What Woman DON'T Want

Believe it or not, but this blog is actually aimed at both a male and female audience. So far I've been talkin about a lot of female "issues," but that's because - duh it's what I know best. But I try to take an objective yet entertaining approach to everything I write about so that it can appeal to everyone ... or at the very least not bore everyone.

The other day during a lapse of writer's block (ok I lie that's like EVERYDAY), I asked the homie CMC what topic I should write about that men may find interest in and he immediately said "What guys should do on a date," but I couldn't think of anything asides from the obvious. I'm pretty low-maintenance and don't require much to be appeased. Besides, I honestly think that unless ur an axe-murder, seriel rapist, or that big of a douche - u should just be urself. I did however, think of a few things a man shouldn't do on a date. These are urban legends that nukkas swear we like but really don't.

• DON'T TALK ABOUT THE EX. Just don't do it. All it does is scream that ur not over her\still have baggage about ur previous relationship and make us feel like ur not interested. If ur questioned about the topic, feel free to BRIEFLY dip into it but that's it! A real woman knows that at this age, everyone has exes and remembers that exes are exes for a reason and shouldn't ask anyway. A realistic woman will respect ur privacy and then maybe will secretly google the bitch lol. So unless ur ex was Angelina Jolie or the broad walks in on the date and pours a drink on u - we don't care who she is.


• Don' brag. Just like the American Gangster Frank Lucas said, "The loudest person in the room is the weakest person in the room." Act like u know fellas. What's sexier than a man who's fly, intelligent, talented, athletic, funny, AND filthy rich? A man who's HUMBLE 'bout his shit. I once got pawned off on a dude that dropped mad bread at my homegirls store at the mall, and all he talked about was his bankroll and all the things he bought with it. It was so annoying I didn't even give him a chance to spend money on me 'cuz I couldn't bare to put myself through another minute of him blabbin about how much money he made - even if it meant getting a free dinner outta it. To me, all that woompty-woomp translated to "I lack any real personality so this is my lame attempt to make up for it." Now some girls don't mind this shit and will tolerate just about anything in exchange for shiny things, but honey I ain't the one. I ain't gonna front, I LOVE being spoiled and receiving gifts but I've taken care of myself for a looong time so bring something to the table that I can't bring myself. I understand ur proud and wanna show off ur accomplishments and hard earned money, but if u really wanna impress me with ur figgaz go donate a few bills to one of my favorite charities.


• Don't be glued to ur cell phone. We get it. Ur important, ur wanted, u have a lot of friends, but alright already! If u wanted to be on the phone all night u should've stayed the fuck home instead of draggin my ass out and boring me to death. Matter of fact, drop me off back home so I can take my food to go and catch up on my celebreality. Simply put, it's just RUDE. Rude I say!!! Per me and the HBIC of the CTC herself, Chey, if ur on the phone it better be because ur textin ur boy 'bout how fine I am. Better yet, u better be textin ME how fine I am! (LMAO)


• If you can't dance - Don't dance. The only thing worse than someone who can't dance is someone who can't dance but thinks they can. If u can't dance, dude don't even trip. I can't surf. Who cares? It's a nice lil' bonus but it ain't no deal breaker for me. I'm not saying be a wallflower but don't feel the need to impress a girl with skills u don't have. If ur rhythmically challenged, just cheat and do the typical guy dancefloor stance: 2-step, and then every now and then put ur hands in the air to the beat (TO THE BEAT I SAID) orrr if that's too much for u to handle simply put them on the girls waist but ONLY if she's initiating physical contact already. We ain't tryna date no Jabbawockee so don't try to be one. Besides, the whole "if he can dance good it means he can fuck good," assumption is so 2000-n-late. I, from experience, know it ain't (always) true.

And lastly, but MOST IMPORTANTLY ...

• DON'T WEAR ED HARDY.