Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
There was about 4 of us gettin our giggity gig out on the dancefloor, u know doing the usual "dance around our imaginary bonfire" dance when in the corner of my eye I see a dude walking in my girls direction. In my head I immediately went "uh-oh, she's gonna give him a vagina," and sure enough she did, but in my eyes she was the asshole.
He began to politely ask her to dance, but before he could even finish she literally ran away and shrieked "ew ew ew ew" loud enough for the poor guy to hear her. Shit, even I heard her. This dude was not the flyest, but he also wasn't rude either. He didn't even bust out with a "fuck u bitch, u ain't all that anyway," afterwards. He simply shook his head and walked away. At that moment I secretly apologized to all the brave gentlemen in the world who've gotten rejected at the club on behalf of the woman race and gave my girl the "now was that really necessary?" face.
Later on that night the same guy tapped me on the shoulder, said "excuse me," and asked me to dance. I said sure, partly out of pity, but mostly because my jam (which I don't remember anymore) was playing. So we danced, and not once did he try to hump me or attempt to strategically gyrate his way towards my way. I don't even think he touched me, we just - danced. Like normal people do. And when about 2 songs were done and all my friends had left the dancefloor I told him thanks for the dance, and he graciously replied thank-you, shook my hand, and left. See girls? PAINLESS.
Now I know not every chick has a soft spot in their heart for rejects or is as friendly as me, but u ain't gotta be! U don't have to be nice - just don't be so fucking unecessarily mean! I've had my share of bad male encounters at the club but that's where u have separate the men from the boys, in which case you women have to separate urself from the stuck-up bitches. There's a lot of talk about club ettiquette in regards to what men shouldn't do to women, but we can't deny the fact that there's just some shit women shouldn't do as well.
Ladies, it takes a lot of guts for a dude to come up to a female at the club and ask her to dance especially when she's around her wingwomen, so please go easy on them when crushing their hopes and dreams of finding love (or booty) in the club. Imagine if u saw some broad throw attitude at ur little brother? I bet it would be WWIII up in that bitch. I know u just tryna look cute on the dancefloor and enjoy a night out with ur girls, but there are ways of saying that without running away from a guy and screaming "ew ew ew."
With the exception of ass invaders who dance behind u without asking, and douche-bags who get all buthurt after u plolitely decline a dance, most men deserve a chance, or at least an easy let-down. A few of them actually go to the club to dance, and because u know damn well we'd call them fags for doing the imaginary pow-wow dance with each other, they ask us to dance DUH!
So the next time a man simply says hello to u in line, say hi. The next time a man compliments u on ur outfit, just smile. And if he (God forbid) asks u to dance and u don't feel like it aka he's not cute enough, just say "no thank-you." 'Cuz the next time u go out and walk from the front of the club to the back and not a single dude pays attention to u, u'll wish u had been a little nicer to that guy who told u u were beautiful the month before.
And seriously if all else fails, "I'm looking for my girls," works everytime *winks*
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
And no it doesn't hurt, now stop being a pansy.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
How do I know if the girl I'm feelin likes me back? There's little things here and there that make me think she does, but I'm not sure. HELP, I'm going to a concert with her tonight, and need some game!
Gameless in San Leandro
First things first - no game is better than Front st. game. If the female is already going to a concert with u, it means she can stand u for more than 15 minutes and most likely enjoys ur company as is. So if it ain't broken, don't fix it. If she didn't like ur personality already she wudn't be kickin it, so just be urself ... except in small doses, don't give her all of u. Having said that, the first thing u need to understand is most girls (gold diggers, attention whores, and sluts aside) can genuinely enjoy the company of a man yet have absolutely no feelings (of "that" kind) towards them. So none of this "she picked up her phone when I called when she didn't have to, she MUST like me," booshit. Sometimes I hug my girlfriends, does that mean I'm a box eater? NO, so get over it. Just because she leans her head on ur shoulder it doesn't necessarily mean she likes u. She was tired - take it for what it is. However, personally speaking, there are certain areas of a woman (asides from the obvious) that she will let a man touch ONLY if she likes them. i.e. putting ur hands on her waiste and hugging her from behind *ding*ding*ding* u have a chance buddy 'cuz Lord knows I ain't lettin u touch me there unless I want u touching me other places as well. Unfortunately, I have no sure answer for u 'cuz everyone is different. The obvious, and easiest way is to ask - but we all know there's reprucussions to that. My best advice is to ease ur way into it. If the broad likes u - u'll just know. TRUST ME.
All "Dear Abi," advice is based on personal experience. Sometimes the information given will be credible, other times strictly for comical purposes. Girlsarethenewboys.blogspot.com is not responsible for any of the aftermath that may potentially occur as a result of following its "Dear Abi," advice (unless of course u get laid, in which case the author will be happy to take credit for it). By writing "Dear Abi," you are acknowledging the fact that u are not a pansy, for the blog is not for the easily butt-hurt. Write and comment at ur own risk! Please email questions to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Monday, July 27, 2009
And I know blood is thicker than water, but water is so much more fun to play with lol. Hence, I see my friends and keep in contact with them way more than I do my little cousins aunts, uncles, and even mom. But as I get older, the more I realize that as dysfunctional as we may be - my fam is my back bone and "when worse comes to worse my people come first."
Just the other day, I attended my Tita Lou's birthday party in Suisun City, which is about a 45-1 hour drive from SF. She turned 72 and looks more and more like my late great-grandmother every year. We did the usual grub sesh, chiss miss'd (gossip in Tagalog), and played with the kids, which are pretty much next generation of pimps, playas, and g's after mine haha. But my favorite part of the day was getting to spend QT with my two cousins Sean and Charles, aka my 2 favorite men in the world.
When I was younger I never understood why my relatives made such a big deal when they'd see me at family parties and notice how fast I was growing up. "U just saw me 3 months ago, I don't get it people," is what I would think in my head. But now I totally understand what the hype is all about. I used to change their diapers, teach them how to read, and punk em around. Now both are over 6 ft. tall, one's turning 18 next month, and the other is having a child of his own. Gah, bring my 2 little babies back :(
Me and Charles had thee best drunken karaoke duet everrr, and then afterwards Sean drove me back to the city and paid for toll like the grown ass that he is. I love these two like they were my own brothers, and I'm so happy that underneath it all they're ultimately good, respectful kids. I give a fuck if theyr'e both legal and an entire foot and then some taller than me, they will always, always be my baby cousins.
I now turn down gigs and club events to attend more family functions, and sit by the pool with my mom. And while we all love our family, we can all work on letting them know a little bit more. So the next time u see one of ur little cousins, make sure to pinch his cheeks an extra time, and hug ur niece a few seconds longer. Tell ur parents u love them, your aunt how young she still looks, and your uncle how amazing his cooking is. 'Cuz before u know it, u'll be the one having to provide Christmas dinners, and all ur "little" cousins won't be so little anymore.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Friday night started off with dinner with Kyle, my mom, and her bf at Alimango in San Mateo. Pancit canton, garlic fried rice, bistek, sisig, and typhoon crab FTW. My fave part of the meal oddly enough though was the garlic fried rice. Afterwards we threw back Yager bombs at Mandala for a bit before going to Rach's house but cut the night short 'cuz we had to wake up early the next day.
Saturday was spent on the most magical place on Earf - The Gilroy Garlic Festival! Traffic was the worst I've ever experienced in the Bay but after about 2 bites into the festival it was already worth it. Started off with a Stella, then garlic roasted corn on the cobb with Parmesan, mayo, and chilli powder.
Then, crab and garlic stuffed artichokes with Thousand Island.
Then, some of Rach's deep fried artichoke hearts with crab and shrimp.
Then, some of Mike's rib plate.
Then, garlic stuffed mushrooms and free garlic ice cream to top it all off (Yes I really said garlic ice cream).
Sunday I spent with the fam in Suisun City where it was schorchin. I adore hot weather (high 70s and up please!) but I like it better when I'm by a pool and in a bikini. Nevertheless, I had a blast seeing my little cousins who are all bigger than me and eating my Uncle-Vic's "voonoose" which is a throwback ass Batanes recipe of banana blossom and taro root. Know about it.
And now I'm at my desktop blogging about my weekend, while my laptop is playing Nas's "The World is Yours." Bout to call it a night. Hope yall had a good weekend too!
Friday, July 24, 2009
Tattoo: Sampaguita flower w/ 3 stars
Location: Back of neck
Arist: Shit I forget his name, Mike maybe? From Everlasting on Divisadero
Story: Being a Philippine Queen, it was inevitable that I'd pay homage to my homeland with a tat. But I didn't want it to be something I had already seen before so I came up with this idea of a sampaguita flower which is the countries national flower. However, it looked too simple so I added the stars from the Filipino flag which represent the major geographical divisions of the country: Luzon, Mindanao, and Visayas.
(And p.s. I miss my purple hair wah)
- First flier created on the Wacom is dunzo! And I swear it edits images so clean. I'm so marrying that thing.
- Meeting moms new bf tonight with my bf. We promise we won't hurt him.
- I've been getting the most tender (as my Hayati would say) comments lately and yall do not even know how much I appreciate it. But I'll further explain in a future post that has been a draft for the past 2 1/2 weeks lol.
- These bad boys should be arrive shortly. Haven't worn docs since middle school with my Cross Colors, and I really wasn't feelin them coming back in style so I held off on the trend BUT I couldn't resist these. Look inside my closet, I barely have anything black. Saw them on F21 then the next day my girl BetseyJ blogged them so I took it as a sign lol. Thanks mom!
- I am probably THEE only person who thinks The Hangover was just "OK"
- I'm still salty they took off Jay-Z's Bay Area tour date
- Sunday Brunch
Thursday, July 23, 2009
So u think ur a G?
A gangster, a wangster.
Point a gun to another n*ggas head and make him call u master?
Steal and deal, lick, and seal, only excuse is 'cuz it pays for all ur meals?
And now u think ur Frank White,
'cuz Frank White
up ur street cred to "untouchable" from just plain Frank ... riiight?
OK thug life.
So u think u a pimp?
Mackin and stackin.
Make a trick pay for ur shit, then afterwards let u hit it?
Play with hearts using darts, aim smart and forget the part
about love, and integrity, compassion, and fidelity.
Instead they suck for a buck, then buck when u fuck, but what happens at the end when ur all outta luck ... and stuck ...
With Tina and Tonya, and Sonya, and Dee but don't give 2 shits about them 'cuz u think u got that HIV
So u think ur a revolutionary?
Wave ur fist in the air like u just don't care.
Earth tones, brown rice, head wraps, open mics.
Salute to the motherland but u ain't never been there?
u be killin me.
Petitions and picketing.
Down for the cause, but only be-cause it's the thing to be.
Get the fuck outta here.
And so now u think ur a father?
Because he has ur eyes
and same curly hair
but blank stares and solemn smiles let him know u don't care
for birthdays, and baseball games,
pta meetings, and such
Mommy and daddy didn't work out, so it entitled u to not give a fuck?
Say. fucking. what?
'Cuz u see,
my heroes speak silently, and never ask for rewards
Boys make babies and torn families, but real men heal the scars,
FATHERS I LOVE U WHEREVER U ARE.
U tie ur baby-girls hair when u don't even know how,
so know now
the revolution starts now.
and u don't need to wrap a flag around ur head to prove that ur down.
'cuz u see,
my warriors spear roots with their native tongue,
always moving forward, never forgetting where they came from
standing NEXT to their women, and never front or back
'cuz the pimps in my book know where the fuck to stand at
Forget the back hand
Real macks speak the truth and don't hide behind lies,
or behind their excuses
or faulty alibis
and the bitches STILL stay.
And ride or die for their gangstar of love,
'cuz my gangstars are doctors and teachers,
lawyers and souljahs and all of the above
Steal knowledge , beat wisdom, smuggle hope
Fuck "the man"
and just be a man
'Cuz the biggest gangster of them all says
YES. WE. CAN.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Why Don't We Fall In Love by Amerie
This song will forever remind me of a hot summer day in NY, eating ice cream on a stoop during a date. And maybe going to South St. Seaport afterwards. The video itself takes place on the "first day of summer," and the females are clad in short shorts while the fellas are playing street ball shirtless and I ain't even mad at 'em.
Feel Me Flow by Naughty by Nature
Me and my boy used to always joke about how Naughty only comes out with hits in the summertime, but with schorchers like this we can see why. I swear all their songs have a sort of "summer" feel to it. But this laid back beat and signature flow take me back to my high school summers, and for some odd reason I want to run through a sprinkler right now.
Girls Dem Suga by Beenie Man feat. Mya
'Cuz what song with a dancehall influence doesn't make u wanna whine and grind in a hot house party atmosphere? I really just wanna put on my gold lame disco hot pants and door knockers right now ol' girl in the video and dance the warm summer night away. Zagga zow, zigga zow!
My Boo by Ghost Town DJs
A favorite road trip karaoke song amongst me and my friends, I always sing this song when I'm washing my car. True story, sans the daisy dukes and bikini top. It will forever remind me of being a teen during a time when jelly platforms, halter tops, daisy print, and bright colored flares were in style. GOOD GOD.
Summertime in the LBC by The Dove Shack
I remember buying this cassette single and singing nonstop to the instrumental on the back. Play this at any summer bbq and I guarantee it will magically turn into a musical 'cuz at least 75% of the people there will know the lyrics. Sun, ribs, potato salad, a football, and The Dove Shack - wala u have summer.
Summertime by DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince
*Sigh* Back when Will Smith was just some scrawny dude with big ears that didn't cuss in his rhymes. Kinda miss him. At any rate - DUHHH. To not have this song on ur summer jam list is just blashphemous. (I don't know, I just like using that word lol). The #1 summer anthem in my book, the Prince talks about everything wonderful about the summer and why it's my favorite season outta the year.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
When I was a 12, I wanted to be 13. When I was 13, I wanted to be 16. When I was 16, I wanted to be 18. And when I was 18 u already know I wanted to be 21. And then ...
And then ... I wanted to stop the hands of time.
But instead, I turned 25. And now that I'll be turning 2-cringe-8 this year, good God 25 doesn't sound so bad.
But I kid u not. I am not ur typical 27-year old. And not 'cuz I think I'm different, or special, or unique, or awesome but because ... well, I'm kinda weird.
I name all my electronics (i.e. Andre 3000 my Wacom tablet, Me-Thu my DS Lite, and Kirby my Honda Del Sol). I practice acceptance speeches for awards I've never received and interviews that have never occured in full detail 'cuz u just never know lol ("I would like to dedicate this designer of the year award to all those with no style. Please - help me, help you ..."). And sometimes when I'm by myself, I reinact scenes from movies (The last one was Paris Hilton's death scene from House of Wax).
I stick my legs in pillow cases and pretend I'm a mermaid, and twirl my hair around my fingers to fall asleep. My favorite book is The Jolly Postman, and one time I followed this little ant that was carrying a piece of cookie on top of its back a block and a half in the wrong direction while walking to my house just 'cuz I was curious to see where it was going. Then, one day me and my girl were at Albertson's and I started scaling the endcaps of every aisle as if I was on a "Top Secret" mission to buy eggs and milk.
Yah, I know. I'm thinking the same thing u are too, trust me.
And just last night as I was sipping water from one cup through a straw and spilling it back out into another, my bf goes, "Ok and how old are u again?"
I just sat there head down while kicking my feet against my chair and mumbled, "27."
Mind u, my bf is 4 years younger than me.
Maybe it's the fact I'm an only child. Maybe it's the fact I didn't have a "normal" childhood. Or maybe I'm really Petra Pan. Whatever it is, I agree, I don't act my age. But I figure, I got my own car keys, pay my own bills, have my own spot, do the 9-5 thang, and handle my responsibilities. I'm not married, don't have any kids, and ain't hurtin nobody. There's a time and place for everything, so if I don't have to act grown then I'm not.
But I look at my mom who's 20 years sr. and notice that she's only a slight calmer version of myself. She still tells retarded jokes, and acts goofy. She can impersonate Paula Abdul's coke'd out demeanor on American Idol to a "T", and tries to imitate the Jabbawockeez dance moves. My mom's damn near 50 and we still crank call each other at work.
It makes me wonder, "How old will I be when I stop acting like this?" "Will I ever grow up?" "Do I have to?" It makes me sad thinking that one day I may wake up and not have the same imagination or spunk or spark for life. But then once again, I look at my mom and realize that it's not necessarily her good genes that keep her shittin on some 20-sumthn year olds, it's her playfullness, humor, and young at heart attitude. We don't get older, only wiser. We appreciate things more, become more experienced, and even more beautiful. Alas, there is hope.
So in that sense - I can't wait to be 28 running around in my dinosaur print onesie singing "Happy Birthday," into my hairbrush.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
- Wash and cut potatoes in half or quarters for faster boiling (I used about 3 lbs)
- Chop green onion (I used almost an entire bundle)
- Mince dill. With dill a little goes a long way so I only used about 3 small sprigs
- Cut bacon into small chunks (I used 6 strips)
- Boil potatoes, add a little bit of salt Stop when they're soft enough to easily stick a fork all the way through one but DON'T overdo it or ur potato salad will turn into mashed potatoes.
- Cook bacon until desired consistency. I like mine crispy on the edges but soggy in the middle. Set aside and don't throw away bacon fat.
- Drain potatoes and let cool. Then, add the remaining ingredients including the bacon fat. Add salt and pepper to taste, mix, and ur doneson.com
Friday, July 17, 2009
Current mood: nostalgic
Last night I visited my girl Faye's spot in the East Bay (Which I am STILL jockin by the way ;o) and winded down the night by watching music videos on her super-sexy "perfect for crashin after a night of debauchery" micro-suede couch.
I could'v easily fallen asleep watching Jodeci's Greatest Hits, but instead I began to remenisce.
"Goddamn DeVante used to be so fine..."
"Fuck K-Ci don't pop a blood vessel now..."
"Aww I want a guy to sing like that to me..."
"Don't they get hot wearing head to toe leather in the desert like that?"
"I mean really, did Dalvin do anything else asides from stand there and look good?"
"Remember when they were on Martin?"
"Feenin is one of THEE greatest sexy-time songs ever..."
"I had a hooded drawstring jacket too!!!"
"Damn these n*ggaz could sing...excuse me, I mean SANG"
"Too bad they crack heads now..."
I used to argue with the Kings of Comedy when they'd say "they don't make music like they used to but ultimately, they're right.
Not to say that everything is crap nowadays 'cuz Alicia stay holding it down and Ne-Yo STAYS getting my hormones jumping and me in trouble but I don't know a single person who didn't have Jodeci or Shai or New Edition as a wedding staple. What are the kids nowadays supposed to have their first dance to, say 10 years from now?
"I need you boo, I gotta see you boo, and there's hearts all over the world tonight...?"
Don't get me wrong, I love me some To Catch a Predator Chris Breezy but his songs don't hold a candle to the feeling I get when I hear that infamous Jodeci "Hoo-yeah," riff.
Music is such an integral part of my day to day routine. As cliche as it sounds, I could not live without it. I sit here and think of how I'd go insane if I couldnt' stream KMEL at work, or listen to my Ipod while on the treadmill.
Music is one of the only non-tangible things that can make me cry, laugh, dance, sing, remenisce, start a fight, be happy, or be sad. It makes me switch to 5th and roll the windows down on a hot summer day. It's the perfect accompaniment to a 5-star hotel balcony and fat bleezy. It makes cleaning my room more tolerable. It makes me body roll down the hallway. It psyches me up for a photoshoot or gig. It amplifies my drunkness at a club and calms me down afterwards. It reminds me of my last vacation to Hawaii/Las Vegas/Puerto Rico/New York/San Diego. It makes me think of the very moment I fell in love with my ex boyfriend.
Whether it's r&b, hip-hop, ska, or trance - ok maybe not trance, but whatever genre it is ... I can hear a song and instantly be taken back to a specific moment in my life.
"One More Chance Remix" by Biggie - Chillin at the 29 bus stop in front of Burton on a hot ass summer of '95 day watching my peers get picked up by their cute older brothers in their 3000GTs and shiny new Acs.
"Nothing Else Matters" by Metallica - Buying my very first cassette single (Yah bitches I"m old) at Tower Records at Stonestown mall.
"The Anthem" by Pitbull - Rockin center stage with Ashley at Avalon in L.A. trying not to die from that stupid crack in a can Redline energy drink.
Play Mary J's "Real Love" at a club and ur gonna hear the ladies scream, "This is MY jam," as they make their way to the dancefloor in preparation for the dance in a circle routine.
Play Pharcyde's "Passin Me By," on a roadtrip while the car is hotboxed and I guarantee everyone with you will know at least one of the verses by heart and rhyme them in between puffs.
Remember that cheesy white 80s rapper with the fucked up hair who danced alongside with Ninja Turtles? "Aite stop..." (How many of yall said "Collaborate and listen"?
Play T-Pain's "Can't Believe it," and everyone and they mama will scream out "FUEGO!" when the time is right.
Although circumstantial, a person's song on their MySpace can determine what's going on in their life. And if ur best friends phone goes off to the tune of "You're my little secret, and that's how we should keep it," and u find out it's your boyfriend on the other line I give u full permission to choke a bitch out.
Alas, long gone are the days where at least 75% of rap music had substance, and R&B artist could actually sing. Yet I ain't mad at ya (R.I.P. Pac). Good music will always be good music ... no matter how much auto-tune it has in it lol.
While I enjoy and am open to all the new, talented artist that emerge everyday I will always hold a special place in my heart for the likes of Boys II Men, Guy, Keith Sweat, and any other group that graced ur standard early 90s slow-jam mix.
By the way K-Ci, Jo-Jo, Dalvin, and DeVante ... I'm still rootin for ya.
None of this shit no more aite? Ur fuckin up my repuation.
What can I say about Vegas? All the movies, advertisements, and cliche sayings about Sin City are true, even if just a little bit. It really is an adult playground and a good place to escape reality. Vegas is also very, RANDOM lol. I've been there a few time already, and although the fast life can get very old very fast, as long as my two 808 hunnies Gail and Laur live there - I'll always be back for more! Surprisingly, I had a blast this time without getting shit face. And although I wish I did for at least one night, I am definitely ok with waking up hangover free and actually remembering what I did the night before lol!
My first night in Vegas, land, change clothes, and gooo! Revolution Lounge for a "chill" night.
Me being the little weirdo I am and taking my blood pressure at Walmart at 2am after the club, WTF?
Pool party at Bare the next day! (I really need to stop texting in the water)
No such thing as excess at XS
Gail, Laur, and Me - My fave pic of the night!
Why I love XS, the day beds turn into night beds!
The next day at the Wet Republic pool party, cheers to the good life!
Wet @ Wet
Then off to Jet at night for round 2!
If she fine, if shawty a dime, u should tip her, u should tip her...
Then off to Serendipity the next day for Frozen Hot Chocolate
Because shopping makes u tired lol
And finally, my last night in Vegas tradition - 23 bottles of Sake at Ra Sushi FML
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
- I currently have 5 blog drafts, all consisting of no more than 6 sentences. Blame it on Vegas, and the attention span of a 6 year old.
- I miss my Vegas Marys. A LOT.
- Why do I have a skirt in my closet from last summer with the tag still on it?
- Why am I still online window shopping though?
- Getting my nails did with that watermelon design this weekend as my ode to the summer .. seeing as SF has no real summer wah
- Once again, sorry for the lack of real substance in my recent posts but my mind is everywhere right now. Coming back from vacation always puts my mind in a different perspective. Just trying to sort things out and do what's best for my future. Nevertheless, a lot of change is about to occur. I HATE change. Even if it's for the better. It's just scary to me.
- I just got my Wacom Intuos tablet. I've had it for 20 minutes and still haven't plugged it in. Just staring at it. I may whisper sweet nothings at it later. Thnx Lawn for the suggestion. Evan for the plug. And Kris for makin it happen.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
That got daps from her girls when #1 and #2 would page me at the same time, just as #3 was picking me up from school. Back then? I was that girl who had boyfriends to match every outfit and honey, nothing ever went outta style in my closet. I broke up with dudes over voicemails and threw away love letters. Dodged guys in the hallway so I wouldn't have to have "that" talk 'cuz God forbid I went to boat dance with someone from my own school. "No, I don't like u. No, I won't give u a chance. And no, I won't think about it." That girl never played on anyone, but she played with minds ... and most likely hearts ... and definitely feelings.
Then, I became that girl.
That fell in love. And for the first time ever, I entertained the idea of marriage. I wrote my first name and his last, with a promise ring to match. I kept stuffed animals, and ticket stubs, and invitations, and Valentine's Day cards. "I" became "we" and "we"became "us" all without ever losing ME. That girl wrote songs to a melody only they could hear. So I learned to beathe deeper, hug tighter, kiss longer, and dream sweeter. That girl smiled with her eyes, shined on cloudy days, and floated with no wings.
And then, I became that girl.
That needed space. That needed to live. That needed to be free. That needed some time apart. That neeed reassurance. That just wanted to make sure. That needed an excuse. That needed to be "independent." That wanted to meet new faces and touch new bodies and give out her number when it was asked. That wanted to be selfish. That was selfish. That chose to replace love with the thrill of the chase. That took her relationship for granted and swore she meant it when she said, "It's ok. You can date other people too." Until he did.
So I thought I could be that girl.
That just didn't give a fuck. That could fuck the pain away. And have one night stands. And booty calls. And be a gold-digger. And play the role. And hustle MEN. And pretend she didn't care. And asked for favors with a lick of her lips and bat of her eyes. That thought she was a hard rock when she really was a gem. Bumpin Jay-Z all day everyday. "I parts with nothing, yall be front. Me give my heart to a nigga? Not for nothin. Never happen, I BE FOREVER MACKIN. Heart cold as assassins, I gots no passion, I gots no patience and I hate waiting so nigga get ur ass in here and let's ri-i-i-i-i-ide." That girl filled voids and threw away the big picture for momentary happiness and attention. I was the great pretender.
But then inevitably, that girl showed up.
And that girl knew that other girl didn't exist. Who thought she was nothing. Who didn't matter. Who wasn't loved nor felt she deserved to be. Who thought shit was so unfair and never caught a break. Who was worthless and stupid and ugly and every synonym of it. Who knew she would never find happiness again. She didn't want happiness ever again. I cried and cried and cried. In the shower until my fingers became pruny. And in bed, until I fell asleep - hoping and wishing God wouldn't let me wake up. That girl gave up on life, gave up on love, and gave up on herself.
Until, I became this girl.
Who is finally allowing herself to live, love, and be happy once again. Who although is bruised, will never be broken. Who is STILL learning, but learning from her mistakes and learning how to move on. Who is thankful and grateful and blessed. For everything. Who knows she is talented, and intelligent, and beautiful, and will never allow another person to make her forget. Who refuses to settle for anything less than she deserves. Who is humble and knows not to take anything for granted. Who is selfish. Fuck yah, I said it. 'Cuz ain't nothing wrong with wanting more for urself. Who loves life, those in her life, and most importantly loves herself.
And I never, ever, want to be that or that or that girl ever again.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
"Whatever u choose, whatever u do, Make sure he a thug and intelligent too"
Nas has and will always be a personal favorite of mine not only 'cuz he's fine but because he's so open to everything, albeit underground or mainstream. He's aware of social and political issues just as much as he's up on game 'bout what's happening on the corner. He takes it from the block to the boardroom - all in my fave attire, a crisp white tee, nice fitting jeans, and of course, classic Tims. And I will never, ever get over that sexy ass raspy voice of his.
Also, see Tupac Shakur
The Southern Gentleman - T.I.(P).
"Why u keep sayin no when ur panties so wet?"
That's exactly how I feel when I hear the name T.I. Now imagine that times 69. Now that's exactly how I felt when I was hand picked to take a pic with him upstairs in the VIP section of his meet and greet in Oakland. Anyone who knows me, is well aware of my of my T.I. infatuation and has probably seen my wall shrine of him at work (real professional, I know). There's just something bout his southern twang combined with his boyish smile that makes me need clean up on aisle 3. He can def have whatever he likes with me, shiiit.
Also, see Andre 3000 (when he's not wearin knickers and lime green wigs, i'm talkin Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik ;o)
The Baller - Allen Iverson
"We stay fly, no lie, and u know this - BALLIN!!!"
Safe to say that the infamous A.I. was one of the first to bring the hood to the NBA. But despite the haters, the tats, and the signature braids, no one could deny his skills - and the females could never deny his looks.
Also, see Anthony Roberson
The Import - Robert Pattinson
"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb..."
Yall were starting to think I din't love me some white boys huh? The disheveled hotness known as Robert Pattinson is my current obsession, along with everything else Twilight. Best known for his portrayal of the fictional embodiment of vampire perfection, he took America by storm having women forgetting about Romeo, and Prince Charming, and instead hoping, wishing, and praying for their own Edward Cullen to come.
Also, see Orlando Bloom
I couldn't think of a witty subtitle but that's perfect. 'Cuz really, when u got a surfer dude with curly blonde locks and a body like THAT glistening in the sun, who cares if he's witty? Matter fact, who cares if he can talk? Just sit over there with ur shirt off, thanks. Get me a drink while ur at it. And make sure to flex while serving it to me.
Also, see Josh Holloway
The Nerd - Shia LaBeouf
It wasn't until I saw him being interviewed on some late night show about how he was arrested at Walgreens for "loitering," that I saw the potential in Shia. I've always had a soft spot for the "square," and never picked on nerds 'cuz I knew one day I'd need help in advanced chemistry. And maybe it took being next to someone as hot as Megan Fox to bring his hotness out but whatever it is, it worked. Unerneath that"nice guy" geeky demeanor is a certified hunk waiting to bust out. Besides, we all know the nerd always ends up with the hot chick at tne end anyway.
Also, see Peter Parker
I looove this outfit, esp the dress. I envisioned Eva Longoria rockin it but the more I scrutinize the details I'm leaning more towards Kim K.
Anyway, I've been sooo busy at the dreadful 9-5 with my co-worker on vacation the same week we got Friday off that I haven't been able to think, what more write. And I hate when my favorite blogs don't update so I'm hoping u hate that I ain't either lol. But I got a lotta shit on my mind - from hot chicks with ugly bf's and vice versa to the non-conventional hotties who somehow have a certain "oomph" to them to how far one will let their fiancee go at their bachelor/bachelorette party to MJ's death, and not the actual death but all the controversy around it. BTW is it ok to make jokes about the departed?
Anyway, I copped The Little Mermaid platinum edition last night at Amoeba as well as Monsters Inc. for only $4.99! I almost left that bitch with Jon and Kate + 8 the first and second season (DONT JUDGE MEEEE! lol. I just wanted to see if the show's dynamics changed throughout the seasons), Minority Report, the entire Lord of the Rings collection, and Mr. and Mrs. Smith 'cuz it's just like me to abuse $2.99-$4.99 deals and still end up spending at least $50 lol.
Needless to say, I'll be spending my thursday night relaxin, eating some home made chicken adobo and watchn dvd's. Hopefully I'll be able to sneak in a post with some actual substance!
I'm gonna leave u with my fave single off No Doubt's Return to Saturn album 'cuz I'm straight remeniscin to it right now!