually love most holidays; Easter, Labor Day, Halloween. But it pretty much goes downhill after Thanksgiving. However, nothing compares to the self-loathe I feel that starts right about this time every year.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE birthdays ... just not my own. If I'm not crying over the fact that I've wasted yet another year of my life, I'm worrying about people either not showing up or not having fun at my party - so I rather not have one at all.

In an attempt to resolve this love/hate relationship with my birthday in the past, I've traveled. For as long as I can remember, I've went out of town for my birthday. Vegas, New York, Hawaii, Vegas again, Hawaii again, and then just last year, Puerto Rico. It's kinda like cheating. I get to party without any stress or pressure. I know, I know. There shouldn't be stress or pressure period. And ur absolutely right. But this is an 8 year disease in the making, so bare with me 'cuz if shit was easier done than said I wouldn't have half the inspiration for the posts on this blog.

Up until today I had not planned anything this year. I mostly went over the possibility of locking myself in my room, and hiding in the closet until my birthday was over and it was just a plain old, ordinary Thursday. Then, because I'm such a fucking coward, I booked a 22 hour trip to Vegas like a crazy person. And while I know I'll probably have a blast I still feel slightly horrible inside. Because my caring friends, and my concerned mom are all telling me that everything will be OK and to calm the fuck down, but I for the life of me CAN'T. So amidst my mini-anxiety attack at work, I came across this: 100 Ways to Live a Better Life.

And I swear it hit me like Rampage Jackson.

I highly suggest checking out that link, some of the best advice EVER. The funny thing is, none of this is new to me. I've read excerpts similar and have had friends tell me these exact things. But I guess the exact right words at the exact right time can work wonders on ur soul. I took lunch shortly after and it was amazingly yet oddly beautiful outside and I already felt somewhat better. Some of u might think I'm being dramatic, or call me a whiner. Make whatever assumptions u want. But the last thing I want people to think is that I'm ungrateful. I know that not many people have friends or family to celebrate with, what more live to celebrate their 28th. I know that instead of complaining over what I didn't do this last year, I should be thankful for what I did do and focus on what I'm going to do in the year to come. But mostly, I know that instead of complaining over who doesn't show up, I should instead be thankful for those who do.

Like I said, this birthday slump disease is something I've been infected with for more than 8 years now so there won't be any overnight revelations going on. But like #21 on that list says: "Be better, Not Perfect."

Twilight Under the Influence

I used to raise an eyebrow in the prescence of "Trekkies," and make fun of LARPers, 'cuz I mean COME ON. But ever since I've become obsessed with Twilight, I've been following the "To each his/her own," creed to a T ... (even though I secretly still think yall are fucking crazy.)

As u all should know by now, I am "unconditionally and irrevocably in love" with all things Twilight, and write for WTForks.com with 4 of the most awesome ladies you'll ever meet. A few weeks ago, me and Rach, the Bay Area WTForkers threw a movie screening along with Hellz and Boogie at 111 Minna in the city. What started off with cupcake slave labor, a goodie bag sweat shop, empty wallets, high blood pressure, and a 33 gallon tub of white-chocolate-chex-mix, ended in 40+ WTForks?! readers coming through, the BEST movie snacks ever, an intense game of trivia, nut on Rach's pants, Africa on mine, a crackin ass capacity hit after-party with a surprise visit from Too Short, extremely happy men who were in awe of the pussy-control Edward Cullen has on females, a 17 hour hangover, and a 33 gallon tub of white-chocolate-chex-mix.

And now that I am no longer throwing up or shitting out toxins, I can finally say that ultimately: GOOD FUCKING TIMES.

Peep the rest of the pics here, and stay tuned for more debauchery in the months to come.

See u in my Birthday Suit!

FUCK ME NOW.

Oh Christian, ur such a naughty, naughty boy.

All Falls Down.

I just wanted to let everybody know, that every once and while it's OK to fall apart. It happens to the best of us.

NOTHING is Original

Oh Nas, how I love thee. Let me count the ways ...

"No ideas original, theres nothin new under the sun, Its never what you do, but how its done ..."

The Past Does Not Exist

Dear Abi,

My boyfriend broke up with me for the second time in 4 months. We kind of went back into the whole dating stage, and a little later we got back together. After a month and a half of being together again, he broke it off again and said "I don't know what to do in this relationship anymore, I'm not happy anymore" We went out for 4 and half years. At first, I thought it would be okay to be friends. But we have mutual friends, we hang out with the same people. I was his best friend before we went out for 4 years, I'm his 7th girlfriend, I've been around for all of his other girlfriends, helped him through all of it. I decided to text him one day and tell him that no matter how we say we are friends, its never going to be the same, we don't act upon being friends then why bother. He replies with a "I understand, but it would be great if we can be friends and talk in the future, take care of yourself, hope to see you around sometimes, SMILE!"

But what it is I don't know what to do is how to handle me and my exboyfriend. I realize that we got to the end of the road of me and him and there's nothing more to it. But for some reason I feel like I'm still holding onto something because he's still constantly in my thoughts, the past, sometimes the what ifs, what could've would've should've been shit.

Thanks,
The X-Factor

Oh probecita. Can I just give u a virtual hug right now, 'cuz this hits way too close to home and I am more than sympathetic. The fact of the matter is - u can't be "friends" with someone u deeply care about, moreover someone u love and have such a long history with. And quite frankly, y would u even want to? This doesn't mean hate him, bad mouth him, and throw rocks at him when yall 2 cross paths. That's not necessary and takes up way too much energy u could be putting towards more positive and productive things. Besides, u wouldn't mean any of it anyway. But really sit down and ask urself, "Can I be platonic friends with this man, they way I am for my other guy friends or even homegirls?" Do u think at this point in ur lives, that as friends yall 2 could get shit face with each other and NOT hook up? If he fell deeply in love with someone else tomorrow, could u genuinely be happy for him and not wish it was u instead? If the answer is honestly YES then God bless u child, I should be writing u instead. But if it's NO, then at least for the time being u really need to try and distance urself. One might think, "No, that's running away from the problem." And in a sense, it's true. U should be able to just face it up front and then learn to get over it. But for me, that only prolongs things. I dealt with it by completely cutting the ex and anything related to him out of my life. Changed my phone #, deleted him and his friends from my buddy list/MySpace/Cell phone/etc. IT HURT. A LOT. But it was necessary. It's hard especially since yall have so much history. But for now u have to embed this in ur brain - THE PAST DOES NOT EXIST. Which is complete and utter booshit because memories make us who we are, BUT the more u say it the more u will believe it. The more u believe it, the more it will make sense. And the more it will make sense, u will no longer use the "past" as an excuse to torture urself by attempting to be "friends" with ur ex in the present. Don't worry if the next time he calls u and u stare at ur phone and tell urself, "Do not pick up, do not pick up," and then u pick up. Completely understandable. But let me leave u with something from another blog so u know that u are not alone, so that WE know we are not alone:

"lets take a take step back. to the ex. you know when you want something to work so bad cause it did for so long, but it clearly doesn’t anymore. and you think ok it worked before so lets go back. well we tried a few times but life is about moving forward, not backwards."

Life is also about not being STAGNANT. So don't think that just because ur not going backwards, it's ok to be STUCK. Whatever u do, do it at ur own pace. There's no doubt in my mind u 2 could be friends again eventually, but right now it's just all too fresh. Who knows, yall 2 might even get back together in the future. Orrr, u may find love elsewhere. The girl I quoted above found it again, and so did I.

Virgos Stand Up!

The 23rd of August marks the first day of the Virgo reign and lasts 'till September 22nd. A big hooty-hoo goes out to my fellow Virgos out there! Happy birthday Tee, Dione, Darrell, Bern, Hazel, and Lou. And to my lovely readers Arielle, Connie, and Nicole (although I'm not sure if ur a Virgo or a Libra but wuteva lol). Some famous Virgos out there are Keanu Reeves, Beyonce, Dave Chapel, Tim Burton, Jada Pinkett Smith, Nicole Ritchie, and Cameron Diaz.

This brings me to Inked 2 of 14, I got this tat when I turned 25. The tat itself is pretty simple, but it's the meaning that's important to me. It's dice with the numbers 9 on one and 2 on the other, it's ok people never get it right the first time. (p.s. the pic is backwards). Turning 25 is pretty traumatic to most, and I was no exception. The tat represents the fact that every day is a gamble. Moreover, that at the age of 25 it was time I started taking chances in my life and stop being scared. Needless to say, I'm still working on it.

I have a lot of upcoming projects and I cannot wait till everything comes into fruition and I can finally share it with yall. Stay tuned :)

Say What?! - TGIF Edition

• Dear readers of the world, You have not lived until u've stopped by Bi-Rite Creamery in San Francisco. I am totally kicking myself in the ass for not knowing about this place until now when I've lived in the city for 25 years. All their ice-cream is homemade right upstairs fromt heir store front with all natural ingredients. Softer than ice-cream but harder than gellato and ultimately - HEAVEN ON EARTH. I kid u not, WWII would've never happened had Germany and the US just sat down and duked it out on a chess board over some BROWN SUGAR w/ GINGER SWIRL, CREME FRAICHE, and SALTED CARAMEL ice cream, I PROMISE.
• Can't wait for Mary dinner tonight at Front Porch! Fried green tomatoes, spicy shrimp with gritz, and a nice tall glass of cold IPA coming right up!
• Damn, my first 2 bullets were all about food
• Tat consultation with the amaaazingly talented Henry Lewis this Sat. at The Skull and Sword. Fuck what u heard, Henry is the bees knees and has done 3 of my other pieces. I highly suggest him and George Camprise (formally of Everlasting as well, and now currently with a residency at Seventh Son Tattoo) if u want QUALITY body art done.
• Trying to convince myself that I don't need this:

• Or this:

• I really, REALLY need to get my nails did.
• Yesterday I started spazzin and embarked on yet another latter-quarter-life crisis. The thought of working admin for the rest of my life set me in full anxiety attack mode at work. And then I took a deep breath, and Mama Mary gave me a virtual shake and told me to stop trying to do everything at once. But it's so hard because I feel like if I focus on one thing, I'll miss an opportunity with the other. All in all I started discouraged and scared. So when I finally stopped hyperventilating, I took off my hoops, smeared on that vaseling, tied my hair in a bun, and put up my dukes in an attempt to fuck fear up. 'Cuz fear is the enemy of success. Needless to say, I'm feeling better today (ooh I should be a rapper).
• "Good things come to those who wait, But they come faster to those who don't"
  

WoMans Best Friend

Let me start this off by saying that I am a HUGE animal rights enthusiast, and pit-bull lover. While I would never force my beliefs upon others, I do feel very strongly about them. So if u beg to differ, that's absolutely fine. I don't agree with your face, so we're even. Just don't come at me on some "I don't get it, it's just a dog," booshit or I swear I will unleash the wrath of hell on that ass. Make fun of the way I dress, my hair, the fact that I JUST became a U.S. citizen last year, or even my Twilight obsession (as if u haven't already). But keep the insensitive crazy dog-supporter comments to urself or I will verbally gangbang u 'till the Dr. comes in to sew ur shit up.

*and end scene*

I remember pre-Free (aka pre-pitbull) a friends dog passed away and the entire family took off from work, stayed home from school, and mourned for a good week at the very least. To say I didn't understand what the big deal was is a complete understatement. As I meandered through their living room and came across a family portrait on top of their mantlepiece (with the dog sitting front and center) I remember mouthing the words, "U guys need help."

I know, I AM FOR SHAME.

Because now, I love Free more than I love 75% of the people listed in my cell phone and best believe that if we was stuck in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina that I would've stayed my happy ass behind with that dog floatin on a fucking mattress until someone came back to pick both me AND her up. It's ok guys, it's either u agree with me or u think I'm absolutely nuts. But for those of u in limbo, let me tell u why I personally believe why dog is wo/mans best friend.

1) They love u unconditionally and expect nothing in return except maybe a pat on the head or a ball thrown in their direction every now and then. It's true, canines are the only "dogs" that are loyal. If u are a good master, they will love the shit out of u and never leave u, cheat on u, beat u, or ask for a blow job. U can rant on and on to them about how much u hate ur job, how ur roommate is stealing ur clothes, how small ur boyfriends penis is, or how fly the new LV purses are and they will never roll their eyes at u or complain.

2) THEY THINK UR GOD. Hellllooo, d-o-g is g-o-d spelled backwards ya know. But seriously, to a dog, their owner is the messiah of masters. Ur beautiful, skinny, tall, tanned, flexible, athletic, mufuckin Cleopatra Queen of the Nile to them. U can be in ur flannel pjs with the hole in the croth and bunny slippers, with a clay mask on and rollers in ur hair and they will love u just the same as the night before when people kept callin u Angelina Jolie's younger sister. And ur dog will never, ever tell u ur getting fat.

3) They're reliable. Rain, shine, or snow. Monday, Friday, summer solstice. Ur puppy will ALWAYS be there for u. Even if u accidentally recorded over their favorite football hightlight reel u can guarantee that they will be awaiting ur very return home from work, sitting right by the front door tail wagging, and smiling with their tongue out!

4) They know when something is wrong. Whether it be an intruder in the house, or ur just having a bad day, dogs have more senses than just pee, play, and eat. One day I was crying on the couch and my dog tried to play with me but I was not havin it. Confused, she came closer to me and either saw the expression on my face or saw my tears and she immediately jumped on my lap and began nudging me. I told her, "No Free I don't want to play," and began crying even more. Then, she started to lick my face and I couldn't help but start laughing. I don't think any talk with a friend or bowl of ice-cream could've made me feel better that day.

5) And lastly, even though there are sooo many more reasons - u can never get tired of looking at ur dogs adorable face. Dogs age better than most people lol. I mean, can u seriously go home look into their puppy eyes and say, "I do not love u anymore." I for the life of me could not. I don't think there's ever been a day where I looked at Free and didn't smile, whereas, I can name numerous times I've looked at an ex-boyfriends face and wanted to throw something at them. But this face? I COULD NEVER.


P.S. That lovely specimen of pit-bull beauty is unfortunately not technically mine :( But I was the mommy. I was there when he bought her, drove an hour just to give her a pillow while she was at a kennel, took her to get her first shots, walked her in the middle of the night in the rain so she wouldn't shit on herself, gave her baths in which I got more soaked than she did, cleaned her throw-up everytime she yacked in my car, told her stories, sang her songs, brushed her teeth, kissed her, hugged her, and loved her. So I can't help but refer to her as "mine."

Alone, but not Lonely

It's been roughly 2 weeks since I've started sleeping back home.

In my own in-law.

In my own bedroom.

And in my own bed.

Usually at this time, I'd be a mess. Which I am, but in an entirely different sense.

It's quiet except for the soft flutter of the heater as it goes on and off in 5 minute intervals. It's pitch-black except or the light my laptop's monitor gives out. And my hair is still wet from the unnecessarily long shower I took about an hour ago.

These are all things I'd normally overlook and not give a flying fuck about, but because I'm now alone, I pay attention to the most miniscule details and littlest of things and in a strange way - appreciate them. Because 5 years ago, shit, even 5 months ago, I did not know what "alone" was. Nor did I want to know. I was scared of it. I detested it. I did everything I possibly could to be on the opposite side of the spectrum away from it.

But then for the first time in my entire life I said to myself, "I think I'm better off alone."

WOW. For real?

I guess I'm a mess because in the past, I only pretended to be ok with this. I tricked myself into agreeing with it, and forced myself to accept it. Which sometimes is just something u have to do. "Fake it 'till u make it," right? But just know that everyone's wounds heal at a different rate so until one genuinely believes they are ok with being alone - no matter how many parties they attend or lunch dates they have scheduled, the loneliness will always be there.

And I ain't sayin to go lock urself in ur room and make friends with the 4 walls of ur closet. I'm not sayin disable ur Facebook, delete ur MySpace, and change ur number. No need to drop off the face of the Earth, change jobs, move to a different city, and isolate urself from the world. All I'm sayin is learn to be alone and not lonely.

U don't even have to like it. But once u achieve it, trust me u'll find a positive side to it. And once u find a positive side to it, u'll love it. Because that means the worst part is over and u will then be affirmed that the "alone" part was only meant to be temporary. Cliches are a bitch but "Without the sour, the sweet just ain't as sweet baby." If u cannot appreciate being alone, u will never fully be able to unselfishly let another person be a part of ur life and be a part of theirs.

So finally, nearly 10 years after my first real relationship, I have finally accepted the inevitable. Because asides from all that spiritual self-empowerment mumbo-jumbo, the truf isss u just can't have someone be there for u all the fucking time! Even the most awesome of friends and family will let go of ur hand, and that's exactly what makes them awesome. 'Cuz they know that nobody can help u, unless u help urself. It's almost God's fucked up way of testing us. And Lord knows I've failed this one many, many, many times. I'm like a 27-year-old super senior in h.s. at this point. But like my girl Rach always says, "Progress not perfection."

It's ok to have a lonely moment every now and then. We're only human. I slip ALL THE TIME. Honestly, I did right before I wrote this blog lol. 'Cuz come on, who doesn't want to have someone fill that empty side of the bed? Just know that being alone is only as lonely as u make it. And right now I'm taking up the entire bed laying in mufuckin starfish position at night, making angels in the snow while I sleep, and enjoying my space.

Death Becomes Her.

Dear Readers,

I am still drunk from last night. Saltine crackers and Gatorade are the body of Christ for me right now. I'm never, ever drinking again. I know I said that 2 weekends ago, but I swear I mean it this time. Until my hair stops hurting and the brightness of the sun doesn't make me want to DIE, I will be on a writing hiatus until my brain can normally function again. Thanks for reading.

Love,

Me

P.S. If u see an angry little liver around 111 Minna, please give it back to me, thnx.

Liquid Swords

So I had an entire blog all about *cringe* FEET (and my dislike for them) in the works for yall but have decided to put that on hold since being tipped by an anonymous commenter (good lookin!) about a potential plagiarism act. Lord I wish I had paid more attention when my journalism class covered this part of the curriculum, instead of playing MASH and daydreaming.

So, where do I begin 'cuz either I'm having an absolute brain shart, or have too much to say and can't organize my thoughts. Today, it's the latter.

*big exhale aaand begin*

Whether or not u agree, I like to consider myself a writer. I kept a Judy Jetson diary in middle school (that got me in a lot of trouble w/ moms btw), wrote poems for friends, penned rhymes, dabbled into spoken word, got my BA in Journalism, and absolutely LOVE writing essays. But whatever, that's nothing. What I believe justifies my title as a "writer," is the simple fact that I am able to evoke emotion to my readers in the most pure, natural, and unforced way because everything I write comes straight from the heart.

I remember before all the blog hoopla when MySpace had JUST started, I would read random quotes on people's pages, print them out, and tape them to my mirror. So that during my most difficult times I could get ready in the morning and remind myself that I am "Too blessed to be stressed," and that "When you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere," etc. etc. A reading entitled "Balcony seats," is still one of my favorite pieces till this very day. Whenever I would read something that made me laugh, cry, or give me some sort of empowerment I would just think to myself, "God I wish I could hug whoever wrote this and thank them for it." Which is why it's so humbling to receive all these wonderful comments from everybody. It's almost weird in a sense, because the only reason I can say all of these things is because I've experienced most of them. I am not better than anyone else - WE ARE ALL THE SAME. I've made sooo many fucked up decisions in my life - TRUST. But luckily, they make for great writing lol.

Dude. WHAT THE FUCK WAS MY POINT AGAIN?

Oh yah, it has come to my attention that someone has jacked one of my blogs and altered a few words here and there in an attempt to make it their own. I understand that many people share the same thoughts, and one persons words may inspire another to write some of their own. People reblog my shit all the time, it's flattering I'm not gonna lie. I reblog other people's work as well. No biggie. BUT I ALWAYS MAKE SURE TO GIVE CREDIT WHEN IT'S DUE.

I don't want to talk shit (for once lmao) and I urge u not to either (*ahem* marys) because that would give this person even more undeserved credit, and maybe just maybe it was unintentional or not even a big deal to them. But lemme just say for lack of better words - "Shit ain't cool."
As a writer, I spill my soul to the world and invest my thoughts in every pen - er - key stroke, so I could never steal someone's shit and pass it off as mine. Definitely not intentionally at least. Even if nobody else knew I would know, and it just wouldn't feel the same. I wouldn't be able to read some of these comments and feel that genuine "giddy" feeling inside.

So please just know that real will always recognize real. And I'm glad yall have recognized this blog. It's like my baby, who would've never been born had my Hayati not bullied my lazy ass into creating. And seriously folks excuse me for sounding like a cheeseball best believe that just as much as yall say I inspire you, YOU inspire me more.

Come and Chill with a Virgo

Just when I thought it was safe to post a birthday wish list because I only had 5 items on it Lawn announces her fall line for Hellz Bellz. There goes a months rent. I'll be homeless all of September, but at least I'll look steezy beggin for spare change.

My favorite pieces from the line.




The Sims 3 for Mac


American Apparel Loose Crop Tee

Hello Kitty Laptop Case
(They don't sell it anymore on Sanrio.com though wah)


Crooks and Castles Cardigan
(It's not out yet but hopefully it will be before my bday :)


The following is the ONLY thing I'm asking people to get me if they were planning on getting me a gift. It's honsetly the most important thing on my list, a donation in any (some sites suggest $50-$250 but please don't believe the hype. I only do $25 when I donate, EVERY little bit helps!) amount made in my name for one of the following charities.

SPCA


WWF
(My fave are the polar-bears!)


Animals, because they're innocent creatures who didn't ask us to destroy their homes and put them on an endangered species list. Oh, and because Pit Bulls are one of the most loving and loyal animals on the planet when raised in a nurturing home. And I gives a flying fuck if u beg to differ so don't even bother trying to argue.

Cancer Resarch Funds
National Brain Tumor Society in memory of my Uncle Floyd Barsana

or

The National Breast Cancer Foundation

Why cancer amidst all the other health epidemics in the world? Because asides from lung cancer caused by smoking, there is no sure way to avoid cancer. Even a healthy lifestyle and slathering on layers and layers of sunscreen does not guarantee ur safe. Cancer strikes 1 in 3 people. I've known 9 people in my life to have a cancer scare and 3 of them have died.

Lather, Rinse, and Repeat

As seen on An Jaeden's blog

500 Days of Summer

After watching 500 Days of Summer Friday night, all my assumptions have been confirmed.

Every woman - no matter how jaded, hurt, or bitter. Every woman - no matter how confident or independent they are, wants to mean the world to another person and be genuinely loved. And no matter how much they may dispute, how much they may boast, or how high the walls around their heart may be, deep down inside they want to love that person back with just the same intensity.

I don't care who the fuck u think or say u are.

Some women may not be as vocal about it. Some may even deny it. And every woman has their own ideal about the meaning of true love. But regardless of all the differences, all women want to experience being in love at one point in their life. And if not ALL women, a good 95% of them. It may not be their #1 priority, hell it may not even be their #10 priority, but somewhere down that long bucket list of to do's and goals is "Fall helplessly, selflessly, unconditionally, spontaneously, irrevocably, inconveniently, head over heels, shout on the top of a mountain top IN LOVE ... even if it's written in the tiniest writing.

Even the most cynical of cynics can be easily swayed when they meet the right person. For instance, I know of this chick who brusied and beaten from past loves gone wrong, swore she hated the idea of a relationship and to some may have even come off as a "man-hater." She was intelligent, beautiful, talented, and married to the hustle. But I couldn't help but "pshh," everytime I'd hear one of her anti-love rants 'cuz she sounded exactly like me 3-4 years ago, which is why I knew she was woofin. But I was also empathetic 'cuz I knew that tryna be a "hard rock when u really are a gem" defense mechanism all too well. Next thing u know she's engaged with a baby on the way.

TRUE STORY.

Perhaps Will Smith explained it best in the movie Hitch when he stated:

"Basic Principles - no woman wakes up saying "God, I hope I don't get swept
off my feet today!" Now, she might say "This is a really bad time for me," or
something like "I just need some space," or my personal favorite "I'm really
into my career right now." You believe that? Neither does she. You know why?
'Cause she's lying to you, that's why. You understand me? Lying! It's not a bad
time for her. She doesn't need any space. And she may be into her career, but
what she's really saying is "Uh, get away from me now," or possibly "Try harder,
stupid," but which one is it? 60% of all human communication is nonverbal, body
language; 30% is your tone, so that means 90% of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth. Of course she's going to lie to you! She's a nice person! She
doesn't want to hurt your feelings! What else she going to say? She doesn't even
know you... yet. Luckily, the fact is that just like the rest of us, even a
beautiful woman doesn't know what she wants until she sees it, and that's where
I come in. My job is to open her eyes. Basic Principles - no matter what, no
matter when, no matter who... any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet; he just needs the right broom."

So the next time a woman uses one of the above and then some excuses with u, don't get mad, because more than likely she's indeed telling the truth. She is really busy; engulfed by her fledgeling career, and enjoying her me time. Remember, one must love themselves before they can truly love another. But the fact of the matter is, no one is ever too busy. She's just too busy for YOU. Even the President of the United States makes time everyday to have dinner with his wife and kids. She does believe in love (even if she doesn't know it yet) she just isn't in love with you.

It Ain't Nothin but Hip-Hop Music

Along with Rach, Michelle, Cus and every other hip-hop loving soul in the Bay Area, I attended the last leg of the Rock the Bells tour yesterday at the Shoreline Amphitheater. After being un-prepared last year, we got there around 2:30-3pm full off of Kalua Pork w/ Cabbage from the ride but still toting the MOST snacks ever: strawberries, grapes, string cheese, 3 different kinds of chips, masuibi, and Capri-Suns, to hold us down for rest of the day. Found a dope spot at the very front of the lawn smack-dab center stage courtesy of Ferl and company (good lookin!) and set up shop. Nothing but food, beer, sun, friends, and ear candy the rest of the night!


I unfortunately never made it to the Paid Dues stage because it was too crowded to stretch out my legs, what more walk through thousands of people but I was fortunate enough to catch Super Nat, House of Pain (not really feelin that La Coka Nostra, sorry I'm just not that angry of a person lol), Slick Rick, Reflection Eternal, The Roots, Big Boi, Busta Rhymez, Damian Marley, and my personal fave - Nas.


Super Nat, who ever since '98 will always be the undisputed freestyle champ of the world (sorry Juice ur next) in my eyes did his usual rhyme'n 'bout random objects given to him on stage off the top. Slick Rick wasn't even on the roster so I was pleasantly surprised to see him and his chains on stage doing the classics (even though he kept saying "Wassup San Jose!"). And what I respect the most about Slick Rick is the fact that even though he's such an old school icon, he is still open to the "new school" folks and respects their hustle. Reflection Eternal, I believe was next and I really wish I had a bleezy in hand to pass when he did that Kanye Get 'em High track but I didn't, so instead I got lost in the zone when they performed my fave track, The Blast. (This pic of Talib is for my girl Gail haha neener-neener!)

Next up is one of my favorite bands ever, The Roots. As much as I love the art of DJing, nothing can compare to live instruments and talented musicians. Black Thought and the gang did an everlasting set that entertained me enough to almost forgive Common for his no-show - althought they didn't play my fave Roots song, Act Too Love of my Life. Then came Big Boi who definitely pulled his weight even without Andre by his side. He even did a few samples from his upcoming album which sounds like CRACK, and I ain't even a huge Big Boy fan! Also ... he announced that OUTKAST has an album coming out, I cannot wait! Busta Rhymez was next and what can I say? He's already loud and large on tv so what more live? I kid u not, all of us were laying on our banigs when his John Jacob Jingle Heimer Smith ass came out on stage and scared us into standing up his entire set. Dun near had a seizure and shit. We all needed a nap after his performance. I absolutely loved his energry, and even though he's not even on my top 5 list of fave emcees he's def up there as top 5 entertainers.


Lastly, was the main event - a sort of duet performnce between Nas and Damian Marley to promote their upcoming album Distant Relatives. I'm a huge reggae fan but I ain't even gonna front the only Damian Marley song I knew prior to last night was Jam Rock. However, reggae always puts me in a chill mode and that's exactly how I felt. I love the idea of intertwining their performances together, after all, Hip-Hop stemmed from Reggae. However, I think I would've enjoyed it more had they had their own seperate stage time. There's just certain Nas tracks that only work on it's own with its' original beat and not mashed up with something else. I will say though - hearing Nas perform One Love and then hearing it transistion into Damian performing his father's song One Love was LEGENDARY to say the least. I literally felt chills.

We left early so I didn't catch much of Nas's solo act but I saw him last year so I'm sure it was just as illmatic if not more. I would be sad about it, but by doing so we beat an hour wait in the parking lot and got home in no time. All in all, I'll leave u with something The Rula said after playing some Jim Jones and Shawty Low.

"Ain't nothing wrong with new school, just don't forget about the old school."

Now Ricky Walters how can I forget my first (musical) love?

No Take-Backs

Why is there always time to do it over, but never time to do it right?

If Love Was Enough

Whoever said "love is all u need," must not have been in a relationship.

'Cuz if love were enough. I'd still be with him. And he'd still be with her. And she'd be with him ... and u'd probably still be with her. They'd be married by now, they would've never broke up. And they wouldn't be filing for divorce.

If love were enough, there'd be no chocolate covered strawberries, over-sized balloons and heart shaped Valentine's or red and white teddy-bears. There'd be no "I'm sorry," bouquets or late night dedications on the radio. And Boys II Men would've never had to get down On Bended Knee.

If love were enough, there wouldn't be lonely Friday nights with nothing to do and no one to kiss and no necks to smell and no arms to hug and no nooks to fill. No empty rooms or cold sides of the bed. No tear soaked pillows and more houses would be homes. The months would feel like weeks. The weeks would fly by. The days wouldn't drag. The hours wouldn't stand still. The minutes would pass. And the seconds wouldn't kill - If love were ever enough.

If love were enough, I would've been the key to lock all ur insecurities. Sex wouldn't matter and kisses would suffice. Text messages, emails, instant messages, voicemails, picture captions, or status comments wouldn't mean a thing. A hello would mean hello and not "Let's go out on a date," and a goodbye would mean goodbye, and not "See u later tonight."

If love were enough you wouldn't care right now. Where he goes or who she talks to. What he's doing or who just made her laugh. Why he gets lined up every week now and why she suddenly started going to the gym. U wouldn't look outside ur window hoping her car will be there and u wouldn't open ur front door seeing his imaginary face.

If love were enough, it wouldn't hurt so bad. Matter fact, it wouldn't hurt at all. You wouldn't ever need to understand or compromise or swallow ur pride or take something back or feel bitter, disrespected, or betrayed. Life wouldn't seem so unfair and shit would JUST FUCKING WORK OUT for once. Things would be so simple. You wouldn't have to worry about taking sides, or mutual friends, child custody battles, joint accounts, or the puppy u left behind. Her clothes wouldn't be strewn all over ur room, and his scent wouldn't linger in the air - If love were enough.

The past wouldn't exist and the future would be irrelevant if love were enough.
You wouldn't envy that couple, u'd BE that couple if love were enough.
"I'm done," and "I can't do this anymore," and "We can work this out," and "Please don't leave me" and "What am I going to do now?" wouldn't exist if love were enough.
We'd still be best friends if love were enough.
I wouldn't be writing this if love were enough.
You wouldn't be reading this if love were enough.
But. Love is never enough.

Dreaming With A Broken Heart

Today one of my bestest friends said, "You're supposed to be the strong one," and with that I completely fell apart.

Camera Phone

Dear Abi,

First off. Your blog is the shizz. I swear you keep me dyin laughin at work. Thank you! Ok, so my question is I like this guy and I feel like he likes me.But "officially" he is single and can do what he wants and same as I. But I'm not no dumb fee (at least I think I'm not). So I would always tell him he has major groupies and hoes etc. So last month I went to visit him (he lives in San Jose and me in LA). And one night after the club we were drunk or whatever and I glanced at his phone and saw like hella pics of these chicks. I was in there too cuz I sent him pics of me too. And he tells me the pics are of girls he used to mess with. But I'm like why would you even keep them if you say you wanna wife me?? And he tells me they dont matter and stuff. Am I trippin? He sounds super suspect. I don't want to be a dumb fee and let him play me like Boo Boo the Foo. Plus he lives hella far from me. God knows what he be doin.

Signed,
No Boo Boo the Foo

First OFF, let me start off by saying thank u, u r fabulous Boo Boo. Now sit down and momentarily brace urself.

HE'S PLAYIN UR ASS. RUN FOR THE HILLS. MAKE THAT THE HOLLYWOOD HILLS ANYWHERE NOT IN SAN JOSE.

That's what I first said to myself right after I read ur email. Now that I got that offa my chest, I can be rational and attempt to give Mister Man the benefit of the doubt. In my opinion, it can be hard trying to maintain a relationship PERIOD, so what more when the people involved live hundreds of miles away from each other? I've known people who live with their significant others and still get played so just know that my red flag is up for a reason. However, the bottom line here as u stated urself is: he is single. U'd like to think that even though ur not technically bf and gf, he'd still be considerate towards ur feelings and treat u as if yall were together ... but yall ain't. If sumthn ever went down, he can and will pull the "y u trippin, u ain't even my girl," card on u. I used to "mess" with this dude and slept over his house one night to find mad girl products in his bathroom, I'm talkin Skintimate shaving gel, a PINK razor, the works. What he tell me? "Oh, my sister stopped by." To what? To take a shower? Git the fuck outta here! But when it came down to it, I couldn't say SHIT. 'Cuz who was I? Def not a bootycall but at the same time def not his girlfriend so really, it ain't none of my biniss who's purple loofah that was, feel me? Having said that, I don't know ur dude or his character. For all I know he could be a stand up guy. But if he likes u enough to wanna wife u up like u said, I personally don't see any reason for these pics of random chicks he used to talk to to still be in his cell phone. That's not only suspect but just tacky and unecessary. On the other hand he could totally say, "Who cares? They're just pictures." It's up to u if ur willing to accept that excuse and move forward. There is a possibility he could be telling the truth though, so let's roll with that for now. Just remember that saying, "Trick me once shame on u, Trick me twice shame on me."

Bitch, Please.

UGH I am too tired from this past weekend to write anything thought-provoking and even mildly entertaining right now but after browsing random blogs, I will say this: Ladies, ladies, ladies. "Ain't no future in ur frontin." Real women who are genuinely content and happy with themselves can always sense fake confidence from another, and talkin shit about another female in a lame attempt to make urself feel worthy is a DEFINITE giveaway.

Twilight Under the Influence

Yes ladies and gents WTForks has officially taken it too far.