Friday, February 12, 2010

Sin in the City

I've been to Vegas many times, always for pleasure. But this time, it's for work *tries not to laugh*. OK fine, who am I kidding? We all know Sin City is the geographical mullet of America. So even if it is a "business" trip, there will be a lot more partying going on. But regardless of the reason, both men and women should always be prepared for a trip to such a place. Although it's Skin City and you'll barely be wearing anything or will be spending most of ur time nekkid, there are a few necessities everyone should have. And in case ur a LV virgin or ur still too hungover from the last time u went and can't remember, I took the initiative of compiling a Las Vegas Checklist for yall.

Ladies:
  1. Bikini wax. I don't care if ur getting laid or not. It really isn't for that, although it's a bonus. U need to keep the cho-cha in check so that in the event ur drunk as shit and someone snaps one of those up the skirt pics and it's all over XS's website, it doesn't look like ur thong has sideburns naw mean? And if ur drunk ass is prone to jumping up on stage when ur inebriated, there's bound to be some other drunk ass taking pictures. Besides, do u really want to mimick Miranda during the Cabo pool scene while ur at Rehab?
  2. Sexy underwear. I ain't talking lingerie and shit, it's not that serious. But Vegas, and any vacation for that matter usually calls for the non-period/granny/Soen panties. So u gotta break out the pretty panties. The thongs. The G-strangs. 'Cuz this weekend Vickie ain't got no secrets. All the panties u push to the back of ur underwear drawer because they're so uncomfortable but look so cute? Yah, BRING THOSE.
  3. A skanky dress. 'Cuz I mean come on. It's Halloween everyday in LV. And yah it seems cliche, but it still holds truth that Vegas is the one place where u can dress like a skank and get away with it. I feel weird when I wear too much clothing there I swear. So that's why u need the pretty panties and the bikini wax, so that when ur wearing ur skanky little dress, ur bush and ur panty lines don't show. And if ur panty line does show, it's all good 'cuz that little "T" drives the boys crazy and makes them wonder what u look like with it off.
  4. Mani/Pedi. Because ur feet are gonna HURT in them hooker heels u just bought. So if ur gonna be in pain, u might as well look cute doing so. Personally, my life could be a mess, my hair could be nappy, I could look like shit, but if my nails and toes are done right, I still feel slightly put together. Plus, it shows that I pay attention to detail and still take care of myself.
  5. Condoms.

Fellas:

  1. Haircut. I don't know a single dude who doesn't get faded or lined up before heading out to Vegas. And if u got hair, ur booking an appt with Tee-Tee from down the block to get braided up. U just gotta look clean. It's a MUST. 'Cuz u really can't expect Miss Venezuela by the bar to believe ur some sort of "baller" when u couldn't even spare $20 to get a damn haircut.
  2. Money. And lots of it. I bring money for 2 reasons and 2 reasons only: Food and drank. Chicks that got game just bring money for food. Now dudes? Not only do they wanna buy food, but they also wanna buy drank or cop a table. And not only do they wanna buy food, and drank, but they also wanna floss the funds. And not only do they wanna buy food, drank, and floss, but they also wanna gamble.
  3. White Tee or Wife B. Because as soon as ur in the club, the button up is coming off. The white tee (no tall tees pls) and wife b is the signature uniform top of Vegas when ur hot as shit walking around in your basketball or plaid shorts (Yall always have those same type shorts I swear lol) 'cuz unless ur from the Jersey shore or at the pool, it's just obnoxious to be walking around with ur shirt off.
  4. Which brings me to the button up. I know they're played out and overrated, and most of yall got plugs with the door guy to let u in wearing flip flops and an Affliction tee, but for those of u who don't, the button up will save ur life. It's the standard dress code if there is one, and u don't wanna be the only dude who doesn't get into the club.
  5. Condoms.
Now if u know me, u'll know this list does not apply to me 'cuz 1) I'm scary. I don't have sex with random people in Las Vegas. and 2) I don't like condoms LMAO. If yall got anything else to add asides from the obvious (wallet, camera, charger, makeup, sunglasses, etc. etc.) feel free to do so!

3 comments:

Raaachem said...

ok my additions to ur list.
1. girls - an ugly friend to make urself look THAT much cuter.
guys -- an ugly friend to ensure that YOU get the cuter girl

2. a camera -- what happens in vegas goes on facebook

3. ed hardy. if u believe me, don't go to vegas. go to hell instead.

ok thats all.

an jaeden said...

hahah love it.

suckafreerey said...

HAHAHAHAHA!

this list is dead on.

btw nice blog.