Not too long ago a good friend of mine called me crying hysterically on the other line. I damn near had a heart attack trying to piece her broken speech together.
"When will she stop? When will she just leave me alone?" she said.
To which I replied, "When she's finally happy with her life, enough to not give a fuck about yours."
There are females who compare themselves to the other girl and find any and every way to rip them apart. And then there are females who compare themselves to the other girl and find any and every way to rip themselves apart. Unfortunately, I used to be both of these females.
I remember being young and in a relationship where my boyfriend had so much more experience than me, and I secretly resented him and each and every one of his whore-ass ex girlfriends because of it. "Skank bitch." "Slut ho." "The fuck happened to her face?" "Whatever, that's why the bitch got a fuckin chicken McNugget for a nose." Ohhh maaan.
And then one day I got cheated on. With a girl who in my opinion, looked like a fat, disgusting, dirty, hoodrat (in fact, she probably was considering that she knew we were together). But did that make me feel better? No, it made me feel worse.
I remember being young and in another relationship where the guy I was seeing just like me, had recently got out of a long term relationship. The only difference was I knew who his ex was. And she was gorgeous. Some days, I would stare at her pictures and think to myself, "God she is so pretty, why does he even want to be with me?" WTF?! Horrible ain't it?
And then one day I found out that she did the same as me. Thought the same as me. I couldn't fuckin believe it. I couldn't even muster a, "Ha, that's right bitch!" What I really wanted to do was give her a hug in solidarity.
As petty as some of yall think I am, and as much as some of yall think you know me - yall don't know shit. While I had my shameful fair share of MySpace stalking and shit-talking, I spent the vast majority of my time tearing myself down while building the other person up. And although both aren't ideal, in my opinion, that's even worse than the former.
But what I should've been doing, what we should all be doing - is not comparing at all. We all have our moments. ALL OF US. I give a flying 747 who the fuck you are. If you are a girl/woman whatever, you've done it. Even if just once. And that's fine, in fact, it's human. But don't let it consume you 'cuz the moment it becomes obsessive, is the moment you take away from your own happiness.
Just don't compare. Don't do it. Just. Don't. If you need to, spend an entire day talking about how scrawny she is. How she needs to get deported. How she looks like a maid. How big her eyes are. How she could be Tiny from Xcape's twin. How someone thought she was someone else's mom. How her fat ass needs to quit wearing her little sister's clothes. How she's this and this and that. And then remind yourself: It doesn't fucking matter! It doesn't change anything. And then DEAD. THAT. SHIT.
And if it's the other way around, if you waste your days away wishing you were as pretty as her, as simple as her, as athletic as her, as talented as her, as creative as her, etc. etc. etc. - I'm a slap your ass. OK no. But just imagine if you heard one of your amazing friends downning herself like that. You know you would NOT be having it. So there's no reason this shouldn't apply to the most important person in your life - YOU. 'Cuz more than likely, the more you keep telling yourself you ain't shit. The more you'll start believing it.
So which ever flavor of "comparing" poison you took, go ahead and have a little sip. Realize how bad it tastes, and then spit that shit out immediately! Stop comparing and start improving. "Spend so much time improving yourself, you don't have any time left to criticize (yourself or) others."