S-*-X

There it is again, the word "SEX". Actually no, it wasn't even s-e-x, it was "s-*-x." The entire word wasn't even spelled out and she was already scratching her eyeballs out wishing she had never read that blog post. Sure, it was a part of her normal morning routine but she knew she shouldn't have continued reading right after she saw the non-word "s*x". Because that was all she needed to see to get horny ... again. And she knew that if she got horny enough, she might just miss that other word she wished had never existed - "him."

She rolls over and looks at the digital clock flickering in the distance and then at the empty space next to her in bed. 7:37am. "It is way too early to be horny," she thinks then takes it back soon as she remembersthe last time she had morning sex. It was sometime after 6:30 and before 7:00am, exactly one week ago. Which really ain't shit when you think about it, and definitely nothing compared to her previous record breaking drought of a year and 7 months. But when you've been getting dicked down three times a day, three times a week, for the past six months? A week is like an eternity.

She looks back at the clock, 7:40am. Too fucking early to be this sexually frustrated yet too late to rub one out before work. So she grudgingly hops in the bathroom to take a cold shower and heads out.

It's definitely a Starfucks, excuse me, Starbucks morning she thinks. As she waits in line for the guy behind the counter whose obviously banging the latin barista to take her order, she can't help but feel like the female version of Josh Hartnett in 40 Days and 40 Nights. EVERYTHING REMINDED HER OF PENIS. HIS penis. And what a wonderful penis it was. Big, but not scary get the fuck outta here big. It was kinda perfect - its owner on the other hand not so much. She begins to imagine herself walking hand in hand with his perfect penis through a meadow of sunflowers and then her vagina slaps her and she manages to gather her thoughts long enough to place her order.

"Tall white chocolate mocha with extra whip and a slice of poundcock please."

OH FUCK MY LIFE she screams on the inside as she feels her face flush. And with that she knows it's gonna be a long, hard, dick - I mean day.

Live for the Nights You Can't Remember, With the People You'll Never Forget

R: This is YOURRRS.

A: MIIINE?!

Do for Like.

I always hear that the things you don't do for your man, another woman will. Usually, these "things" are sexual i.e. head on demand, or better yet - anal. Sometimes, they're mental i.e. making a man feel like a man, stroking his ego every now and then. Other times, they're as simple as cooking him a hearty meal or ironing his shirt.

But there's so much emphasis on the mans perspective in movies, song lyrics, and of course real life, that we fail to remember it can definitely go both ways. But for us? It's a little different.

If you don't tell us we're beautiful. Someone else will. If you don't remind us how special we are, someone else will. If you don't send us cute 'lil text messages that we read over and over and over again, someone else will. And if you don't do things like bring us our favorite flavor Pop-Tarts along with 2 Milk Chugs - someone probably already has.

Men seem to think women want so much. Not really. The truth is we need so little. So little that some of yall just can't seen to grasp this concept.

And maybe we won't get with this "someone else," but the more" someone else" does what you don't? It'll just remind us how much we shouldn't be with you.

BUSTER - WHAT IT IS RIGHT NOW!

Still a lil' pissy Torres didn't get the Golden Glove but like Kat said, "It's hard to fit a golden glove over your hand when you have a World Series ring on" GIRL, DON'T HURT 'EM. Congrats Buster! "We got Timmy and Torres, Huff Daddy and Buster Posey, HANDS DOWN, ROOKIE OF THE YEARRRRRRRRRRRR!"

My Good Karma

Hi. Hello. I hope you're my good karma. 'Cuz your face? Yeah, I like that shit. Matter fact, I think if we combined it with mine to make mini versions of us, they could be baby GAP models.

Like, for real.

So I'm asking you. No, I'm begging you: Please sweep me off my feet. 'Cuz I refuse to let the nice guy finish second in a two-person race when the other dude ain't even getting off of his fucking couch. I'm rootin for ya, I really am. Along with her, and her, and him, and every other person I know that wants to see me happy.

But the heart wants what it wants. I'm hoping that after a few more non-dates it'll want you. 'Cuz I could be crazy (well, we've already established that) buuut, I think ... I think a lot. Too much. But this time? I think ... it might. just. work.

So if you miss me, don't let me know. If you like me, don't let it show. If you want to kiss me, please refrain. And when there's other people around, don't say my name. Go out with the boys and don't return my text. Don't look in my eyes. Don't tell me I'm beautiful. And make sure to check out other women as they walk by. Because I swear I'll fuck shit up if you don't.

I know, it's ridiculous. How about you just don't give me too much too soon. And I know I'm acting like a bitch, but don't be an asshole either. You can thank me later, when we're doing what it is that creates those baby Gap models. 'Cuz it's not that I don't like nice guys. I love yall. And I empathize. I'm a nice girl ...

... that got some bad habits. So once again I'm asking. No, I'm begging: Please sweep me off my feet ... before I walk all over you.

Haul-leluia!

After all the post season madness and celebrating, I'm really starting to appreciate sleeping and waking up early. Had a long day yesterday at the sample sale, and then a long fight night afterwards but I was in bed by midnight and woke up 2 hours ago hangover free. Just wanted to say thanks to the hospitable boys of Black Scale and thanks to everyone who came through esp. Cara, Melissa, Michelle, and Camille! The deals were so ridiculous, I had to (of course) cop some shit myself. Can't wait to rock it this weekend at "Pray for Snow".

In the Morning (One for the Road)

I think me and him had morning sex in another lifetime 'cuz this is sounding all too familiar, mmhmm. Ladies, the lyrics are worth reading lol. I feel like I need a cigarette and I don't even smoke. Handle it yall, and have a wonderful weekend!

"Baby you summertime fine, I'll let you get on top
I'll be the underline I'm-trynna get beside you like the number 9, dime
You fine as hell
I guess I met you for a reason only time could tell, but well
I'm wondering what type of shit you on
Do you like the finer things or are you a simple women?
Would you drink with a nigga, do you smoke weed?
Done be ashamed-it ain't no thang, I used to blow tress
Getting lifted
I quit the shit, I might get high with you
It's only fitting cause I'm looking super fly with you
I fly with you, powerful, you do something to me
Cause girl I caught the vibez like you threw something to me-so I threw em' back
Now all my niggaz hollering "who is that? -Oh boy she bad nigga, what chu bout to do with that? "
I fein'n take you home sip a little Patron now we zoning
Baby you so fine

Ay can I hit it I the morning?
Can I hit it in the morning?
Can I hit it in the morning?
The sun rising while you moaning
Can I hit it in the morning?
Can I hit it in the morning?
Can I hit it in the morning?
The sun rising while you moaning

Yea, yea now are you shy or is you freaky lady?
Are you shallow cause if not I'll take it deeper baby
Tell me what turns you on
You like the slow songs?
You like some candles lite?
That ain't really my style
But see I planned a trip
And yea we both cumin
Just tell me how you want it
I give it to you like I owe you something-when I'm on it, on it like my job
I'm hoping I confess
This life gets hard I can take away your stress if you let me
You knew just what this was when you met me
So let your guard down girl
I'll take your bra down girl and undress ya
Real slow yea I'll make you feel special
I can feel your heart beating fast
From the passion, ya hands reaching for the sheets to grab
And now ya leaking, freaking ain't no speakin but ya moaning!
Ya so fine I got to give it to you

Now can I hit it I the morning?
Can I hit it in the morning?
Can I hit it in the morning?
The sun rising while you moaning
So can I hit it in the morning?
Can I hit it in the morning?
Ay can I hit it in the morning?
The sun rising while you moaning

I got a slight obsession-of watch your face while ya moaning
Do you like caressin or do you like aggression?
You the fighting, wrestling, biting pillows
Do you want it in the dark or while the lights is still on?
I'm fantasizing in my mind bout how your body feel
While we sweating you drippin wet from what your body spill
Now if your nervous and hesitant just let it go
See baby lately seems my life been hell and heaven knows
That you looking like an angel-sent from the heavens, God bless your every angle
Got a nigga tangle in your spider web
I'm doing shit I never might of did
And I ain't stopping baby even if the light is red
Your body's right as rain
So where the hydroplane
That ass is fat baby ain't no way to hide your frame
Thank God I found you
Just holla when you want it
Cause girl your so thorough

Now can I hit it I the morning?
Can I hit it in the morning?
Can I hit it in the morning?
The sun rising while you moaning
Can I hit it in the morning?
Can I hit it in the morning?"