She told me she liked him. I didn't believe her. She looked at me with a sly eye and asked why. I know how she is when she's "gay," sweetie you ain't gotta lie to kick it. So why you kickin it with him still? She doesn't know. He doesn't make her laugh. And he can't even mind fuck her. They haven't even had intellectual foreplay. And I know how she likes it from the back - no homo.
I see the look on her face when others talk about their gay. She wants that too. She hasn't felt that since they held hands in front of the shark tank. But something broke after Colorado and she hasn't looked at him the same way since. And it's sad. Because she was different a month ago. Crazy, but different. And now she just goes through the motions. She never used to do things just because.
Sometimes I want to shake her. OK fine. ALL THE TIME I want to shake her.
Because she became the girl she said she'd never be. No, not the stupid girl in love. But the girl who knew she wasn't in love, or even like, but stayed just because she didn't want to be alone. It pains me to even say that. I can't even look at her right now. Is this really my friend? Has she not learned anything these past few months? JUST FUCKING STOP IT ALREADY.
'Cuz it's not him. It's having someone to text "I miss you," and seeing it back. It's having a date for the movies. It's having something to do on a boring Tuesday night. It's snuggling on the couch. And having sex in the morning. It's getting ready for a date. It's getting hollered at all night at the club but going back to his house when the lights go on. And she knows this.
But she refuses to admit it. So instead she just keeps on getting bikini waxes, and mani/pedis. Curls her hair like it was on their first date. And sprays that perfume he likes. I don't know what she sees in him. She's had cuter. Sweeter. Funnier. Steezier. Smarter. And she knows this. So at this point I don't know wtf to do. 'Cuz I've been there before. She's seen it happen. She's seen me get attached to the idea of having someone there and confusing companionship with genuine feelings. I was hoping she'd learn from my mistakes but you don't learn unless you make those mistakes yourself.
She made about 3 today. I hope that's enough.